Danielle Steel - the Wedding (2000)

What did your mother mean? he asked casually, as they headed toward the freeway. Allegra had leaned her head back against the seat with her eyes closed.

We should have gone to Vegas and called them afterward, Allegra said, sounding exhausted.

What did she mean about telling your father’? What does that mean? But Allegra didn't answer. She just sat there, with her eyes closed, pretending to be sleeping. But he glanced at her, and sensed the tension in her silence. He didn't understand it, and he gently touched her cheek with his fingers. Hey, don't ignore me. What did she mean? He had instinctively sensed something painful.

Allegra opened her eyes and looked at him. I don't want to talk about it now. Tonight was bad enough.

They drove in silence for a while, but Jeff refused to be put off. Her reticence disturbed him. Allegra, isn't Simon your father? There was a long, long pause. She was looking for an escape, a way not to tell him. She hated talking about it, even with him. It was too painful. She shook her head sadly, but she still didn't look at Jeff. She just stared out the window.

My mom married him when I was seven. For Allegra, it was a terrible confession, something she hated talking about or admitting.

I had no idea, he said cautiously, not wanting to tread on old secrets, but he was marrying her and he wanted to help her if he could, if this was as painful as it appeared from her silence.

My real’ father is a doctor in Boston. I hate him and he hates me too, she said as she looked at Jeff finally. It was a difficult subject to pursue, and he decided not to for the moment. He just touched her cheek gently again, and at the next light he leaned over and kissed her.

Whatever happened, I just want you to know that I'm there for you, and I love you. No one's ever going to hurt you again, Allegra. She had tears in her eyes when she kissed him and whispered thank you, and they drove the rest of the way to Malibu in silence.

In Bel Air, the Steinbergs were in their bedroom by then, and Blaire was watching Simon take his tie off.

I hear you had lunch with Elizabeth today, Blaire said coolly, pretending to rifle a magazine, and then she looked up at her husband again. I thought that was all over.

It never began, he said quietly, as he unbuttoned his shirt and walked into his bathroom. But he could sense her just behind him. She had followed him in, and her eyes bored into his when he turned around to face her. I told you, it's strictly a working relationship. He said it very calmly, but her shoulders sagged as she watched him. She felt so old just looking at him. He was having lunch with women her daughter's age, and he still looked so handsome. And she felt so faded and barely a woman anymore. She was a has-been, even professionally. And now she was the Mother of the Bride. She felt ancient.

What were you working on with her in Palm Springs? Blaire asked quietly.

Don't do this, he said, turning away. He refused to play the game with her again. They had done this too often already. We were just talking. That's all. We're friends. Let it go, Blaire, for both our sakes. You owe me that much.

I don't owe you anything, she said, with eyes full of tears as she left his bathroom, and then she turned to look at him again from the doorway. Are you offering her a picture? That's what Allegra said.

That's what I told her. We were just talking. That's all. She's going back to England.

And you? she asked sadly. Are you shooting your next picture there?

We're shooting the next one in New Mexico, he said, and walked slowly out of his bathroom to put his arms around her. I love you, Blaire. Please know that’ . Please don't push this anymore’ . You'll hurt both of us. But she wanted to hurt him, as much as he had hurt her when she found out he was having an affair with Elizabeth Coleson six months before. He had been perfectly discreet. No one else had ever known. But she had. She had found out by accident when someone saw them in Palm Springs, and reported it to her without realizing it. But she had understood instantly. A chill had run down her spine the minute she heard it. And he had denied it, of course, but when she saw them speak to each other for a few minutes at a party, she had been certain. They had the look of people who had told each other secrets in bed late at night, that private conspiracy that only happens in the bedroom. And when she'd pressed him about it again, he said nothing. And she knew then that she was right about her suspicions.

Allegra didn't know about it. No one did. Blaire had never told anyone. She just kept it inside, as her soul slowly wilted, as it had again tonight when Allegra had said she'd seen them.

Why do you have to go to a restaurant with her? Why can't you just see her in your office?

Because if I did, you'd think I was sleeping with her. I thought it would be better to see her in public.

It would be better not to see her at all, Blaire said quietly, her whole body seeming to sag as she sat on the bed, just as her soul did. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore, she said softly, and went to her own dressing room, and he didn't follow. Things were so difficult now. They hadn't slept with each other in months. Without even discussing it, they stopped once she knew he had had an affair. She felt he didn't love her and didn't desire her and she was growing older.

He was reading when she got back to the bedroom in her nightgown, and he looked at her kindly. He knew how painful it had been for her. He had regretted it terribly, but it was one of those things that just happened. And there was no way to undo it. He knew now, much to his chagrin, that Blaire would never let him forget it. And perhaps he deserved that. He accepted his fate at her hands and always wished that there were some way to let her know how much he still loved her. But she never believed him. All she ever focused on, other than her show, was Elizabeth Coleson. He wondered if the wedding would change all that and lift her spirits. He hoped so.

I'm happy for Allegra, he said quietly. Jeff is a nice guy. I think he'll be good to her. Blaire shrugged. Simon had been good to her too, for more than twenty years, and now it was all changed. They had been so happy, they had been so close. They had considered themselves special, and among the lucky ones, untouched by the hand of fate. And then, finally, it had touched them. And now everything was different, and it would never be the same again. He knew that. Even if he had broken it off after Palm Springs. It was too late now.

Blaire got into bed, and picked up a book. It was Jeff's new one. She had bought it the week before, and now he was going to be her son-in-law, but she could hardly think of him now, all she could think of was Simon having lunch with Elizabeth Coleson again. She couldn't help wondering what else they'd been doing. Was a lunch out in the open simply a brazen, sophisticated cover? She turned to look at him then. He had fallen asleep with his glasses on, and his book in his hands. And she lay watching him, feeling the ache where her love for him had once been, and now it was all so painful. It had been that way for months. As she closed his book and put his glasses away, she wondered if he had fallen asleep like that when he was with Elizabeth Coleson.

She put her own book away, and turned off the light. She was getting used to the pain and the loneliness. She had learned to live with them, but she remembered too well what it had been like before, before things had changed between them. And as she lay there, remembering the past, she forced herself to think of Allegra's wedding. Perhaps they'd be luckier than she and Simon had been. Perhaps the hand of fate would never touch them. She wished that for them, as she silently prayed for her daughter.