Danielle Steel - Johnny Angel

“Just what I said, Mom, it's me. This is pretty cool, Mom, isn't it?” He looked thrilled, and there was a look of panic in her eyes. She was suddenly wondering if she was delusional. Maybe her grief for him had finally pushed her over the edge. “I'm coming back for a while, Mom. But only to you,” he said, trying to explain it to her while her eyes grew wider still. “I think this is kind of a special deal. Someone told me it happens to people who leave very suddenly, and need to tie up loose ends. All I know is that you're supposed to fix things for people. But no one told me what to fix, or exactly for who. I think you have to figure it out for yourself.”

“John Peterson,” his mother said, trying to look stern, as she sat in her hospital bed and stared at him, “have you been doing drugs up there?” She looked utterly confused. She had inadvertently become part of a phenomenon that defied everything she believed or knew. It was like an out-of-body experience that included Johnny, and he looked happy, and at ease, and real. “I don't understand what's going on,” she said, looking a little wan. “I still think it must be the drugs I'm taking,” she said to herself, as a nurse walked into the room, and Johnny disappeared. It was as though he had never been there at all, but this time, she didn't feel sad. He had seemed far too real, and for once, she didn't feel the weight of a crushing loss. She felt oddly cheered.

“And how are you today?” the nurse asked happily, and was pleased once again with Alice's vital signs. She only stayed for a few minutes, and then left the room again. Alice closed her eyes, thinking of her son, and when she opened them, Johnny was standing next to her bed, grinning at her.

“This can't be happening,” she said, smiling up at him. “But I'm loving every minute of it. Where did you go?”

“I can't hang around when there are other people in the room. Those are the rules. I told you, Mom, I'm only here for you.”

“I wish you were,” she said with a yawn, but never taking her eyes off him. This was getting harder and harder to understand, and better and better to feel. It was so great seeing him, or thinking that she did.

“I am here for you, Mom. Trust me. I told you, this is very cool.”

“What are you saying to me?” She felt suddenly nervous now, as though something important were happening to her, far, far beyond her control, or even his. And it was.

“I know this will sound weird to you. It did to me too at first. They're sending me back for a while, to do some special work. Because when I went, I left so fast, I didn't have time to finish things. So they're letting me do it now. Not for me, but for everyone else. I think … you … Bobby … Charlie … Dad … Becky too, probably … maybe her mom … I've got a lot of stuff to do, but they haven't explained it to me yet.”

“Are you telling me you're coming back?” She sat bolt upright in bed and stared at him. And this time she knew she wasn't asleep.

“Just for a while,” he said, looking pleased.

“Are you telling me I'm really seeing you, and this isn't some crazy drug they gave me in my IV that's making me hallucinate?”

“No, it's bigger than that, Mom. A lot bigger.” He grinned again. “It's pretty good stuff. I know I'm going to like it. I've missed you all so much.”

“So have I,” she said as tears filled her eyes, and instinctively she reached out for his hand, and he took hers in his own. It felt just as it always had, and he looked no different than before. He was still the same beautiful boy he had always been, her beloved older son. “You mean I get to see you all the time again?” she asked with a look of disbelief and a lump in her throat.

“Pretty much. Except when I'm busy doing something else. I told you, I'm going to have a lot to do. It sounds like a big job.”

“Can anyone else see you?”

“No, just you. I was kind of hoping Becky could see me too, but they don't think that's a good idea. This is kind of like a big favor to you, Mom. I think you should say thank you or something, when you get the chance.” She just nodded, looking at him, unable to believe what he had just said.

“I will,” she whispered to him. “I will….” And then suddenly she had doubts again. “Are you sure I didn't just go nuts in here… or they're giving me psychedelics that'll wear off when I get home?”

“I'm sure, Mom. Why don't you rest for a while? I've got some things to do. I'll see you when you get home.”

He leaned over and kissed her then, and she felt his warmth next to her. And as soon as he had kissed her, he smiled at her, and then as though she had blinked and lost him again, he was gone. But it didn't feel the same this time. She knew she hadn't lost him, and she still wasn't sure what had happened, but whatever it was, her heart was lighter than it had been in four months, or ever before.

She lay in bed, thinking about him, feeling the warmth he had left with her, and she remembered what he had just said, and as she closed her eyes, seeing her son in her mind's eye, and remembering his kiss, his touch, she silently whispered, “Thanks.”

They brought her breakfast in after that, and she ate decently for once. A lot more than she had in months. Oatmeal and toast and coffee and a soft-boiled egg, and all she wanted to do was smile and laugh every time she thought about him. She wasn't sad anymore, or devastated, or crushed, or depressed. She was happier than she'd been in years. The doctor thought her recovery miraculous. He still wanted her to take the medication he'd given her, until her ulcer healed, but after he had checked her over carefully, he said she could go home. And she smiled as soon as he said the words, because she knew who would be waiting for her there. And if it was all a dream, and that was all it turned out to be, she knew with absolute certainty that it was the best one she had ever had.

Chapter 4

Jim came to pick Alice up from the hospital that afternoon on his lunch hour, and took her home. She was in good spirits, and a little stronger than she'd been. And she had promised her doctor she would rest. One of her neighbors came to visit her after she got home, and Pam came by with Becky that night, to see how she was. She was on a special diet, and Charlotte had cooked dinner for all of them.

Alice put on her bathrobe and went downstairs. Jim even ate dinner with them that night, and sat with them for a little while, before disappearing into the living room to watch TV with a six-pack of beer. Alice helped Charlotte do the dishes and clean up, and Bobby sat silently at the kitchen table, watching them. He hadn't taken his eyes off his mother since she got home. He had been terrified when he realized that she was gone, and sure that she would never come back again. And when she went back upstairs to her room, he followed her, and sat down on the end of her bed.

“It's okay, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere. I'm fine. Honest.” She could see in Bobby's big blue eyes that he was still scared. The memory of Johnny leaving them so suddenly was still fresh for all of them, Bobby particularly, and after a while, he came to sit next to her on the bed and held her hand.

It was only after she had put him to bed that she heard a sound in her room, and thought that Charlotte had wandered in to borrow something to wear, as she often did. She was taller than Alice, and narrower, but she still managed to borrow her fair share of sweaters and accessories to wear with her favorite pair of jeans.

“Charlie?” Alice said in the direction of her closet, as she got back into bed, and then jumped when she saw Johnny smiling at her. He was wearing the same blue shirt and clean pair of jeans he'd been wearing when she saw him in the hospital, and his hair was as neat and freshly trimmed as it had been the night of the prom.