Danielle Steel - The Kiss

“Are you married?” Helena asked casually. Everyone knew she was engaged, and crazy about her fiance. She was just curious about Bill. He was a handsome man, and in another life she would have been attracted to him, but she was happy now with her fiance.

“Divorced. Almost. In a few months.”

“That's too bad,” she sympathized. “You'll be very popular here,” she grinned. But Bill thought he'd never seen so many good-looking men in one place, and most of them half his age. He wasn't worried about it, he didn't consider himself available. He was in love with Isabelle. “Do you have a girlfriend?” He was about to say no, and then decided to be honest with her.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to marry her?” She cut right to the chase.

“No.” And then he threw caution to the winds. He had no need for secrets here. “She's married to someone else, and she's going to stay that way. It's just as well now.”

“What does that mean?” She looked intently at him, and missed seeing one of the major scores in the game. The din around them in the gym was deafening, but she was more interested in what Bill had just said.

“It means that she doesn't need my problems added to her own. She has a sick kid. She doesn't need a husband in a wheelchair.” It seemed obvious to him.

“Why not? What difference does that make? You'd better get over that. Is that how she feels?”

“Probably not. But it's how I feel. I'm not going to be a burden to her.”

“That's nice of you. What about them?” She pointed to the guys in the game, crashing into each other, rolling around the court at full speed, with wide smiles and sweat running down their faces. They were having a great time. “Do they look like a burden to you?”

“I'm not married to them. But maybe I'd think so if I were. Look, Helena, I can't dance, I can't stand, I can't walk down the street, I don't even know if I can still work anymore. I can't inflict that on someone else.” And he didn't even mention to her that the last time he had made love, he had failed.

“What were you? An ice skater?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. She was a bright girl, and he already liked her style.

“I'm in politics.”

“Is that something you can't do sitting down? That's news to me.”

“You know what I'm talking about.”

“Yeah, I do. I used to feel that way too, and then I figured out how stupid it was. I talk funny now. I forget things sometimes, I fall down in the middle of talking to someone. Pretty embarrassing. And I don't know if I can work anymore either. But I'll be goddamned if I'm going to give up my life over it. I'm better than that. I can do other things. I still look halfway decent,” she said modestly, and he rolled his eyes, they were friends now. Friendships here formed quickly, it was like shipboard, and the bond they had in common held them fast. “I'm still smart, even if I sound stupid. And if that's not good enough for someone, then to hell with them. My fiancé doesn't give a damn about all this, and if he did, I wouldn't want him anyway. Maybe you should give the lady a chance to make up her own mind.”

“It's a little more complicated than that.”

“What isn't?” Helena said, unimpressed, watching the game again for a minute, and then she turned her eyes back to Bill. “Just make sure you don't decide that for the wrong reasons. I'd bet my ass that if she's worth your loving her, and she probably is, she wouldn't give a damn if you can walk or not.” He knew that what she was saying was true. But for Isabelle there was still the problem of Teddy. And for Bill, whether he continued seeing her or not depended on whether or not he could walk again. It was a condition he had imposed on himself, unbeknownst to Isabelle.

“You know, Helena, that's a bet I'd like to take,” he was teasing her right back. But he had heard everything she'd said, and was profoundly touched, not only by her own courage, but for her candor with him.

“What bet?”

“Your ass,” he said, and she laughed out loud.

“Calm down, big boy. You're in love, and I'm engaged.”

“It's a damn shame,” he said with good humor. They sat together like old friends for the rest of the game.

Joe's team had won when he finally joined them again. He was happy and sweaty, and a gorgeous kid, Bill noticed again as the three of them went back to the cafeteria for something to drink afterward, and most of the members of both teams and their supporters were there. It had been a fun evening, and when Helena left them finally to go back to her room, Joe grinned at Bill.

“So, is she breaking her engagement?” Joe asked with a grin. “We've all tried.”

“I'm working on it, but not yet.” They both knew he was only kidding. She was madly in love with her fiance, and Joe said he was a great guy. They were planning to be married in the spring, and Helena was determined to walk down the aisle under her own steam. And from what he'd seen that night, the indomitable spirit that shone from her like a beacon, Bill figured she could do it. She was a terrific girl.

“She has a sister who comes to visit her,” Joe commented to Bill as they rolled back to their dorm. “She looks like a frog.” Bill laughed out loud. “They must have had a different mother or something. Helena fixed me up with her, and I was really surprised. But she's very nice.” The two men exchanged a very male glance, and Bill laughed again.

“It works that way sometimes.”

“So will you play with us next time?” Joe asked as they rolled down the hall to their rooms.

“I think I'd rather watch.” He had enjoyed the conversation with Helena, and was thinking about what she'd said, but he still didn't agree with her. He was not going to be a burden or an invalid in anyone's life, and surely not Isabelle's, even if they only met a couple of times a year. That was a headache she just didn't need. She had enough in her life without that.

“Do you want to come into New York tomorrow? Some of the other guys are coming with me. We're going to dinner and a show.”

“I'd love to,” Bill said kindly, “but my daughters are coming to see me. They're coming up from school.” Olivia was coming up from Georgetown, and Jane from NYU.

“How old are they?” Joe asked with interest. He was definitely interested in girls, although he hadn't actually dated anyone since the death of his fiancée.

“Nineteen and twenty-one. I'd like you to meet them if you're around when they get here.”

“We're not going to the city till six o'clock,” Joe said as they got to Bill's room. “I've got a swim meet tomorrow, but I'll be here.” He had been the captain of his college swimming team.

“I'll look for you,” Bill promised, and then they both went to their rooms. Bill felt bad because he hadn't had time to call Isabelle that night, but it was too late to call her now. It was five in the morning for her. And then he decided to wait an hour and call her when she got up.

He lay in bed and read for an hour, trying not to fall asleep, and then at midnight, he called. She was very quick to answer the phone, and she sounded relieved to hear his voice.

“Are you okay? I was worried about you.”

“I'm fine. I went to watch a basketball game. They're running my ass ragged here. But it's a very impressive place.” He told her about the people he'd met and the stories he'd heard, and the therapy he'd done all day.

“My God, I don't think I could do any of that,” she said, impressed.

“I'm not sure I can either. You only get one day off. The girls are coming tomorrow, it'll be good to see them.” He hadn't seen them in two months, and he missed them both. He was surprised to find he missed Cynthia too. But he didn't tell Isabelle that. After thirty years, Cynthia's presence had become a habit in his life that was hard to break, even if it was a habit he felt no longer belonged in his life. “How are you, sweetheart?”