Danielle Steel - The Kiss

By the time the wedding came, Isabelle was panicked. He had missed calling her a few times, and when she asked him about it, he said he'd been too busy. He had found an apartment in Washington, and met with the young senator about his campaign. He sounded excited when he talked about that. And for two days after the wedding, Bill didn't call her at all. And for some odd, instinctive reason, she suddenly didn't dare call him. He had suddenly put up walls to keep her out.

It had been a beautiful wedding, and everyone had cried when Joe and Jane exchanged their vows. With Joe in his wheelchair, and Jane standing next to him, holding his hand, it had been incredibly touching. And no one cried more than Bill, sitting in his wheelchair, next to Cynthia, at the end of the first pew.

“Are you okay?” she asked him at the reception. He was sitting next to her, and she found him unusually quiet. “You look stressed.”

“Just thinking about work. I'm leaving the rehab and going to Washington in a few days. You know how I am.” Physically, he looked terrific, but she could see that something was bothering him.

“You seem upset.” In the end, she assumed that it had gotten to him watching his baby get married.

Olivia came and sat with him some of the time, and when Jane was supposed to dance with him, she danced with her grandfather instead while he and Joe watched, smiling at her. It didn't seem to bother Joe, but it bothered Bill. A lot. It was a beautiful wedding, a great party, and everyone had a great time. And as he rode back to the rehab facility that night, all Bill could think about was Isabelle.

He stayed in his room and didn't even go to physical therapy for two days, and then he finally got up the guts to make the call. She was worried about him by then, and he hadn't answered his phone when she finally called him. It had rung several times in the past two days. He knew it was Isabelle. And he just lay on his bed, thinking about her, and wishing he were dead.

“Where have you been?” she asked, with a note of panic in her voice when he finally called. “I thought you went on the honeymoon with them,” she teased. But he could hear that she was worried and hurt and hated himself for it. He knew that the concern she had felt was nothing compared to the pain she was going to feel. After five years of talking to her, it was inconceivable to no longer have her in his life. But he was certain now that it was the final gift that he owed her. “How was the wedding?” she asked innocently, and he sighed.

“It was beautiful. Everyone cried at the ceremony, and after that they had a great time.”

“Tell me about it.” Teddy was still asleep, he was sleeping later these days, and she had lots of time.

He did, and then he took a breath. It was like jumping off the high dive. “Isabelle, there's something I have to tell you.” She could feel her heart stop. She knew before he said another word that something was terribly wrong.

“Why do I not like the sound of that?” She held her breath, waiting for the other shoe to fall.

“Cynthia and I renewed our vows.” There was an endless silence at her end while she absorbed what he had just said to her.

“What exactly does that mean?” She was trying to be polite, but she wanted to scream. As always, she was gracious and waited for him to explain.

“We made a recommitment to our marriage.” It was the second-worst lie he had ever told her. The first one was when he told her that he could walk again. “Things have changed since I've been at the rehab facility. We thought it was important for the girls.” One was married and the other was twenty-two years old. How important could it be to two grown women for their parents to renew their vows? But Isabelle didn't ask the obvious, the fact that they'd done it was all that mattered and that she heard.

“When did you decide this?” Her whole body was shaking, but she sounded deceptively calm.

“In the last few weeks.” He sounded almost cavalier and forced himself not to think of what it was doing to her.

“I knew something was wrong.” She was right about that. She knew him well, which was hardly surprising after five years. “Is that why you wouldn't make plans to come to Paris?” It explained it to her now. She knew he was worried about something, she just hadn't known what. “What does that mean for us?”

“I don't think we should talk to each other anymore.” His words hit her harder than the impact of the bus. She couldn't even speak for a moment, and she thought she was going to pass out. She couldn't get air in her lungs, and she could feel her heart for the first time since the accident. It was as though he had dropped a wrecking ball on her, and she was too crushed to answer. But she knew she had to say something. She hadn't expected this. But she could hardly blame him. She had refused to leave Gordon, for Teddy's sake. She had so little to offer Bill, except their calls. It made sense to her for him to recommit himself to Cynthia, no matter how much it hurt her. It seemed right for him, and she loved him enough to want the best for him.

“I don't know what to say. I'm happy for you, Bill.” He had recovered not only his legs, but his marriage, and she wished him well. He could hear that she was crying and he wanted to die. But he knew it was the right thing for her, whether she knew it or not. Only his love for her had led him to do such an awful thing. He knew that with what he'd said, he had destroyed part of his own heart. It was the ultimate sacrifice he could make for her, and she for him.

“I want you to take care of yourself. Don't let Gordon get the upper hand. Save your ammunition, and if he tortures you, use it on him. He won't bother you after that. As long as Louise's husband is alive, he'll want to stay married to you.” He had thought a lot about it, and it was the only thing he was worried about now. He didn't want Gordon tormenting her, and he would no longer know about it. He couldn't protect her from him anyway, except with his love, which seemed too little to him now anyway.

“It's nice of you to worry about that,” she said, sounding shocked and confused. “I don't understand … you didn't tell me things were better between you and Cynthia. How did that happen? And when?”

“I don't know. Maybe when the kids decided to get married, we figured we needed to clean up our act.” In fact, their divorce had come through in March right after Jane and Joe told them they were getting married. Cynthia appeared to be very serious now with the man she'd been seeing for nine months, and Bill was happy for her.

“I want you to be happy, Bill,” she said generously, “whatever that means to you. And for what it's worth, I love you with all my heart.”

“I know you do,” there were tears rolling down his cheeks, but he couldn't let her hear it in his voice. Her freedom depended on his convincing her, and he was determined to do it right. “I love you too, Isabelle.” He wanted to tell her he always would, but there was no way he could say that. “Take good care of yourself. If you ever need anything, call me. I'll always be there for you.”

“I don't think Cynthia would like that.”

“Thirty years is a long time. It's hard to walk away from that.” But he had walked away from that too. For similar reasons. But it was Isabelle who owned his heart, and he knew she always would. But only he knew that.

“I'm going to miss you terribly,” she said, beginning to sob. “But I want you to be happy … be happy … be good to yourself, Bill. You deserve so much.” He knew he deserved to burn in hell for what he was doing to her, but he was still convinced that the gift he was giving her was greater than the pain she had now. She'd see that one day, he was sure.