Danielle Steel - the Wedding (2000)

I'll leave you here, he said quietly, looking as troubled as she was. He didn't want to bang his head against a brick wall either. But he couldn't seem to let her go, nor believe that she wanted what she had, or didn't have, with Brandon.

He was about to say good night to her, and he had no intention of pressing her any further, when she took a single step toward him, and he couldn't help himself. He pulled her into his arms, and kissed her, holding her so tight she almost couldn't breathe, but she loved it. She felt safe and protected and desired, and there was no question of how badly he wanted her, and she knew that if she ever spent the night with him, he would never want to leave before morning.

She kissed him again and again, wanting him as badly as he wanted her, and then she pulled away and shook her head sadly. I can't do this, Jeff. There were tears in her eyes when she looked at him, and he nodded.

I know that. I wouldn't even want you to right now. You'd hate me afterward. Why don't we just let it be like this for a while? Kind of an old-fashioned romance, some hugging and kissing, and just being there, or maybe just friends, if that's what you want. I'll do whatever you want, he said gently. I'm not going anywhere, don't feel pressured.

I don't know what I feel, she said honestly. I'm so confused. She raised her eyes to his, and she looked truly tormented. I want you. ‘ I want him. ‘ I want him to be what he never has been, but I think he could be ‘ and why do I care? Why am I doing that? ‘ and I don't understand what I'm doing here. I feel like I'm falling in love with you. Is this real? Just a New York fling? I don't know what the hell's going on, she said, stumbling over her own words, as he smiled lovingly at her, and then kissed her again, and she didn't stop him. She loved kissing him, loved being in his arms, loved being with him, sitting in hansom cabs, and skating. What happens when we go back? she asked, as they both leaned against the wall outside her room. She didn't dare take him inside, she was sure they'd end up in bed in the first five minutes. And that wouldn't be fair to anyone, though it was very appealing. Or could he live up to what her life was really like? That was an interesting question. This is all very romantic. But what would happen when I have to go to Safeway and buy groceries, when Carmen calls me at four A.M. because the dog turned over a garbage can, or Mai O'Donovan gets arrested for being drunk and disorderly in Reno, and I have to get out of bed and go bail him out?

I'd go with you. That's what it's all about. I don't find any of that so shocking, or such an imposition. It sounds like fun to me. It would give me some great ideas for my new ventures in commercial fiction.

Be serious. It's like having half a dozen unruly teenaged children.

I think I could survive it. Do I look that delicate to you? I've always been pretty flexible. This would be good training for when we have kids, who do all those same things, or hopefully not, if you bring them up right.

What are you saying to me? She looked totally confused, and somewhat miserable. But these were nice miseries to have, and she knew that.

That I want to be with you, that I want to spend time with you, and see what happens. The same thing is happening to me that's happening to you. I'm falling in love with you, and I don't know why, but I don't want to lose it either, or give it all back to a guy who I think doesn't appreciate you, or deserve you. He gently pushed a lock of her silky hair away with his fingers, and looked into the eyes he had known only for two days, but which trusted him so much already. What I don't want to do is make you unhappy, or pull you apart. Don't do anything right now. It'll all work itself out. We'll see what happens when we go back to L.A., he said reasonably, and she nodded, and then she looked up at him with terror.

What if I decide we can't see each other there? she asked. It wasn't going to work if they hung around kissing each other all the time. Brandon certainly wasn't going to like that.

I hope you don't decide that, he said calmly.

I don't know what to do, she said, feeling like a child, and he smiled at her, took her key from her hands, and opened the door for her.

I've got some ideas, but I don't think any of them are appropriate given the situation. He kissed her on the lips again, gave her a small shove inside, and handed her the key, without ever leaving the hallway. What about tomorrow?

I'm meeting with Haverton and the promoters again, and I've got a couple of other meetings uptown. And then she remembered a dinner meeting she'd made with an attorney who couldn't see her any other time. It was going to be a long day, and she wasn't going to have much time to see him. I don't think I'll be through till nine, maybe later.

I'll call you then. He leaned toward her and kissed her again, and she felt peaceful as she closed the door to her room, and he went back downstairs to the lobby.

She thought about calling Brandon then, and this time she knew she couldn't. It would have been too dishonest calling him, pretending that she was sitting in her room, thinking of him. She knew she had to stop seeing Jeff, or at least kissing him, but the thought of giving it all up was far too painful. Maybe she could just treat it as a small, unimportant interlude, a few kisses, and then everything would be back to normal once they went back to California. She was still telling herself that an hour later when Jeff called. She jumped when she heard the phone, and she almost didn't answer it. She was sure it was Brandon. He hadn't called that day, and there had been no messages from home. And when she picked up the phone, she felt instantly guilty.

Hello? She felt like a criminal as she held the phone, and at the other end Jeff laughed.

Oh, God, don't ever try to play poker. You sound awful.

That's how I feel. Jeff, I feel so guilty.

I thought you would. Look, you haven't done anything. The damage can be repaired. You haven't broken his trust, and if you really feel better that way, we can take a breather. He offered it to her, but it cost him dearly to make the sacrifice. As often as she'd let him, he wanted to see her.

I think we should, take a breather, I mean, she said unhappily. I just can't do this.

You're an honest woman. It's a damn shame, he teased, but he didn't want to tear her apart. The thought of not seeing her again, though, almost killed him.

I can't see you tomorrow night, she said, suddenly firm, as he felt a vise squeeze his heart.

I understand. Call, if you change your mind. She had all his numbers. Will you be all right? He barely knew her, but he worried about her.

I'm fine. I just need to get my equilibrium again. The last two days have been completely crazy.

And very nice, he added, longing for her lips again, and afraid he'd never have them. He had called to say good night, and instead he'd given her the opportunity to run away, which was not what he had intended.

The last two days were wonderful, she said, thinking of the skating, the hansom cab, and kissing him in the snow. He had completely bowled her over. And now she had to concentrate on real life, and going back to Brandon. I'll call you, she said, choking on her own words, thinking of Jeff again, and not Brandon. Good night, Jeff.

Good night. He never told her why he'd called. He had called just to tell her that he loved her.

Chapter 7

Wednesday seemed endless to Allegra as she made her rounds. She had some appointments, uptown and down, a late lunch, and finally a last-minute dinner with a tax lawyer who did work for one of her clients. It was a long day, and as she walked down Madison Avenue from the restaurant, to get some air, she thought of Jeff for the thousandth time since that morning.