Ann Martin - Baby-Sitters Club 037

My heart was pounding as I waited on a bench near the front steps of the school. I was wearing sunglasses, and I kept my head ducked down. I wanted to make sure that I spotted Travis before he recognized me! Soon the bell rang, and kids came pouring out of the double doors. I saw Travis and caught my breath. He was alone! My mind raced with possibilities. Maybe he had broken up with the girl. Maybe he realized I was the girl he had wanted all along. Maybe the two of us could spend a wonderful afternoon together. Maybe, maybe, maybe . . .

There I was, lost in fantasyland when Sara (Kristy had found out her name for me) appeared on the scene. She darted up to Travis, and he grabbed her in a big bear hug. They hurried down the steps, just inches away from me. (I didn't need the sunglasses after all, because they never even looked at me. They were too wrapped up in each other.) My heart sank, but I was more determined than ever.

It was time to catch Travis in a trap.

I decided the best place to "bump into" them would be downtown. That way I could pretend that I was out shopping. (I certainly didn't want Travis to know that I had waited for him outside his school.) Travis and Sara walked briskly along, and I kept a half block behind them. I didn't feel nervous at all because I was absolutely sure I was doing the right thing. The only question now was, where should I run into them?

I got my chance outside the Merry-Go-Round. It was a bright, sunny day, and the Merry-Go-Round was holding a sidewalk sale. Customers were jamming the area in front of the store, looking for bargains, and Travis and Sara had stopped in front of a display rack.

Travis was pointing to a pair of gold hoop earrings, when I positioned myself on the opposite side of the rack. If I waited a few more seconds, he'd be bound to see me. The moment he gave the rack a little spin, we'd be staring right into each other's eyes! "I really like the silver hoops better," Sara was saying. I remember thinking what a wispy little-girl voice she had, and then it happened. The rack shifted and Travis and I were face-to-face. The moment of truth at last! I gave him a casual smile, and to my amazement, he grinned back at me. "Hi, Dawn," he said in a friendly way. He didn't sound the least bit embarrassed! I was baffled, but I tried to be cool.

"Hi, Travis. I guess this is one of your favorite spots." I figured he deserved a little dig. After all, he had taken me to the Merry-Go-Round not too long ago, and now he was back in the same spot (with another girl).

He laughed, totally missing the point. "It sure looks that way, doesn't it?" Sara, who had been paying no attention to the conversation, suddenly held up a pair of heavy gold hoop earrings.

"What do you think, Travis?" she asked, ignoring me. "Are these too big?" I couldn't resist. "Yes, definitely too big. They look like they should be holding up a shower curtain." Sara frowned and gave Travis a "who-is-this-person?" look, and he introduced us.

"Dawn is from California, too," he added.

"Really?" Sara gave me a cool smile. "Oh, now I remember," she said, as if a light bulb had switched on inside her head. "Dawn Schafer . . . the little girl you told me about." Little girl? I was steaming. What nerve. I needed a really stinging comeback, but my mind was a blank. And the next words out of Sara's mouth were even worse. "I'm sure you've turned her into a real beauty, Travis," she murmured.

That did it! "I was already a beauty," I said hotly. I suppose it was a very conceited thing to say, but I didn't care.

Sara and Travis exchanged an amused look. I have never been so embarrassed in my life, and I knew I was making a fool out of myself. The only thing to do was get out of there - fast.

"I have to get home," I muttered.

"Nice to have met you," Sara said. She looked like she was going to burst out laughing the minute my back was turned.

"See you around." Travis grinned at me as if nothing had changed. How could he be so casual when my whole world had turned upside down?

I practically ran all the way home. I felt hurt, angry, upset, and very foolish. I didn't say two words during dinner and bounded upstairs to my room the minute the dishes were done.

"You're pretty quiet," Mary Anne said. She had come into my room so softly, I hadn't heard her. I was sprawled on my bed, math book in hand, but my mind was on Travis and Sara.

"I'm thinking," I told her. I looked at her and then looked away.

She sat down at my desk, watching me. "Did you ever see My Fair Lady?" she asked. "You know, the movie based on the play Pygmalion?" What was she getting at? I sat up in bed, scrunching a pillow behind my head. "I saw it a long time ago. We rented it once." Mary Anne looked pleased. "Then I guess you remember the story. You know how proper Professor Higgins turns Eliza Doolittle, the Cockney girl, into his 'fair lady'?" "Sure. He changed everything about her, the way she walked and talked and even the way she dressed. He wanted to make her into a real lady." Mary Anne stared at me. "Well," she said slowly, "1 never liked that." I nodded. "Me, neither. Eliza should have been allowed to be herself." "Exactly." We were both very quiet, and then it hit me. "I get it," I said. "You're talking about Travis and me." Mary Anne didn't answer, and I thought about it a little more. "He wanted to change me and make me into someone else." I hesitated. "But why did he choose me? There were dozens of girls he could have picked." "Who knows? I think he really liked you at first. Or maybe he was interested because you were from California." I sighed. Everything was falling into place. Travis had never liked me as much as I had liked him. I was simply a "project" for him. I felt a little better, having figured out what was going on, but now I had another problem. What should I do next?

Mary Anne must have read my mind. "I think you should confront him," she said. "Tell him exactly what you think." "I think so, too. It won't be easy. That's what I thought I was going to do today. But I know it's the right thing to do." I smiled at her. "You've been a big help, Mary Anne." "I'm glad." She hugged me and headed toward the door. "Oh, and Dawn, there's one more thing you need to do." "What's that?" She grinned. "Be sure you read the club notebook." Chapter 14.

Now that I had made up my mind what to do, I didn't stop to think twice. I didn't make elaborate plans to follow Travis, or think about what I was going to say to him. I just reached for the phone, hoping that the right words would come to me. (Sometimes when you have to do something really hard, it's better not to plan too much.) "Dawn, how are you?" exclaimed Travis when he picked up the phone.

He acted like nothing was wrong! His voice was so warm and friendly, I almost lost my cool, but I knew I had to be strong.

"I'm fine," I told him. "In fact, I've always been fine, but it took me awhile to figure that out." "Huh?" I took a deep breath. "You don't get it, do you?" I rushed on. "Well, maybe I can explain it to you." "Okay, shoot." A tiny note of doubt crept into his voice.

I braced myself for the toughest part of all. "You really hurt me, Travis." "I hurt you?" He sounded incredulous.

"Yes, you did. You told me how to dress, how to fix my hair, how to act. You tried to make me into something I'm not." There was a long pause. "You're right. I don't get it," he said finally. "How could something like that hurt you? You're a great-looking girl, Dawn. I just figured you could use a few suggestions on how to dress and do your hair." "It was more than a few, but anyway, that's not the point. You can't imagine what a big effect you had on me. I took everything you said to heart." I hesitated, twisting the phone cord around my fingers. "Maybe you can't understand this, Travis, but I practically ran in circles trying to please you. I tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be." It's funny, but even as I said the words, I realized that the harder I tried, the more hopeless things had become. I knew now that I could never be what Travis wanted (and that I didn't want to be).