Danielle Steel - the Wedding (2000)

What else do you love, Allegra? he asked gently. Dogs? Kids? The usual?

All of that, I guess. My family. They mean everything to me. He was an only child and he envied the stories she told about Sam and Scott and her parents. He envied her in many ways. His own family life had dissipated after his father died, and his mother was not a warm person. But it was easy to see that Simon Steinberg was a warm, loving man. You'll have to come and meet them sometime, Allegra said kindly. And Alan, he's my oldest friend. Alan Carr. She wanted to introduce him to everyone, like a little kid with a new best friend.

Oh, no. Like everyone, he reacted immediately to the name. It was impossible not to. He's your oldest friend? I don't believe you, he teased.

He was my high school sweetheart, sophomore year. We've been best friends ever since. It was odd how easily Jeff seemed to fit into all of it he liked hearing about her work, her family, her friends. It was all so unlike her exchanges with Brandon, and yet she knew that comparing Brandon to a stranger wasn't fair. She knew nothing of Jeff's quirks, his foibles and failures. And yet she was so comfortable with him. It was very odd. And he loved her directness and total lack of pretension. She was the kind of woman he had always admired, and he hadn't met anyone like her in a long time. But as he looked at her, as the evening drew to a close, Jeff knew there was an important question he hadn't asked her. At first, he had told himself he didn't want to know, but he realized now that he should ask her.

Is there a man in your life, Allegra? A serious one, I mean. Other than Alan Carr. He smiled, trembling slightly in anticipation of her answer.

She hesitated for a long time, not completely sure what to say. He had a right to know. Or did he? They had spent a lot of hours talking to each other. They were obviously powerfully attracted, but there was no denying that Brandon was an important factor in her life, and she knew she ought to tell Jeff about him.

There is, she said sadly, looking into Jeff's eyes.

I was afraid of that. I'm not really surprised, only regretful. He didn't look as though he were about to run out the door into the night. Are you happy with him? That was an important question. If she was, he was out. He was willing to fight for what he wanted, but he wasn't stupid or crazy, or anxious to get hurt.

Sometimes I am, she said fairly.

And when you're not happy with him, why is that? he asked her very gently, anxious to know if there was still a chance for him. If not, it hadn't been time wasted. He would always be glad they had met. He had thoroughly enjoyed her.

He's had a difficult time, Allegra explained, always anxious to make excuses for him, and surprised at how often she had to. He's going through some rough times. He's getting divorced. Or actually, she went on, as Jeff watched her. And there was something about the way she looked and what she said that didn't match up for him. Actually, he's separated. He hasn't filed yet. She didn't know why she told Jeff that, but it was part of the story, and at the way she said it, he looked up at her with a question.

How long has it been? It was as though he knew this was the key to the story; she had thrown it to him, and he had picked it up and now he was examining it carefully.

It's been two years, she said quietly.

Does that bother you?

Sometimes. Though not as much as it seems to bother everyone else. They've been arguing over property for two years. Actually, what bothers me is that there are still some things in the relationship that need to be worked out.

Like what?

He still needs to keep his distance, she said honestly. He's afraid to make a commitment, which is probably why he hasn't filed for divorce. If you get too close to him, in small, subtle ways, he backs off. He says he was traumatized by being forced into marriage the first time, and I understand that, but somehow I don't understand why, after all this time, I should still pay for it. It's not my fault.

I lived with a woman like that once, Jeff said quietly, remembering a writer in Vermont who had made him desperately unhappy. I've never been so lonely in my life.

I know, Allegra said softly, not wanting to betray Brandon to Jeff. She loved him. She wanted to marry him. And it didn't seem fair to talk about him to someone else. And yet, she knew she had to. She needed to tell Jeff what her relationship with Brandon was all about. She felt as though she owed it to him, even though she had only met him that night.

Does he have kids?

Two. Two girls. He's very close to them, and they're adorable. Nine and eleven. He spends a lot of time with them in San Francisco.

And you go too?

When I can. I work a lot of weekends, depending on what's happening with my clients, who's having death threats, doing a film, making a new deal, going on tour. They kept her busy, but he was sure that Brandon's frequent absences contributed to her loneliness too.

You don't mind him going alone?

I can't help it if I can't go. He has a right to see his children. She sounded defensive, but he was more intrigued by what he was hearing. He suspected she wasn't happy with this man, but she wouldn't even admit it to herself yet.

You're not worried about his hanging on to his wife for that long? he asked her openly, and she frowned.

You sound just like my sister.

What does your family think?

They're not crazy about him, she answered with a sigh, and he was beginning to like what he was hearing. She may have been in love with him at one point, but it was by no means a done deal. Not with a girl like this one. She deserved so much more than this, and her family's approval counted for a lot with her. It was easy for anyone to see that. I don't think they understand, Allegra complained. After everything he went through, Brandon has a problem with commitment. That doesn't mean he doesn't care. It just means he can't give what everyone else expects him to.

What about you? What do you expect? he asked her gently.

What my parents have, she said, without thinking. That kind of warmth and love for each other and their kids.

Do you think he'll give you that? Jeff asked, taking her hand in his again, and she didn't take it away. He reminded her of a number of people she loved, her father, Scott, even Alan. But not Brandon. Brandon was cool, and removed, and afraid to be forced to give. Jeff seemed willing to give openly. He didn't seem to hold back. He wasn't afraid of her, or of what she might feel, or even of what he might feel if he got to know her. He seemed so willing to stand next to her, to be intimate, she could hear the words ring in her head as she thought of Dr. Green, and she smiled at Jeff for no reason. But he repeated his question. Do you think Brandon will give you what you want, Allegra? That was important for him to know.

I don't know, she said honestly. I think he'll try. Or would he? How hard had he really tried so far?

How long are you willing to give it? he asked, and she was startled by his question. Dr. Green had asked her that as well, and she'd never been able to answer.

But she wanted Jeff to know how she felt. She didn't want to mislead him. I love him, Jeff. It may not be perfect, but I accept him the way he is. I've waited for two years, and I can wait longer if I have to.

You may have to wait a long time, he said thoughtfully as they left the restaurant. It was easy to see that the relationship was troubled, but equally so to see that Allegra wasn't ready to let go yet. But Jeff was a patient man and he wondered if their paths had crossed for a reason. And as they waited for a cab in the snow, he put an arm around her and held her close.

What about you? she asked, as they waited in the cold, side by side, stamping their feet in the snow. Who is there in your life?