David ed. - Face Off (2014) Anthology

He’d done a little research before agreeing to come south. Jules Chastain had acquired his wealth the old-fashioned way: he’d inherited it.

And the guy knew people. Famous people. Newspaper clippings and original photos of Chastain with George W., with Obama, with Streisand, with Little Richard—now that was cool—lined the walls between artifacts from all over the world. Jack had lots of artifacts around his apartment, too, but mostly from the 1930s and ’40s. These were from, like, pre-pyramid days.

I could be impressed, he thought.

He’d probably be definitely impressed if this guy was talking sense.

He stopped his wandering to face Chastain where he sat in some kind of throne-of-swords chair—only this wasn’t a movie prop. With his thin moustache, thick glasses, and ridiculous silk smoking jacket, he looked like Percy Dovetonsils on crack instead of martinis.

“Let me get this straight: you flew me all the way down here from New York to steal something you own from your family crypt.”

“Yes,” Chastain said in a quavery voice. “Exactly.”

“Okay. Now, since you’re not crippled in any way I can see, go over again why you can’t do this yourself.”

“As I explained, the artifact I seek was obtained from another collector who wants it back.”

“Because you stole it.”

“Mister, I never got your last name.”

Jack had had dozens over the years.

“Just Jack’ll do.”

“Very well, Jack, I assure you I can pay for anything I desire. Anything .”

“Not if the other guy doesn’t want to sell.”

He glanced away. “Well, occasionally one runs into bull-headed stubbornness—”

“Which obliges one to steal.”

He waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, very well. Yes. I appropriated it without the owner’s knowledge.”

“And the owner wants it back.”

“Yes, she discovered the appropriation.”

He seemed incapable of saying “theft.”

“Oh, a she. You never mentioned that.”

“Madame de Medici. You’ve heard of her?”

“I hadn’t heard of you until you called me, so why should I have heard of her ?”

“Just wondering. You’re familiar with the expression ‘Hell hath no fury’?”

“It’s ‘Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d,/Nor Hell a Fury like a Woman scorn’d.’ ”

Chastain’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, a poetry fan.”

“Not necessarily. Just like to get things right. I had the misfortune of being an English major once.”

“Really? What school?”

“The name doesn’t matter once you’ve dropped out. You were saying?”

“Well, if the true quote is ‘Nor Hell a Fury like a Woman scorn’d,’ then in this case we’ve got ‘Nor Hell a Fury like a de Medici missing a piece from her collection.’ When I told her I didn’t have her absent artifact, she went out and hired a hit man to kill me on sight.”

Jack had to laugh. “What is she? A mob wife?”

“Despite the name, she appears to be a Middle Easterner. The point is, she wants me dead.”

Over the years, during the course of business, Jack had ended more than a few lives, but never on contract.

“Well, I hope you don’t think I’m going to hit her, because that’s not in my job description.”

“No no! As I said, I just need someone to retrieve the artifact from the family mausoleum.”

“And you need a guy from New York for this? Why not somebody local?”

“I was told you are—what did he call you?—an urban mercenary. Yes, an urban mercenary with a reputation for getting the job done and being a man of his word.”

“Where’d you hear all this?”

“I’m not sure the individual would like me talking about him. Let’s just say you’ve had the benefit of an enthusiastic referral and leave it at that.”

Jack wondered who it might be. He didn’t know anyone in New Orleans. He shrugged it off. With the Internet, the source could be anywhere.

“Still, there must be a local guy who can—”

“You also have a reputation for not being afraid of violence. That is, if attacked, you will counterattack rather than run.”

“Oh, don’t go there. I’ve done my share of running. What else have you heard about me?”

Chastain frowned. “Very little. I made numerous queries. You don’t seem to have an official existence. Some sources even said you don’t exist at all. That Repairman Jack is just some urban legend.” The frown morphed into a smile. “Interesting nickname, that.”

Jack had never liked it himself but things had progressed far past the point where he could do anything about it.

“Not my idea. Someone laid it on me and it stuck.”

As for the urban legend angle, that was fine with Jack. His favorite method was to play someone and leave them with no clue they’d been played. Those people never talked about Repairman Jack, just a terrible run of bad luck. But fixes didn’t always go as planned, of course, and sometimes things got dicey. Sometimes people got violent. Sometimes people died. Those people never talked about Repairman Jack, either.

Chastain rose and stepped to a window that had to be a dozen feet high.

“Well, whatever,” he said, as he stared out at the night. “The thing is, with a hit man after me, I need someone who can overcome any resistance, retrieve the artifact in question, and bring it back. Too many locals would forget about that last part.”

“With a hit man after you, you shouldn’t be standing at a window.”

Chastain stiffened, then ducked to the side.

“I am so stupid at times,” he said, drawing the curtains across the panes. “I’m not geared for this kind of situation. That’s why I need you.”

Jack still wasn’t buying.

“But the simple solution is to call this Medici lady and say it’s in the mausoleum and tell her to go get it herself.”

Chastain’s hands flew into the air. “I would if I could! I’ve tried but she’s gone off the radar! Incommunicado! And I fear the longer I wait, the shorter I’ll live. If I can just get the artifact back in my hands, I can eventually negotiate a settlement. But I’m afraid to set foot outside the door.”

Something not right here.

Customers had tried to run games on him before. Was this another?

“How do I know you’re not setting me up to steal this from her?”

Jules laughed. “It is in the Chastain mausoleum! It’s got my family name on it! I’ll show you a back way in—”

“Why do I need a back way in if it’s yours?”

“Take the front way if you wish. It’s just that I fear Madame de Medici’s hit man might suspect I’ll show up there and be lying in wait.”

Jack pulled his Glock from the small of his back—traveling armed was a sweet perk of a private jet—and aimed it at Chastain’s face. “No need to lie in wait when you had him driven in from the airport.”

Chastain’s eyes were fixed on the pistol as he backed away. “What? No!”

“Madame de Medici offered me twice your fee.” Jack shrugged. “You got played.”

“This is impossible!”

“Quite possible.” Jack returned the pistol to its nylon holster. “But not true this time.”

Chastain sagged against the desk. “Why would you do such a thing?”

“Had my reasons.”

He’d wanted to see Chastain’s reaction, and it hadn’t been what he’d expected.

“That was cruel!” he said, dropping back into his desk chair.

“Naw. Just serving up a dose of reality. So, just what is this artifact?” Jack pointed to a huge Olmec stone head in a corner. “Not something like that, is it?”

Hysteria tinged Chastain’s twittering laugh. “Oh, goodness no! It’s a ring—an ancient ring. I’ve drawn a diagram of the interior of the mausoleum so you can find the hiding place.”