Ally Carter - [Gallagher Girls 01] I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You

I am so good, I thought, right up until the point when I looked down and saw Josh lying at my feet, the wind knocked out of him.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" I cried and reached down for him. "I'm so sorry. Are you all right? Please be all right."

"Cammie?" he croaked. His voice sounded so weak, and I thought, This is it. I've killed the only man I could ever love, and now I'm about to hear his deathbed (deathstreet?) confession. I leaned close to him. My hair fell into his open mouth. He gagged.

So … yeah … on my first psuedo-date, I not only physically assaulted my potential soul mate, I also made him gag—literally.

I pushed my hair behind my ear and crouched beside him. (Incidentally, if you ever want to feel a boy's abs, this is a pretty good technique—because it seemed perfectly natural for me to put my hands on his stomach and chest.) "Ooh. What is it?"

"Do something for me?"

"Anything!" I crouched lower, not wanting to miss a single, precious word.

"Please don't ever tell any of my friends about this."

He smiled, and relief flooded my body.

He thinks I'll meet his friends! I thought—then wondered, What does that mean?

The Subject demonstrates amazing physical fortitude, as was exhibited by his ability to recover quickly after a very hard fall onto asphalt. The Subject is also surprisingly heavy.

I helped Josh get up and brush himself off.

"Wow!" he said. "Where did you learn to do that?"

I shrugged, trying to guess how Cammie the homeschooled girl who had a cat named Suzie would reply. "My mom says a girl needs to know how to take care of herself." Not a lie.

He rubbed the back of his head. "I feel sorry for your dad."

Bullets couldn't have hit me any harder. But then I realized that he wasn't taking it back, slinking away, trying to pull his foot out of his mouth. He just looked at me and smiled. For the first time in a long time, when thinking about my father, I felt like smiling, too.

"He says he's pretty tough, but I think she could take him."

"Like mother like daughter, huh?"

He had no idea what an amazing compliment he'd just given me—and the thing was: he'd never know.

"Can you…like…" He was gesturing to the town around us. "…walk around or something?"

"Sure."

We set off down the street. For a girl who has been described as a pavement artist, I was a little surprised at how hard it is to walk when you're actually trying to be seen.

After a few minutes of listening to our feet on the street, I realized something. Talking. Shouldn't there be talking? I searched my mind for something—anything—to say, but kept coming up with things like "So, how 'bout those new satellite-controlled detonators with the twelve-mile range?" Or, "Have you read the new translation of Art of War? Because I prefer it in the original dialect. …" I half wished he'd charge at me again or draw a knife or start speaking in Japanese or something … but he didn't, and so I didn't know what to do. He walked. So I walked. He smiled, so I smiled back. He turned a corner (without using the Strembesky technique of detecting a tail, which was really sloppy of him), and I followed.

We turned another corner, and I knew from my Driver's Ed recon that there was a playground up ahead.

"I broke my arm there," he said, pointing to the monkey bars. Then he blushed. "It was a real rumble—bodies everywhere—you should have seen the other guy."

I smiled. "Oh, sounds wild."

"As wild as anything in Roseville ever gets." He laughed, and then kicked a stone with the toe of his shoe. It skidded across the vacant street and into an empty gutter. "My mom totally freaked out. She was screaming and trying to drag me into the car." He chuckled, then ran a hand through his wavy hair. "She's a little high maintenance."

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "I know the type."

"No," he said. "Your mom must be cool. I mean, I can't imagine getting to see the places you've seen. All my mom does is cook all the time, you know? Like one kind of pie isn't enough. No. She's got to have three different kinds, and …" His voice trailed off as he looked at me. "I bet your mom doesn't do that."

"Oh, yes she does!" I said quickly. "She's really big on all that stuff."

"You mean, I'm not the only kid who has to sit through eight-course dinners?"

"Oh, are you kidding?" I said. "We do that all the time!" (If eight courses could be defined as five Diet Cokes and three Twinkles.)

"Really? I thought that with the Peace Corps and…"

"Oh, no, are you kidding? They're big on family time and"—I thought back to the huge stack of Pottery Barn catalogs—"decorating."

"Yes!" he said. "I know. You know how they decide, overnight, that you need new curtains in your bedroom…Like plain curtains aren't really getting it done, and now you need striped curtains?"

Plain curtains? Striped curtains? What kind of society had I stumbled into? I should be getting COW extra credit for this! We walked farther, down a winding street with manicured lawns and perfect flower beds that couldn't possibly have been mere miles from the Gallagher walls. I was getting an insider's tour behind the picket fence. I was going where no Gallagher Girl (well, at least this Gallagher Girl) had ever gone before—into a normal American family.

"This is nice. It's a nice…night." And it was. The air was chilly but not cold, and only a light dusting of clouds blew across the starry sky.

"So what was it like?" he pried. What was what like? "Mongolia? Thailand? It must be like …"

"Another world," I said. And it was true—I was from another world—just one that was surprisingly near his own.

Then he did the coolest thing. We were stopped under this streetlight, and he said, "Hold it. You've got a …" And then he reached up and brushed my cheek with his finger. "Eyelash." He held it out in front of me. "Make a wish."

But right then, there was nothing else I wanted.

I don't know how long we wandered the streets of Roseville, because, for the first time in years, I lost track of time.

"But I guess you don't have crazy teachers," he said, teasing after he'd finished a story about his psycho track coach.

"Oh, you'd be surprised."

"Tell me something about you," Josh was prompting me. "I've told you all about my crazy Martha Stewart-wannabe mom and my hyper kid sister and my dad."

"Like what?" I asked, freaking out, as was probably evident by the mind-numbing silence.

"Anything. What's your favorite color? Your favorite band?" He pointed at me as he jumped off the curb and turned in the street. "What's your favorite thing to eat when you're sick?"

How great a question is that? I mean, my whole life I've been answering questions—hard ones, too—but that one seemed especially telling.

"Waffles," I said, suddenly amazed when I realized it was true.

"Me too!" Josh said. "They're so much better than pancakes, which my mom says is crazy because it's the same batter, but I tell her that it's a—"

"Texture thing," we said at the exact same time.

OH MY GOSH! He gets the pancakes versus waffles thing! He gets it!

He was smiling. I was melting.

"When's your birthday?" He shot the question at me like a dart.

"Um…" The second it takes for you to recall something your cover should know, is the second it takes for bad people to do bad things. "November nineteenth," I blurted for no apparent reason; the date just landed in my head like a stone.

"What's your favorite ice cream?"

"Mint chocolate cookie," I said, remembering that was what we'd found in his garbage.

His face lit up. "Me too!" Fancy that. "Do you have brothers and sisters?"