Danielle Steel - Lone eagle

“But Andy, please,” the tears were rolling down her cheeks. “I can't do this… I can't…” she sobbed. She was in love with Joe, and not with him. She had never felt so trapped in her life as she just had, listening to him. He was not going to let her out, she knew, no matter what she said. Her only choice then would be to run away with Joe, and live with him. She couldn't even take Reed with her if she wasn't divorced and didn't have custody. Andy might as well have put her in jail and locked her in. And they both knew he just had. She had not yet consulted a lawyer, she had wanted to tell Andy first, but she knew that she could not divorce him without grounds to do so. And she had none against him. Her hands were tied, unless he agreed. “You have to listen to me,” she pleaded with him. “You don't want me like this.” She was sobbing, and his eyes were hard.

“We're married, Kate. That's the end of it. You'll feel better about it in a while, and you'll thank me for this one day. You were about to make a terrible mistake, and I'm not going to let that happen to us. I can't. Now, I'm going to shower and take a nap. Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?” When she looked up at him, her eyes were bleak. She didn't want to go anywhere with him. She didn't want to be married to him. She was his prisoner now. Not his wife.

She never answered him about dinner, and he didn't wait to hear her response. He left the room and closed the bedroom door. He was shaking when he walked into the bathroom and locked the door, but Kate didn't know that. For the first time in the years she'd known him, she hated him. All she wanted was to be with Joe, but she couldn't leave her son. Andy knew he had her by the throat. She would never abandon Reed. And if Andy would not agree to divorce her, she was trapped.

When she heard him turn on the shower, she called Joe. He was in a meeting, but she asked Hazel to get him out, and a moment later, he was on the phone.

“What's up? Was it very bad?” He sounded worried. He'd been thinking about her all day, wondering how it had gone when she told Andy she was leaving him.

“Worse than that. He won't even listen to me. He won't give me a divorce. And if he doesn't, I can't take Reed.”

“He's just bluffing you, Kate. He's scared. Just hold firm.”

“You don't understand. I've never seen him like this. He says the matter is closed. It's done. He wouldn't even let me talk about it.” She hadn't even had the chance to tell him about Joe, which had seemed fair and she thought would convince him. But he wouldn't let her speak, and Kate felt as though he had surrounded himself with a wall of stone.

“Then take the baby and walk out,” Joe said, sounding stern. She felt trapped between the two men, like their pawn. “He can't force you to stay there.”

“He can force me to come back with Reed, if he takes me to court.” She sounded scared, and she was. The way Andy had looked at her, she knew she had good reason to be. Andy did not intend to lose her or his son.

“He won't. The two of you can stay with me.” It would be an even bigger scandal than it was, if she did. She knew she had to get Andy to agree with her, to let her out. It was the only way she could go.

“I'll talk to him tonight,” she said. He went back to his meeting, and she hung up as Andy got out of the shower. She called a sitter and agreed to go to dinner with him that night, but the atmosphere between them was extremely unpleasant when she did. He was icy with her and his tone was hard. He wanted her to know that he meant everything he'd said. She was hoping to convince him over dinner, but she got nowhere.

“Andy, please, listen to me…. I can't do this. You don't want to be married to me like this.” She was pleading with him. And in order to win him over, it suddenly seemed like the wrong time to tell him it was Joe.

“Kate, when I left, everything was fine. It was great. It's going to be great again. Trust me on this. You're hysterical, you don't know what you're doing, and I'm not going to let you destroy our life.” He was ice cold and firm, and she felt as though he had a grip on her throat. She could barely speak.

“Things have changed. You've been gone for four months.” She felt desperate as she tried to explain it to him. And she had an eerie sense that he knew what had happened and with whom. But he didn't seem to care. No matter what Kate did or said, Andy would not let her go. He didn't want to know who or why. He wanted to hear none of it, and they spoke not a word to each other as they went home in a cab. Kate felt almost as though she had lost her strength to move or walk or speak to him.

She got a sitter and went to Joe's office the next day. She was panic-stricken, and Joe was visibly upset. But she needed support and direction from him. It was as though Andy had grown into someone she didn't even know while he was in Germany. He was immovable and invincible. And she sat talking to Joe in tears.

“He can't just keep you there, Kate. You're not a child, for Heaven's sake. Pack your bags and get out.”

“And leave my son?”

“You can go back for him afterward. Take Andy to court, for chrissake.”

“And say what? That I cheated on him? I have no grounds for divorce. And he'll say that I abandoned my son. I'll never get Reed back again. They'll say I'm an unfit mother for having an affair with you and leaving my son. Joe, I can't leave.” Not unless Andy agreed.

“Are you telling me you're going to stay married to him?”

“What else can I do?” Her eyes looked like two dark blue pools of pain. “I have no choice. For right now anyway. Maybe he'll give in eventually, but right now he's refusing to be reasonable. He won't even let me talk about it.”

“Kate, this is insane.” She knew it was. But Andy had been very clever about it, and he was fighting like a tiger to keep her, whether she wanted to be there or not. She had to admire him for that. But however much she admired Andy, it was Joe she loved. He came around his desk and put his arms around her while she sobbed uncontrollably.

“I never should have left you three years ago,” she cried. Now she was trapped, and she realized that Andy would never let her out. She had lost her chance to be with Joe. And she wouldn't give up her son, even for him.

“I didn't give you much choice. I was a damn fool to let you walk out on me three years ago, and tell you you'd never be as important as my planes.” He still remembered the speech he'd made. Three years later, he knew how wrong he'd been, but for the moment at least, it appeared to be too late. “Do you want me to talk to him, Kate? That might put the fear of God into him. What about buying him off?” It was a crass idea, but Joe was willing to do whatever would work, but Kate shook her head.

“He doesn't need your money, Joe. He has his own. This isn't about money. It's about love.”

“Owning someone isn't love, Kate. That's all he's got. He owns you right now because of your son. It's the only hold on you he's got.” But it was a powerful one. He had checked it out with an attorney that day. If she left the boy, she ran the risk of losing him. And if she took him, Andy could force her to bring Reed back, unless she kidnapped him and disappeared. But that was impossible for either of them. She could hardly go into hiding as Joe's wife.

“I'm trapped, Joe. I can't get out,” she said miserably. She had felt so sorry for Andy for the past four months, and now he was squeezing the life out of them. He had their future in his hands and he was turning it to dust.

“Just wait awhile. You can't live like this forever. You're too young, and so is he. He'll give up eventually. He's got to want something more than this in his life.” He was fighting for his family, his wife, his son, and he wasn't willing to give any of it up, nor lose Kate.