Ed Lacy - Dead End

“How can we disguise the money we'll be lugging?”

“Coming to that,” he said like a lecturer. “Naturally I've given a lot of thought to it. That's our big gimmick because we turn it against the police. You see, after we get a ride with our sob story, we go out of town in opposite directions— and we go empty-handed!”

“You mean we bury the money in the back yard? That's risky. Sooner or later they're going to find Molly and then they'll take the house and yard apart. Even if they don't, be bad returning here in a year or so. And how will we live during all that time?”

Doc laughed at me. The big difference between him and Nate was Doc really acted like he found the world one big joke, while with Nate it had been a pose. Doc said, “We could live on the five grand we're each carrying. But as you say, burying the money would be old hat. No, Bucky, the money goes with us, only we won't be carrying it. Uncle Sam and the express company will do it for us—the money will be sent out by mail and express freight!”

I couldn't have jumped more if I had been fingered. “Mail it out? Doc, have you flipped?”

The tight smile again. But with his face unshaved it looked old instead of sharp. “Don't get up in the air, son. I told you I've given this a lot of thought. Years ago I was in Syracuse on my way back from a trip to Canada. I stopped at a third-rate hotel named Carson's. I happened to be broke at the time. Tomorrow you call the hotel long-distance, ask for a Gil Jones—merely to find out if the hotel is still in business.”

“Forget the dives you've lived in. Get back to the bundle.”

“Damn it, listen and stop interrupting me! Or if you feel nervous, take a nap and we'll discuss it later.”

“Let's talk about it now, Doc.”

“Then listen. Once we're sure the hotel is still there, the following day we get a couple of baskets, or heavy cardboard cartons. We line them with old clothes from Molly's junk, then fill them with money, tie them securely. Now, there's an express depot near here. You ship a basket or box to Gil Jones at the Syracuse hotel. You'll say it's only old clothes and insure it for the minimum. The following day you'll ship another basket of 'clothes,' and at the—

“Day? You expect me to go out during the day?”

“Yes. You'll have to. The express office won't be open at night. Now, Bucky, wait before you hit the ceiling: I certainly realize we run more chance going out during the light hours, but you'll only have to walk within a radius of five or six blocks of this house. Not as far as you went tonight.”

“I don't like going out during the day.”

“Use common sense, son. What really is the difference? If your clown outfit works for the evening, it will work in the daylight hours too. Let me finish my plan. At the same time you ship the second basket of 'clothes,' you'll mail the larger bills in several relatively small packages. There are two post office substations near here. You'll send these first-class mail. We ship the smaller bills in the baskets and the larger bills by mail. That will take care of all the money, except for what we carry with us. Buying it?”

“Why, hell no! It's crazy for me to walk into a post office. Next you'll tell me to stop at the local precinct house to ask where the post offices are!”

“Come on, talk sense,” Doc said patiently. “First off, these are substations, just stores and not regular post offices. But in any event, why should they be looking for us in a post office?”

“There may be wanted flyers of us posted.”

“Oh, I'm certain there are. So?”

“Doc, you talk sense! If those flyers are up, it'd be plain nuts to have me near them!”

“Calm down, Bucky. Forget the flyers, for two reasons. First, you won't look anything like your mug shot, Secondly, no one bothers to read those flyers or—”

“Shep Harris reads them.”

“Because they are mailed directly to his office. Bucky, take my word for it—nobody reads flyers posted on a wall. Unless it's a mug shot of a woman. Do you think I'd take a chance like this if I wasn't certain you'll be safe? In your disguise you could stop Bill Smith on the street for a match and he wouldn't make you. Believe me, son. Any other objections?”

“You bet! Suppose they open the packages? And who's this Gil Jones?”

“Easy, son,” Doc said softly. “I haven't the slightest intention of throwing away our million. If you mean by 'they' the postal authorities—they can't open first-class mail, and they don't. When the postal clerk asks what's in the packages, you go for dumb, tell him you're sending your brother some old letters and notebooks he wants. The clerk will then say it has to go first class. You act surprised, raise a fuss at the few dollars extra postage first class will cost. But you pay it. Obviously we couldn't send the baskets first class, without attracting attention. We could send them parcel post, but they might be opened for inspection. Not much of a chance, but the express company doesn't open any packages.”

“You ever see how they throw packages around in the post office?” I yelled, so wound up I couldn't keep my voice down. “Suppose one is busted open? Or a basket is broken? We'll be dead!”

Doc crushed his cigarette on the floor; the space under his cot looked like a giant ash tray. “Take it soft, son. I've considered all that, naturally. It's a hundred-to-one chance we have to take. Actually, all the corny jokes to the contrary, very few packages are broken in transit. We'll pack them well, with cardboard and plenty of gummed tape under the outside wrapper. There isn't anything that can break. Even if the wrapper should be torn, the money won't show. But let's say somehow one is accidentally opened—we can tell if the hotel is staked out. Then we'll have to flee with what we have. But the odds are all in our favor. We surely can't make it if we take the money with us.”

“You still haven't told me who Gil Jones is.”

Doc held out his hand. “Mr. Penn, shake hands with Mr. Gil Jones. If you'll just close your big yap for a few minutes and let me finish, there won't be so many questions. Now, here's the rest of the idea. I figure the baskets will take about a week to reach Syracuse but the first-class mail will only take three or four days, at the most. This means once we ship the packages on their way, we have to start too, and keep going. We each get a hitch to towns about a hundred miles from here, where we each buy a good secondhand car, but nothing too good or flashy, and drive like hell for Syracuse. Or we go by train or bus. We'll stay off planes. The point is, if we leave by, say, Wednesday, mail the packages by then, then we must be at the Syracuse hotel by Saturday. I'll register as Gil Jones, get a fishing license and make up a few other papers for possible identification. You register as Ted Brown. Do you know anything about the produce business?”

“Naw.”

“I do. I used to be on the market detail. I'll fill you in on enough details to get by. Your story is you're a trucker heading for a fishing vacation in Canada. You'll buy some fishing tackle in a secondhand store, or a pawnshop, in Syracuse. Once we reach the hotel all we have to do is act quiet and wait for the packages, then head north. I picked Syracuse because it's a big city, easy to get lost in, and also it's less than a half a day's drive to Canada. Like it?”

“How can we buy a used car without showing a license?”

Doc rubbed his whiskers. “Not too hard—give the dealer a song about leaving your license with a pal and you're in a big rush to meet him. The dealer won't ask too many questions when he sees it's all for cash. Maybe we'll skip the car idea and go by train. Have to give this part more thought. What else?”