Кадзуо Исигуро - Klara and the Sun

Through the window I could now see the Sun’s last patterns of the day falling across the black-suit women with bow ties, the theater’s waistcoat officials handing out leaflets, the bright costume couples, and the musicians with small guitars moving amidst the crowd, snatches of their music coming through the glass.

‘Hey, animal. Did your mother happen to say something to upset you? This isn’t like you, sitting there so quiet.’

‘I’m fine, Dad. I’m just not like a show, okay? I can’t sparkle and entertain all day. Sometimes I just want to sit and chill out.’

‘You know we do miss you, Paul,’ Miss Helen said. ‘Is it four years already? Oh look, even more people arriving. I wonder when they’ll let them go inside. It’s just as well there’s no traffic allowed through here. Where’s Chrissie now? Is she still out there?’

‘I see her, Mum. She’s still on her phone.’

‘I’m so glad she’s with us today. So reassuring. She’s such a good friend to me. And I do appreciate all of you too, being here like this, extending your support to Rick and to me.’ She looked around the table, appearing to make a special point of including me in her gaze. ‘I won’t pretend I’m not getting nervous. The hour being almost upon us. And not just on Rick’s account, if I’m honest. Did I ever tell you, Paul? The man we’re about to meet, he and I were once passionate . Not just for a weekend or a few months, but for years…’

‘Mum, please…’

‘Should you get a chance to talk with him, Paul, I think you’ll find you have certain things in common. For instance, he too has fascistic leanings. He always has done though I always tried not to notice…’

‘Mum, for God’s sake…’

‘Now, Helen, easy there,’ the Father said. ‘Are you implying that I…’

‘It’s only because of what you were saying a moment ago, Paul. About your community.’

‘No, Helen, I can’t have this. And in front of the kids too. What I was saying earlier has nothing to do with fascism. We have no aggressive agenda beyond defending ourselves should the need arise. Where you live, Helen, maybe you don’t have to worry yet, and I sincerely hope it’ll be that way for a long time. Where I am, it’s different.’

‘Then why, Dad, don’t you move out of there? Why keep living in a place with gangs and guns?’

The Father seemed pleased Josie had finally participated. ‘Because that’s my community, Josie. It’s not nearly as bad as this makes it sound. I like it there. I’m sharing my life with some very fine people, and most of them came down the same road I did. It’s become clear to all of us now, there are many different ways to lead a decent and full life.’

‘Are you saying, Dad, you’re glad you lost your job?’

‘In many ways, Josie, yes. And it’s not like I really lost my job. It’s all been part of the changes. Everyone’s had to find new ways to live their lives.’

‘I do apologize, Paul,’ Miss Helen said, ‘for suggesting you and your new friends were fascists. I shouldn’t have done so. It’s just that you did say you were all white people and all from the ranks of the former professional elites. You did say that. And that you were having to arm yourselves quite extensively against other types . Which does all sound a little on the fascistic side…’

‘Helen, I won’t have this. Josie knows it’s not that way, but I don’t like her even hearing you say it. I don’t like Rick hearing it either. It just isn’t true. There are different groups where we live, I’m not denying it. I didn’t make the rules and it’s just the way it naturally divided. And if another group won’t respect us, and what we have, they need to know they’ll have a fight on their hands.’

‘Mum’s way out of order,’ Rick said. ‘She’s getting anxious, that’s all. You’ll have to excuse her.’

‘Don’t worry, Rick. I’ve known your mother a long time and I’m very fond of her.’

‘His name is Vance,’ Miss Helen said. ‘The man we’re waiting to meet. Rick and I are so grateful you’re all here to lend moral support, but from here we’re on our own. Let me tell you, Paul, there was a time when Vance was quite besotted with me. Rick, darling, please don’t pull that face. Rick’s never met him, this was all before his time. Oh, there was that one occasion, I suppose, but that hardly counts. When you see him, Paul, I dare say you’ll wonder what on earth I saw in him. But I assure you, he was once even more handsome than you are. Oddly, the more success he had in life, the less handsome he became. Now he’s rich and influential and looks appalling. Still, I’ll try and see the handsome young man he once was within all those folds of flesh. I do wonder if he’ll do as much for me.’

‘What’s happening out there, animal? Can you see your mother?’

‘She’s still on her phone.’

‘I guess she’s mad at me. She probably won’t come back in so long as I’m sitting here.’

Perhaps the Father was hoping someone would contradict him, but no one did. Miss Helen even raised her eyebrows and made a short laughing sound. Then she said:

‘Nearly time, Rick darling. I suppose we ought to go out there now.’

When I heard her say this, a fear filled my mind; I was no longer certain that the effects from what had occurred in the yard weren’t growing more pronounced with the passing minutes, and that my new condition wouldn’t become obvious to everyone if I attempted to negotiate the unfamiliar terrain outdoors.

‘I do wonder,’ Miss Helen was saying, ‘when Vance suggested meeting outside a theater, if he realized there might be a show about to start and a crowd gathering. We should go out there. He might come early and the crowd will confuse him.’

Rick placed a hand on Josie’s shoulder and asked quietly: ‘Are you sure you’re okay, Josie?’

‘I swear I’m okay. So you go and do your best, Ricky boy. That’s what I’m wanting more than anything.’

‘That’s right,’ the Father said. ‘And just remember. You’ve got talent. Well, maybe we should all leave now.’

He rose to his feet, and as he did so, his gaze fell on me, examining me more carefully than would have been normal. I immediately became worried the others would notice, even though the incision was well hidden under my hair. Then the Father’s gaze moved once more to Josie.

‘Animal, we need to get you back. Let’s go and find your mother.’

—

As we came out of the sushi cafe, the Sun was making his final patterns for the day, and I let go of any small hope that he might send his special help in the short time remaining. I could now hear without hindrance the theater people’s voices and music, and noticed how the streetlight outside the theater entrance was becoming their main light source. Indeed, for a moment, I thought the theater people were trying to circle around the streetlight in a previously agreed formation, but then their pattern dissolved and I saw that the crowd’s shape was shifting randomly.

The Father and Miss Helen were a few paces in front of me, striding towards the crowd, while Rick and Josie were just behind, walking so close that had I been obliged to halt suddenly, they would have collided with me. I could hear Josie saying:

‘No, Rick, later. I’ll tell you about it then. Let’s just say for now Mom’s having one of her definitely weird days.’

‘But what did she say? What’s going on?’

‘Look, Ricky, it’s not what’s important right now. What’s important is this guy you’re about to meet and what you’re going to say to him.’

‘But I can see you’re upset…’

‘I’m not upset, Ricky. But I will get upset, absolutely upset, if you don’t focus and do your very best with this guy. This is important. Important for you and important for us .’