Danielle Steel - Remembrance

“And don't think you'll get a dime from me, for you or your child. I hope you both rot in hell for what you did to Bradford.” She slammed down the phone, and Serena cried unconsolably for two hours. And it was then that Teddy felt the same hatred for his mother that he knew Brad had. All he wanted to do was protect Serena, but there was nothing he could do to change what had happened. Brad was gone, leaving no will, and even if he had left one, it would have been small comfort to Serena. She wanted her husband back. She didn't want the money.

When Margaret Fullerton arrived from New York, she brought Pattie and Greg with her. Brad's father was still too ill to make the trip, and in any case, under doctor's advice, they hadn't told him the awful news.

Teddy picked up the threesome at the airport. His mother looked rigid and grim, Greg seemed in a haze, and Pattie nervously chatted on the way in from the airport. The only thing his mother said on the drive into town was “I don't want to see that woman.” Teddy felt his guts seethe.

“You're going to have to. She's been through enough without you torturing her further.”

“She killed my son.” Her eyes were filled with hatred. “Your son was killed in Korea on a military mission, for God's sake, and Serena just lost a baby.”

“Just as well. She couldn't have afforded to support it now anyway.”

“You make me sick.”

“You'd do well to stay away from her, Teddy, unless you want trouble with me.”

“I won't do that.” Nothing more was said and he left them at the hotel and went back to Serena.

At the funeral the next day Margaret stood with Pattie and Greg, and Teddy stood between Vanessa and Serena. Vanessa seemed not to understand what was going on, and her mother kept a clawlike grip on Teddy's hand throughout the military honors. At the end they handed her the folded flag, and slowly Serena turned, walked to where Margaret stood, and held it out, with trembling hands, to Brad's mother. There was a moment's hesitation as their eyes met and held, and then the older woman took it from her, saying not a single word of thanks. She handed it to Greg and then turned and walked away, her face concealed by a black veil as Serena watched her.

Teddy drove Serena and Vanessa home after that and he glanced at his sister-in-law as she blew her nose.

“Why did you do that?” She knew he meant the flag. “You didn't have to.”

“She's his mother.” Her eyes filled with tears as they met his, and suddenly she put her head on his shoulder and she sobbed. “Oh, God, what am I going to do without him?” He stopped the car and then took her in his arms and held her as Vanessa watched them.

30

“Serena?” He came up softly behind her as she sat in the fog in the garden, listening to the foghorns. In the past week she had become a kind of ghost—a haunted person. It was painful to see, as if she were slipping away.

“Yes?”

“You've got to be all right, Serena. You have to.”

“Why?” She looked at him blankly.

“For me, for yourself, for Vanessa …” His own eyes filled with tears. “For Brad.”

“Why?”

“Because you have to, dammit.” He wanted to shake her. “If you fall apart, what will happen to that child?”

“You'll take care of her, won't you?” She looked suddenly desperate, and with a sigh he nodded.

“Yes, but that's not the point. She needs you.”

“But will you?” Her eyes searched his face and they both remembered the paper. “If I die, will you take care of her?”

“You won't die.”

“I want to.”

He shook her then. “You can't.” And with that, they both heard a little voice from the doorway.

“Mommy, I need you.” She had had a bad dream, and at the sound of her voice Serena began to awake from hers. The following week Teddy helped Serena find an apartment, and she packed up all of their beautiful things and moved to Pacific Heights. It was a two-bedroom flat with a view of the bay, which she could just manage on her pension, and if they wanted to eat too, she realized that she was going to have to get a job.

“Maybe I should go downtown and start selling my body?” She looked cynically at Teddy and he did not look amused. But the thought, however sarcastic, sparked an idea for Serena, and the next day she went downtown and inquired at all the large department stores. By noon the next day she had been hired, and she returned to tell Teddy that she was employed. “I got a job today.”

“Doing what?” He worried about her all the time. She had been through so much, the loss of her husband, her baby, her home. How much could she stand? He asked himself that question often.

“As a model for seventy-five dollars a week.”

“And who will take care of your daughter?”

“I'll find someone.” There was a look of determination on her face as she said it. She refused to be beaten by life, no matter how hard it tried to defeat her. She had survived the loss of her parents, and the war. Now Brad. But she was determined to get through it. For Vanessa.

He shook his head. “I don't want you to do that. I want you to let me help you.” But she wouldn't. She had found a job, and she was going to support them. If it killed her, she was going to make it. She owed that much to Brad. It had been only three weeks since he had been killed in Korea, and now the United States was at war —it was as if her private war was becoming public.

She looked at Teddy now in sudden fear. “How soon are you going back to New York?” She knew he was due to start his internship in August and it was almost July. But he was shaking his head slowly.

“I'm not.”

“You're staying?” For a moment she looked thrilled.

“No.” He took a deep breath. He had been dreading telling her. “I enlisted in the Navy. I want to go to Korea.”

“What?” She screamed the word at him and unconsciously grabbed his shirt. “You can't do that! Not you too …” She began to sob quietly as she clutched him and he pulled her into his arms with tears in his own eyes.

“I have to. For him.” And for her, he thought to himself. To get away from the feelings he had that threatened to spill over at any moment.

“When do you leave?”

“A few days. A few weeks. Whenever they call me.”

“And what about us?” She looked suddenly terrified.

“You'll be all right.” He smiled at her through his tears. “Hell, you have a job.”

“Oh, Teddy, don't go.” She held him close to her, and nothing more was said, as they stood there, holding on to the last shreds of what was no more, and would never be again. Just as her childhood had ended as Mussolini's bullets had ripped into her parents long ago, now another era was over. She would never again be Brad's wife, never feel his arms around her. And now there wouldn't even be Teddy. They had all grown up. In three short weeks. The early days were over.

31

At six o'clock in the morning, on a foggy day in late July, Serena stood at the pier in Oakland, hugging Teddy for the last time. The weeks had flown by so quickly, she couldn't believe that he was already leaving. She had begged him to change his mind at first, and then finally she had accepted his decision. And it was obvious from the way things were going in Korea that sooner or later he would have to go. He had got a commission in the Navy, and would get his training as an intern somewhere in Korea. It certainly wasn't what they had been planning. But then again, ever since Brad's death what was?