Danielle Steel: Lightning

“Why?”

“Because I don't belong here. If you belong with him. I know that. No matter how lousy he's been, or how badly he's hurt you, you still belong to him. I know that in my gut.” He was crying as he said it to her, but she couldn't deny the truth of what he was saying. “If he goes, then you'd be alone anyway. You'd be free. But if he doesn't, I'm going home, Alex. I think I'm ready to go back now. I left because of my sister, but you helped me heal those wounds. I always felt responsible because she quit taking her chemo. I always felt I should have made her do it. I know now that I couldn't have changed anything. She did what she wanted.” He Sounded peaceful and more mature than she had ever heard him. It was hard growing up. It was always so damn painful.

“You saved my life, Brock.” She said it without reservation.

“You'd have done it anyway, because you're that kind of woman. You're not a quitter. That's why you still love him. You just won't give up, will you?” There was more truth to it than she'd ever realized, but Brock had made a difference in her chemo, and her survival. He had kept her at it.

“I think you made the difference,” she said, giving him the credit he deserved.

“That's nice to hear, but you never know.” He looked at her with a sad smile then, “I'll always love you, you know.”

“You make it sound like you're leaving, and not Sam,” she said with tears in her eyes, and he shrugged.

“Maybe I should anyway,” he said sadly. The last three months had taken a terrible toll on them. Oddly enough, it had been better between them when he was helping her get through chemo.

“Don't go, Brock. He doesn't have a chance of getting off now.” She was trying to reassure him, but it only saddened her more.

“Even if he goes, you'll always love him.”

“That's true,” she admitted, “I will. But he's the past, and you're the future. You have to decide if you can face that. If you can live with knowing that I loved him.” He nodded, but he didn't answer, and when he left the apartment, she had a strange feeling that he wasn't coming back, that he would never be able to accept the relationship she'd had with Sam, and the fact that she'd really loved him. He wanted her to hate him, but she didn't. He wanted her not to have a history with anyone, no bond to a man she still cared about so deeply. But life was never that simple. It never dealt the easy hands. The quick wins. There were always the difficult combinations, the tough choices, to deal with. But there were no choices for her now. Sam was going. And Brock would either grow up or he wouldn't. He would either live with her past or he'd leave her. She had a feeling, though, that in the long run, the ten years between them was a chasm beyond bridging, and that Brock knew it too. He seemed ready to go now. In a way, they had healed each other, and perhaps their time together was over. It was sad even thinking of that, but she had learned a lot in the past year about acceptance. And she knew that if she had to be, she could be alone now. But it was odd feeling that she was about to lose both of the men in her life. Maybe it was time for her to be on her own.

And as she lay in bed that night, she thought of Brock and all he'd done for her, but it was Sam she thought of constantly until morning, Sam who needed her thoughts and her strength now. Sam who seemed to be woven into her very soul, who seemed to be a part of her forever. And as she realized that, she felt strangely peaceful. There was no fighting it, he had become an unalterable part of her long since, and she had never even noticed.

She was up at six o'clock, and dressed in a black suit at seven. She didn't tell Annabelle where she was going, but Carmen knew. And Alex looked serious at breakfast and she left for the courthouse early so she would be there when Sam arrived. She wanted to be there for him.

The courthouse was already full when she got there, and she didn't want to crowd the counsel's table, although she could have. There was a huge row going on, because Simon Barrymore had fled the country the night before, and jumped bail, and the judge was in a furor. But once that was taken care of, and a warrant issued for Simon's arrest for jumping bail, the judge was prepared to deal with the others.

Once again, Larry and Tom went first. And each was sentenced to ten years in prison, with a million-dollar fine each. There was a gasp in the courtroom, and as usual, the reporters went wild and had to be reprimanded.

The judge was frantically pounding his gavel, and then he asked Sam to stand up. He looked very serious and very calm, and there was a stir in the courtroom. There had always been recognition that Sam's case was different from the others. He had maintained till the end that he hadn't known what they were doing, and due to the extenuating circumstances of his wife's illness, and his own stupidity, not to mention his affair with Daphne, he had been temporarily lulled into paying far too little attention to the practices of his partners. The jury had recognized the merit of that too, which was why they had cleared him of the embezzlement charges, but the charges of fraud had stood and he had been found guilty.

The judge looked at him long and hard. And then with a slow, deliberate voice he spoke Sam's sentence. “Samuel Livingston Parker, I hereby sentence you to a fine, paid out of your personal funds, of five hundred thousand dollars, and ten years in prison.” The crowd roared, and every photographer in the place pressed toward him, as the judge shouted and continued to rap his gavel. Sam closed his eyes, but only for a split second, and Alex felt so nauseous suddenly it almost felt like chemo. “Ten years in prison,” he repeated, glaring at the crowd and then at Sam, for silence, “with your sentence to be reduced as of this date to ten years probation, and the court recommends that you find some other line of work, Mr. Parker. Dog-catching, if you like, but stay out of the venture capital business, and stay off Wall Street.” Sam stood staring at the judge, as did everyone in the courtroom. For an instant there was silence. Ten years probation. He was free, or as good as. Alex couldn't believe it.

And then pandemonium broke loose in the courtroom.

The lawyers were all shaking hands as Larry and Tom were led away, and Sam stood looking dazed while court was adjourned and photographers from every paper in the country took his picture. Alex couldn't even get to him for the next twenty minutes, and she just stood staring at him in amazement. Phillip Smith had done an incredible job, but so had the judge, and the probation office itself had recommended for probation. They had concluded that Sam was a fool, but not a criminal, and no real purpose would be served by sending him to prison. And as she thought of it, she remembered the five-hundred-thousand-dollar check she had refused to take from him two days before. He was going to find it very useful.

She waited until he was out in the hallway to talk to him. She congratulated Phillip Smith, and the rest of his team, and then suddenly she found herself looking up at Sam, and he was smiling at her, almost shyly.

“This comes as a surprise, doesn't it?” he said, still looking dazed.

“I almost fell over when he said it,” Alex admitted. “I figured you were gone for good.” She smiled and he laughed, feeling new again, just as she had when she'd finished chemo.

“Poor Annabelle …everything we put her through for nothing…let's pick her up at school,” Sam said, and then he looked down at Alex with an odd expression, and spoke to her softly in the lull of the crowd. “Let's go somewhere and talk.”

“What about your hotel?” she whispered in his ear, and he nodded agreement.

“I'll meet you there in half an hour,” he said, and followed Phillip Smith out of the courthouse.