MARY CLARK - Every Breath You Take

Laurie considered the offer and realized it was the easiest way to get a face-to-face meeting with Marco Nelson. “Great. Let’s do it.”

“I’ll set it up in the morning and text you the details.”

39

Leo watched from the stands at Madison Square Garden as the Knicks left the court and the cheerleaders rushed on to the floor. He placed a protective hand on his grandson’s shoulder as Timmy waved enthusiastically to the players jogging to the locker room for the pep talk coming after a bruising second quarter.

Even though the team was having a rough season, tickets were getting tougher to come by with tourism raging in New York City. Attending tonight’s game was an unexpected surprise. The deputy police commissioner had called Leo two days earlier to say that he needed to fly to Washington, D.C., for a multi-jurisdictional meeting with the Department of Justice, and he offered his two tickets to Leo. Leo never thought that his nine-year-old grandson’s calendar would be busier than his, but once he confirmed that Timmy was available, the two of them happily accepted the invitation.

The seats were decent, but not nearly as good as Alex Buckley’s tickets near the court. Timmy had wanted to snag Alex’s attention as soon as they arrived, but Leo had made him promise to wait until the second quarter ended. Now that the buzzer had sounded, Timmy was on his tiptoes waving toward Alex. They were at least forty rows behind him. When Timmy stopped waving, Leo feared that his grandson was going to be upset that Alex hadn’t seen him. Instead, he asked Leo for his cell phone. Leo couldn’t believe how quickly Timmy’s fingers flew across the screen. The next thing he knew, Alex was turning his head, scanning their section. His eyes brightened when he spotted them.

Leo watched as Alex excused himself from his guests, an older couple and a woman who was probably around Laurie’s age. Alex took the steps two at a time, a smile spread across his face.

Timmy nearly ran into Alex’s arms to give him a big hug.

“Are you using all of your seats tonight?” Timmy asked with a grin.

“I’m afraid so, Timmy. My other friends might be a bit miffed if I ask them to change seats.”

He turned to see Leo’s gaze lingering on his guests. “I brought along a fellow criminal defense lawyer and his wife, and their daughter who’s visiting from California while her husband’s here on business.”

Leo was certain that Alex wanted to make clear that he was not on a date.

“We miss seeing you, Alex.” Timmy peered up at Alex with wide brown eyes. “How come you haven’t been over lately?”

Leo placed an arm around Timmy. “You may have been on a school break, but the grown-ups get busy this time of year. Not to mention, Alex was nominated by the President of the United States to be a federal judge. It’s one of the biggest honors a lawyer can have. His calendar is crowded.”

“That’s awesome!”

“Thanks,” Alex said with a chuckle. “I think that’s a good word to describe it.”

“The only bummer is that I guess now you won’t be going back to Mom’s show. She hates Ryan Nichols.”

“We don’t use the word ‘hate,’ Timmy,” Leo scolded.

“Sorry. When you’re a judge, can I come see the courtroom and bang the hammer like on TV?”

“Sure thing, buddy.”

“And maybe you can come to my trumpet recital next week! I’m doing the solo from ‘C Jam Blues’ by Duke Ellington.”

Alex looked to Leo for guidance. Leo could tell that he desperately wanted to accept the invitation, but knew how Laurie would feel if he orchestrated a meeting between them.

“Let’s talk about that later, Timmy. Jerry, Grace, and Charlotte all said they wanted to come, and I’m not sure how many people we’re allowed to bring.”

• • •

As Alex made his way back to his guests, his eyes nearly welled at how quickly Timmy was growing up. He’d give up his basketball tickets for the rest of the season for a chance to watch this boy take on a song like “C Jam Blues.” He wished he could spend the rest of the game with Leo and Timmy. What he really wished was that Laurie were here with them, just so he could see her again. When he pictured himself with the three of them, he pictured a family. But Laurie was probably fine without him. She had a family already, with Timmy and Leo. She had a successful career, and she had friends who were excited to see her son play the trumpet. Her life was complete without him. He had made a terrible mistake. He had pushed her too hard, and now he had lost her.

40

Laurie was curled up on the sofa with a blanket on her lap, reading the latest Karin Slaughter novel. She jumped at the sound of keys in the door, then turned to see Leo and Timmy walk in. Timmy was wearing what appeared to be a new Knicks hat.

She forced herself to mark her page, consoling herself that she could savor the ending before she fell asleep.

“I’m going to need to find a bigger apartment if you bring home something new every time your grandpa takes you to a game.”

“Don’t blame me,” Leo said. “He bought it with his Christmas money.”

Timmy went straight to the refrigerator in the kitchen and returned with a piece of string cheese and an apple. She had no doubt that he had eaten pounds of food at the stadium, but her son was a fast-growing boy, constantly hungry. He plopped down on the sofa next to her.

“Mom, we won! A three pointer in the final seconds. And we saw Alex!”

“You did?” She tried to sound carefree.

“Yeah. We couldn’t sit with him because he had other people with him. But, we at least got to talk to him at half-time.”

“Who was with him?” She was embarrassed at how quickly she had asked.

“A lawyer, his wife, and daughter.” Timmy had a knack for remembering every detail of a conversation.

“The daughter was visiting from California,” Leo added. “Her husband has business here.”

She nodded. Message received.

“Can we invite Alex to my recital next week?” Timmy asked eagerly.

“I told him we already had five people coming,” her father quickly said. He was offering her an out. “I wasn’t sure we could bring a sixth.”

Laurie knew how much Alex would enjoy seeing the progress Timmy had made with his trumpet in the past two months. It would be such a convenient reason to call him. The night would be about Timmy, not the two of them. But she didn’t want to go back to that familiar cycle where they saw each other regularly, without ever defining what exactly they meant to each other. She could still remember Alex’s response when she told him she wanted things to go back to the way they were before they got into that awful argument about her last case: “And how exactly was that? Where were we, Laurie? And what are we now that I’m no longer your host? I’m your dad’s sports buddy, your son’s pal. But what am I to you ?”

No, if she called him, it could not be to invite him to be part of Timmy’s recital audience. If she reached out to him, she needed to mean it. She needed to be ready to open her heart to him. It wasn’t a decision she was going to make tonight.

“You can bring an entourage to your performances once you’re a famous musician,” Laurie said. “For now, I think we have a big enough crowd.”

• • •

She finished her novel that night in bed. When she was done she placed the book on her nightstand and then reached into the drawer almost out of habit, slipping on her wedding ring before pulling the covers up to her neck.

She closed her eyes to try to sleep, but when she did, she pictured Alex in his living room that last night they spoke. Admit it, Laurie: you’ll never admire me, not like Greg. So you can keep telling yourself you’re trying to move on. But you won’t. Not until you find the right person, and then it will just happen. It will be effortless. But this? This has been nothing but effort .