Danielle Steel - The Gift

John stirred slightly as she got into bed next to him, and she almost wished he would wake up so she could ask him, but he didn't. Instead he wound his arms around her, and pulled her closer to him, as he had for years, until tragedy had struck them both numb for the past year. But she lay there in his arms, thinking, about what she felt, and what she wanted, and what was right for ail of them. Maribeth had made a powerful argument for them taking it, but it was hard to know if that was the right thing to do, or just very appealing because it was what she wanted.

She lay there for a long time, unable to sleep, and wishing him awake, and finally he opened his eyes and looked at her, as though sensing her anxious-ness. He was more than half asleep when he opened his eyes and spoke to her. “Is something wrong?” he whispered in the darkness.

“What would you say if I asked you how you felt about having another baby?” she asked, wide-awake, and wishing that he were more than just semiconscious.

“I'd say you were crazy,” he smiled and closed his eyes again, and drifted back to sleep in less than a minute. But that was not the answer she wanted.

She lay there awake next to him all night, and she only slept for a half hour before daybreak. She was too wound up to sleep, too worried, too nervous, too filled with questions and terrors and concerns and longing. And she finally got up, and went to the kitchen in her nightgown and made herself a cup of coffee. She sat there staring into it for a long time, and sipping it, and by eight o'clock she knew what she wanted. She had known it long before, but she hadn't known if she would have the courage to pursue it. But she knew she had to do it now, not just for Maribeth and the child, but for herself, and John, and maybe even for Tommy. The gift had been offered to them, and there was no way she was going to refuse it.

She took her cup of coffee and went back to their bedroom and woke him. He was surprised to see her up. There was no rush to get up this year, no reason to dash into the living room and see what Santa had left under the tree. They could all get up in good time, and Tommy and Maribeth hadn't stirred yet.

“Hi,” she said, smiling at him. It was a small shy smile he hadn't seen in a long time, and reminded him of when they had been a lot younger.

“You look like a woman with a mission.” He smiled and rolled over on his back, stretching.

“I am. Maribeth and I had a long talk last night,” she said, as she approached the bed, and sat down next to him, praying he wouldn't refuse her. There was no way to doctor this up, to delay, or stall. She knew she just had to tell him, and she was terrified to do it. It mattered so much to her. She wanted it so much, and she desperately wanted him to want it, and she was afraid he wouldn't. “She wants us to keep the baby,” she said softly.

“All of us?” He looked startled. “Tommy too? She wants to many him?” John sat up in bed, looking seriously worried. “I was afraid that would happen.”

“No, not all of us. And she doesn't want to many him, not now in any case. You and I. She wants us to adopt the baby.”

“Us? Why?” He looked more than shocked. He looked incoherent.

“Because she thinks we're good people and good parents.”

“But what if she changes her mind, and what are we going to do with a baby?” He looked horrified and Liz smiled at him. It had definitely given him a jolt first thing in the morning.

“The same thing we did with the other two. Stay awake all night for two years and long for the days when we got some sleep, and then enjoy the hell out of it for the rest of our lives … or theirs,” she said sadly, thinking of Annie. “It's a gift, John …for a moment, for a year, for as long as life is willing to let us keep it. And I don't want to turn it down. I don't want to give up my dreams again … I never thought we'd have another child, and Dr. MacLean says I can't …but now this girl has walked into our lives and offered to give us back our dreams.”

“What if she wants it back in a few years, when she grows up, and gets married, or even if she marries Tommy?”

“I suppose we can protect ourselves legally, and she says she won't. I don't think she will. I think she really believes that it will be a better life for the baby if she gives it up, and she means it. She knows she can't take care of it. She's begging us to keep it.”

“Wait till she sees it,” he said cynically. “No woman can carry a baby for nine months and give it up just like that.”

“Some can,” Liz said matter-of-factly. “I think Maribeth will, not because she doesn't care, but because she cares so much. It's her greatest act of love for that baby, giving it up, giving it to us” Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she looked at her husband. “John, I want it. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything …please don't say no …please let us do it.” He looked at her long and hard while she tried not to tell herself that she would hate him if he didn't let her do it. She couldn't believe that he could possibly know all that she'd been through, and how badly she wanted this child, not to replace Annie, who would never come back to them again, but to move forward, to bring them joy again, and laughter and love, to be a shining little light in their midst. It was all she wanted and she couldn't believe he would ever understand that. She knew that if he didn't let her do it, she would die.

“All right, Liz,” he said softly, taking her hands in his own. “It's all right, baby … I understand …” he said, as tears rolled down her cheeks as she clung to him, realizing how unfair she had been to him. He did know. He was still the same man he had always been, and she loved him more than ever. They'd been through so much and they'd survived. “We'll tell her we'll do it. I think we should speak to Tommy though. He has to feel the same way about it that we do.”

She agreed to that, and she could hardly wait for him to wake up. It was another two hours, and he was up before Maribeth. He was stunned when his mother explained what Maribeth had offered them. But he had come to understand recently just how strongly Maribeth felt about giving up the baby, and that she felt it was right for her, and for the baby, and she wanted to do it and give it a better life. And now that he felt he might not lose her after all, he was less panicked about forcing her to marry him, and taking on the baby. In fact, he thought it was the ideal solution. He hoped that one day he and Maribeth would have children of their own, but for this child, it was the perfect solution. And he could see in his mother's eyes how much it meant to her. His parents seemed closer already as they talked to him, and his father looked powerful and calm, as he sat next to Liz and held her hand. In some ways, it was very exciting. They were about to share a new life.

And when Maribeth got up, they were all waiting for her to tell her their decision. They had unanimously agreed to adopt the baby. She looked at them and started to cry in relief, and then she thanked all of them and hugged them, and cried some more. They all cried, it was an emotional time for all of them. A time of hope and love, a time of giving and sharing. A time to start again, with the gift she gave them.

“You're sure?” Tommy asked her that afternoon as they went for a walk, and she nodded, looking absolutely certain. They had opened their gifts and had a huge lunch. This was the first chance they'd had to talk to each other alone since that morning.

“It's what I want,” she said, feeling very calm and very strong. She felt more energetic than she had in a long time. And they walked all the way to the skating pond and back, which was several miles. But she said she had never felt better. She felt as though she could do anything now. She felt as though she had done what she had come here to do. She had given them the gift that she was meant to give them. And once she had, all of their lives would be richer from the blessing they had shared with each other.