Miranda James - Classified as Murder

“I’ll thank you to remember that this is my place of business, and I’d sooner have that dog and cat in here than some people I could name.” Helen Louise had the light of battle in her eye, and it would have taken a troop of Amazons at this point to make her back down.

Mary Anna Milligan was apparently not tough enough. She muttered something as she whirled away and practically ran out of the bakery. Several other customers who had evidently overheard the whole exchange laughed, and one woman clapped and called out, “That’s telling her, honey.”

Sean had dropped back into his chair, and from his expression I could tell he was as taken aback by the whole scene as I was. I checked under the table, and Diesel and Dante didn’t seem to have paid much attention to the human fracas. Diesel was cleaning a paw, and Dante was gnawing on his leash.

Helen Louise, grinning broadly, sat down across from me.

“Who the heck was that?” Sean almost sputtered the words, because he was laughing now. “You really gave her what for.”

“You certainly did.” I laughed. “Remind me never to annoy you, my friend.”

Helen Louise grinned impishly. “You’d do well to remember this.” She sipped at her coffee.

Sean leaned closer to Helen Louise and spoke in an undertone. “So what’s the story with the edible panties?”

I confess I was rather curious myself.

Helen Louise arched an eyebrow as she regarded us. “Well, it’s like this. Mary Anna Milligan is about as self-righteous a pillar of the community as you can find, always telling the rest of the world how to run their lives and be as upstanding and fine as she and her husband are.” She paused, deliberately, I’m sure, knowing how interested we were in this titillating bit of gossip.

“One of my girlfriends has a brother who likes to visit what you might call businesses with a very unusual kind of stock in Memphis. Understand what I’m talking about?” Helen Louise smiled.

Sean and I exchanged glances and quickly looked away. I was sure we both knew what Helen Louise was talking about.

She continued, “Well, my friend’s brother was in one of those stores about four months ago, looking around, and lo and behold, who should come in but Mary Anna and her fine upstanding husband, Raymond. And guess what they were looking for?” She had another sip of coffee.

“And I suppose you were just waiting for the appropriate moment to mention that little bit of knowledge to Mrs. Milligan?” I tried to keep the amusement out of my voice. Helen Louise never could resist taking the mickey out of someone like Mrs. Milligan.

“Of course.” Helen Louise’s expression was smug. “I knew sooner or later she’d annoy me enough that I’d come out with it. She’ll never show her face in here again, and that’s fine with me.” She nodded in the direction of Sean’s half-empty plate.

“What do you think?” she asked as both Sean and I resumed eating.

“ Magnifique .” Sean enunciated carefully between mouthfuls of quiche.

Helen Louise beamed at him. She already knew I loved her food. She waited until I finished about half my quiche before continuing.

“It’s quiet enough for the moment, and Debbie can handle things. So talk, Charlie. What have you been up to lately? I was afraid I wasn’t going to see you today, and that would about have ruined my Saturday.”

I felt a little self-conscious with Helen Louise carrying on like this in front of Sean. She and I had known each other since high school, and she had always been a flirt. The thing was, lately I was starting to believe she meant it where I was concerned. She was a very attractive woman, and I was sometimes tempted to find out if she really was interested in me. I simply wasn’t sure I was ready to date again.

“Sean here popped up for a visit,” I said, “and I’m delighted to see him, of course. Other than that, it’s pretty much been work as usual.”

“Charlie’s talked a lot about you,” Helen Louise said to Sean. “I know how proud he is of you.”

Sean looked uncomfortable and didn’t respond.

I spoke to cover the strained pause. “I had a meeting with James Delacorte this morning. Which was a surprise, since I only know him through his visits to the library. Do you know him?”

Helen Louise shrugged. “Not much better than you, probably. He comes in here once a week, regular as clockwork, and orders the same thing. A dozen of my cinnamon rolls, two dozen croissants, and my special gâteau au chocolat .”

“Sounds like a man with a definite sweet tooth,” I commented. “But I can’t say I blame him. Your pastries and cakes are out of this world.”

Helen Louise beamed at the praise. She reached over and clasped my arm briefly. Turning to Sean, she said, “See why I adore this man? He’s such a charmer.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Sean said. Then, in an obvious effort to redirect the conversation, he continued, “Dad’s going to be working for Mr. Delacorte.”

“Really? Do tell.” Helen Louise was agog with curiosity.

I explained briefly the job Mr. Delacorte wanted me to do, leaving out the bit about potentially stolen items. “I’m going over this afternoon at four to have tea with him and his family. Do you know any of them?”

“Unfortunately.” Helen Louise grimaced. “Pure poison, the lot of them.” She shrugged. “But if you want to know more about the Delacorte clan, why don’t you ask Azalea?”

FIVE

“Azalea?” I stared blankly at Helen Louise, startled by the sudden mention of my housekeeper. “How does Azalea know anything about them?”

“How do you think?” Helen Louise shook her head at my slowness. “She worked for them years ago, before she started working for your aunt.” She laughed. “But she didn’t stay there long. Only about three months, I seem to remember.”

“I had no idea. But there’s a lot I don’t know about Azalea, of course.” I had a sip of water. Diesel rubbed against my leg, and I reached down to stroke his head.

“If you ask her the right way, I’m sure she’ll tell you about them.” Helen Louise drained her cup and set it down. “And they’re not too fond of the head of the family, that’s for sure.”

“How do you know them?” Sean played with his bottle cap, spinning it on its side on the table. “Fill us in on what you can until Dad has a chance to talk to Azalea. You have to know something juicy, surely.”

Helen Louise leaned back as she grinned at Sean’s wheedling tone. “They go to my church. I don’t think his sister, Daphne Morris, ever misses a service.” She snorted. “She’s such a good Christian—except when it comes to actually doing something, like helping in the soup kitchen or working on one of the committees. She’s terribly delicate , you see.”

The withering scorn in her voice left little doubt about her feelings. I could understand them. Helen Louise, despite the demands of running her own business, spent a lot of her so-called free time doing charitable work.

“Who else is there besides his sister?” I put my hand over Sean’s to stop his twiddling with the bottle cap. He’d always been a fidgety child, and he was now a fidgety adult. He rolled his eyes at me, but he let go of the bottle cap.

Helen Louise observed this interaction with another grin. “Let’s see.” She held up a hand and began ticking off names on her fingers. “There’s Daphne’s son, Hubert, who has a vastly overinflated sense of his own worth. Eloise, Hubert’s wife, is one of those rich daddy’s girls from the delta. You know, like Carolyn Haines writes about in her ‘Bones’ books.” Helen Louise and I shared a fondness for mysteries, and Haines was a great favorite.