Mary Robb - Down the Rabbit Hole

“I’m sorry, Bud, but I have plans with my boyfriend this weekend. Let me know how the concert is, though, okay?”

He took the news as he always did—with cheerful resignation—and they hung up.

April drew her long blonde hair around her shoulder and twisted it with one hand. “Didn’t you break up with your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Macy frowned at the phone. “And it seems to have stuck.”

April dropped her hair. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I thought I’d hear from him.” She swiveled her chair and put her hand on the computer mouse, opening up her work email.

“Why?”

She glanced at the list of impersonal messages, not one of them from Jeremy. “Well, because I was kind of abrupt about it.”

“No kidding.” Deadpan.

Macy grimaced and closed the program. “I know, it’s stupid. I just thought he might call. God knows he’s never very far from a phone!”

“What, to chat about the breakup?”

“No. But you’d think he’d want to know what brought me to that point, since it obviously took him by surprise. Why wouldn’t he want to know that? Did he really not care?”

“So you dump the guy out of the blue and you’re upset because he hasn’t called you . Isn’t that considered having your cake and eating it too? Why don’t you call him, if you’ve got something you want to explain?”

Macy shook her head, rested her elbows on her desk and put her chin in her hands. She felt so tired. It was exhausting not thinking about Jeremy, and she’d been at it for a week now. “No, don’t you see? That would defeat the purpose. I was going for shock and awe, but he didn’t even notice.”

“I understand. You were going for the quick fix. Don’t you know you should never break up with a guy unless you really mean it? Otherwise, karma makes it so that the next time you see him he’s with some ridiculously hot chick.”

Macy’s throat closed at the thought. She picked up a pen and tapped it on the desk blotter. “I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. Jeremy’s perfect when he’s paying attention. Unfortunately that’s only about forty percent of the time. The other sixty you spend watching him look at his phone.”

“That might be enough for some women.”

At the mention of cell phones Macy picked hers up, slid her thumb across the screen to look for texts or messages, and found nothing yet again. Yep, Jeremy was just fine with the breakup.

“And yeah, I see what you mean,” April said drily.

Macy put her phone aside. “Sorry. I was just checking . . . See, if he’d called me it would mean he’d woken up to the problem, or would be open to hearing what the problem was. But if I call him it’ll just be me telling him one more time that his constant distraction bothers me. And that hasn’t worked.”

“Which means it was a good thing you broke up with him. If this is all the notice he’s taken of it he was probably done anyway, right?”

The blunt words struck her hard, and she picked up her phone again. She looked at it blindly a moment before something penetrated. “What the heck? I thought I deleted this.”

“What?” April leaned forward.

The pulsating yellow icon was back in the bottom right corner of her screen—iLove. She pressed the icon and held it with the intention of deleting it, then changed her mind.

“Wait a minute.” She cancelled the delete function. “Have you ever heard of a dating site called iLove?”

April shook her head. “It must be new, because I’ve heard of all the dating sites.” She got up and came around the desk, leaning over Macy’s shoulder. “Jeez, is that suggestive or what? Look at it, it’s throbbing , for god’s sake. Open it!”

Macy tapped the icon and the app sprang to life. Find a Guy, Contact a Guy, See the Guys Looking at You . . .

“‘See the Guys Looking at You,’” Macy read. “How stalkery is that ?”

“Go up, go up, go up.” April pointed, moving her finger like it was on the screen. “Go to Find a Guy. Let’s just see who they’ve got. How have I not seen this site?”

Macy tapped the red heart, which was also throbbing, and up came a screen that read What Are You Looking For?

“Ooh, this is fun.” April straightened, grabbed the chair placed against the wall and dragged it over. “Let’s join.”

“April!” Macy laughed. “No way. Besides, look at the time. I have to get some work done today, you know.”

“It’ll only take a minute. Besides, it’s Friday.”

“Your point being? You actually think I’m going to find a guy for tonight?” Macy scoffed.

April shot her a raised eyebrow. “My point being that you can work all weekend since you’re not seeing anybody anymore.”

She scrolled down the page, scanning the questions.

Your guy is:

Tall

Short

Either, as long as he’s taller than me

Size doesn’t matter

Your guy likes:

Books

Movies

Museums

Artsy-fartsy stuff nobody understands

An NCIS marathon on his big-ass TV

“I notice they don’t say ‘anything happening on the two-by-five screen in his palm,’” Macy quipped.

“Quiet. We’re getting to the essay portion.” April took the phone from her hand and held it so they both could see while she scrolled faster. “What are you going to tell them about you? ‘Hates technology. Wants undivided attention. Will dump you at the drop of a hat.’”

April laughed, but Macy folded her arms. “Hey. That’s not fair. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to not play second fiddle to an electronic device.”

April rolled her eyes. “Enough with the cell phone stuff. There had to be other stuff wrong with Jeremy or you wouldn’t have dumped him, right?”

Macy paused, considering for the hundredth time that she might have been hasty. Then she recalled the feeling of sitting there while he searched for someone or something more interesting than her to interact with.

“Right?” April insisted, suddenly looking appalled.

“Of course! The phone was indicative of so many things. It meant . . .” She didn’t want to put it into words.

“It meant . . . ?” April insisted.

“Well, that he couldn’t sustain a conversation. That he didn’t understand proper etiquette. That he was inconsiderate, rude, oblivious.”

“He didn’t understand proper etiquette ?” April’s brows were at her hairline. “You’re kidding, right?”

Macy paused, feeling the words back up in her throat. “All right, here it is. He couldn’t stop going for his phone because he wasn’t interested in me. Okay? You said it yourself before. The fact that he hasn’t called means he was done too.”

She took the phone back, moving her thumb up and down on the screen and once again fighting the urge to cry. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this upset over a breakup. They were usually a relief. Where was the relief ?

“Hey, careful, you’re going to lose our place.” April took the phone from her again, smiling gently when Macy looked at her. “We can do this like an interview, okay? I’ll ask questions and you answer them, and I’ll put them in. What the heck, it could be fun. And you never know. You lost a guy because of a phone—who’s to say you can’t find a guy because of one too?”

* * *

Jeremy retreated to his cubicle, pondering Mrs. Hartz’s response to his question. If you don’t pay attention, nothing happens. True enough, in general.

He sank down into his office chair, wondering if it was supposed to be a meaningful message, like something that should be helpful. He gazed at his screens. Was sitting in this box surrounded by his virtual life considered paying attention? The others all seemed to think so.