Douglas, Nelson - Midnight Louie 05-Cat in a Diamond Dazzle

"Did Electra do that on purpose?" Matt asked. "Distract him, I mean?"

"I sure hope so. You guys were getting difficult. I wish you hadn't told Max about my . .. attack."

"I only told the truth."

"And you only wanted to make him feel guilty."

"That's what I've been trained to do," Matt said wryly. "Not really. I've been trained to make myself feel guilty, so it's nice to have a chance to foist the emotion off on someone else, someone who deserves it."

"Maybe."

Matt held the door open for Temple. She scraped through on the obnoxiously loud sandals.

Inside, the dim back hall's familiar tranquility was as soothing as a massage. Temple sighed.

"When did he show up?" Matt asked.

"Just now. On my patio." She laughed at Matt's politely appalled expression. "He's a magician. He thrives on sudden entrances."

"And exits."

"Ouch." She sighed again. "I guess we have a lot to talk about."

"I guess you do."

They were silent in the elevator, Matt noticing without comment when Temple pressed the button for the fourth floor only. His floor, not hers.

The deserted late-afternoon halls glowed with the ever present electric sconces necessary to a circular building, where daylight only enters the perimeter living quarters.

"How do you feel about this sudden resurrection?" Matt asked as they followed the curved passage to the cul-de-sac ending at his front door.

Temple had to consider. "Happy that Max's alive. Furious that he seems to think he can pop in and out of my life without fuss or folderol. Confused. Worried. Molina wants to interrogate him about a murder case."

"Really." Matt leaned against the wall beside his door, his face shadowed by the building's equivalent of an overhead porch light.

"I didn't tell you." But I have to now, she thought. "Molina dug up some . . . disturbing omissions in Max's past; disturbing because I didn't know anything about them."

"Does that change how you feel about him?"

"No...only whether I was smart to rely on feeling." She leaned against the opposite wall, hands behind her back. "It does cast a pall on the past."

"Yes. Why? Molina would say I should suspect him of being a thief or an international terrorist.

One thing's for sure: something made him leave, and I hope it wasn't me."

"He wouldn't be back if it was. But isn't that the real question?"

"What?"

"Why is he back? Why now?"

"Yeah, why now? And why didn't I think to ask?"

"Maybe you were a little off-balance."

"Maybe I was balancing on one foot, on one spike heel on a beach ball. Lord, when he walked through that French door in that unbelievable getup--"

"He doesn't usually dress like that?"

"No! Max is a conservative dresser, really. Slacks and sweaters in low-key colors that won't distract from his personal act. I've often suggested he could be a little more . . . imaginative."

"It worked."

Temple began to smile, then sobered quickly. "No, I only wish he had gone off the deep end simply as a fashion statement. But he said it himself this afternoon: loud is the best disguise."

"Sounds like he's back on the scene prematurely. Can you figure out why?"

"No. He said it was dangerous for him to hang around."

"For him, or you?"

"For both of us, I guess. That makes Molina's suspicions pretty feasible, doesn't it?"

Matt nodded soberly. He hadn't even cracked a smile when she'd laughed at Max's new look. In the artificial light his expression was almost morose.

"Matt, you've been asking me how I feel, but what about you?"

"What do you mean?" He leaned away from the wall, as if putting up his guard.

"Only that you must have assumed what I finally did: that Max was history. Now he's demonstrably a current event. Doesn't that make you wonder about... us?"

"Us." He repeated the word flatly. "It didn't seem necessary to think about an 'us' until he showed up again. Temple, I've got to respect your previous commitment. You and Max may not have been married, but you were a couple, presumably sincere about your mutual involvement.

Since Max is back now, I wish you both the best of luck. I think you ought to work at patching things up. Whatever the reason for his absence, he obviously hasn't forgotten you."

"Very . . . true. Very wise advice, Contact Man. So that's it? Some bland platitudes and patient good counsel? That's how you feel about it? That's all?"

"Hey, don't get upset--"

"Why shouldn't I get upset? Every man I know seems to take his coming and going in my life as no big deal. Is there some sort of maturity bug going around? You sure didn't act like Mr. Cool downstairs."

"I'm just trying to do the best thing--"

"The best thing is to be honest, and that includes with yourself as well as me. I sure don't know where I stand with Max, and I would go really bananas if I can't know where I stand with you."

He suddenly leaned back against the wall, letting even his head seek its unwavering support.

"Guilty. Again. No, I'm not thrilled that he's back. I don't think he deserves you. If he hadn't run off, you wouldn't have had to play a punching bag for some apes who are still at large. He didn't see you after that; I did."

"Matt, maybe you're not just mad at Max."

"Who else?" he asked, frowning.

"How about your father--your real father who left your mother and left her open to your abusive stepfather?"

"I don't care about him!" He seemed surprised by his own admission.

"Maybe you do," she said. "And maybe you care about me."

"You." He pushed himself away from the wall. The light was behind him and she could hardly see his face, but she could feel the anger he had barely controlled with Max. "Of course I care about you, Temple," he said in a lower voice. "You're my guardian angel in this strange, new, secular world I've entered. When I saw him, knew who he was, what claims he had on you ... I saw all those ugly emotions I've always loathed rushing forward like an invisible army. It's what I've always been afraid of--fury and rage, fear, anxiety and abandonment. I felt like I'd been left bleeding and naked in the middle of the Las Vegas Strip."

"Matt--" She moved to him, and he caught her arms like a man in desperate need of human contact, but still determined to hold her at arm's length.

"Temple, I realized then how much you've pulled me into the real world I've got to enter if I'm to leave the past behind. I realized then, when it was too late, how I really feel about you."

"Yes?"

They were facing each other, the light washing their faces on one side only, so bright it was blinding, and casting the other side in shadow.

It was one of those rare moments of intense personal truth. Both their voices had sunk to a whisper.

"Temple--" Matt sounded truly bereft, "I think I... I think I need you."

Well. Not quite the revelation she had expected, but heartfelt nonetheless. What had she done?

Led him just far enough ahead so that he would fall without her support? She had been more successful at reaching him than she thought, she realized, and such breakthroughs always have a price. What she owed Max, and what she owed Matt, couldn't, would never, fall neatly into separate compartments. And she would probably never be content with a compromise.

While these conflicting thoughts jostled in her mind, Matt abruptly drew her close and kissed her square and hard on the mouth. He had come a long, long way, thanks to her, and now the guilt was on her head.

How did she feel right now? That she had everything she had ever wanted, and it was all wrong.

Max back, and she not sure she wanted him that way. Matt committing commitment, and she regretting that she had brought him to a brink she might no longer be willing or able to cross.