Jill Mansell - Sheer Mischief

Janey had known she was making a big mistake. Patiently, she said, ‘Why not? If I was looking for a new car, I’d see what was being advertised in the paper. If I wanted to move house I’d find out what the estate agents had on their books. Why should looking for a new man be any different?’

I sound like Paula, she thought with amusement. Maybe we should forget selling flowers and set up a dating agency instead.

‘I don’t believe it,’ repeated Maxine, as close to being struck dumb as it was possible for Maxine to get. ‘You are serious!’

Having made up her mind, Janey had no intention of allowing herself to be bulldozed out of it now. Before Maxine had a chance to get her teeth into a really below the-belt argument on the subject, she said, ‘OK, OK. You’re right, it was a bad idea.’

‘About the worst you’ve had since you decided I should come and work at the Hotel Cassidy,’ declared Maxine, remembering why she had decided to phone her sister in the first place. ‘As if I wasn’t enough of a skivvy already, some ghastly tarty girlfriend of Guy’s rolled up earlier today with wagonloads of cases and announced that she was here for the week. All she’s done is sit on her fat bum watching television and demanding endless cups of tea.’

‘Funny, that’s what you do when you visit me.’ Janey grinned to herself. ‘Has she really got a fat bum?’

‘She soon will have, by the time I’ve finished with her.’ Maxine spoke in self-satisfied tones.

‘And she’s tarty? I wouldn’t have thought that was Guy’s style at all.’

This time she was almost able to hear Maxine’s shoulders slump in defeat.

‘OK, so maybe she isn’t tarty. If she were, I might not hate her so much.’

‘Ah, so she’s a threat,’ Janey teased. ‘You had your designs on Guy and now she’s put your nose out of joint.’

Gloomily, Maxine said, ‘She even has a designer nose.’

It was cheering to discover that even Maxine could feel inadequate when the odds were stacked against her. Janey, who knew only too well how it felt, said, ‘Is she really stunning?’

‘Hmm.’ Maxine sounded resigned. ‘Come up and see us sometime, then you might understand what I’m up against.’

‘Isn’t your sparkling personality enough?’

‘Don’t be stupid, of course it isn’t. Men like Guy aren’t interested in personalities.’ Maxine paused, then added, ‘I mean it, Janey. Come over tomorrow morning, then you can see for yourself.’

‘I can’t just turn up,’ protested Janey. ‘That really would look stupid.’

‘Florists deliver flowers, don’t they?’ Maxine spoke with exaggerated patience. ‘So, if you’re going to be boring about it I’ll place an order. How about a nice bouquet of deadly nightshade?’

‘Oh dear.’ Janey grinned. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a wreath?’

It was eleven-thirty by the time Guy returned home, and to Maxine’s disappointment he didn’t boot Serena unceremoniously out into the night.

Staying put in her armchair, she eavesdropped like mad on the reunion out in the hall. If she twisted round and craned her neck all the way over to the left she could have watched them through the crack in the door, but that would have been too tacky. Besides, Guy would probably catch her at it.

He sounded surprised, though not unhappy, to find Serena waiting for him at the front door.

Maxine heard her say, Darling, Thailand was cancelled so I found myself with a free week. I’ve been here since about midday.’

Maxine was only too easily able to envisage the accompanying embrace; Serena was the lithe, wraparound type. The kiss that went with it, thankfully, wasn’t audible.

‘You should have phoned,’ said Guy, eventually.

‘It doesn’t matter now. I’m just glad you decided not to stay away overnight after all.’

Maxine winced. Guy didn’t miss a trick.

‘Has Maxine been looking after you?’ she heard him say. There was a faint edge to his voice She winced again, this time in anticipation.

‘Mmm,’ Serena replied vaguely. ‘Well, in her own way I suppose. She served up the most extraordinary supper, a kind of fish pie made with instant mashed potato.’

She made ‘instant’ sound like maggot-infested. Maxine heard Guy say, ‘The children like it.’

‘And it was positively teeming with garlic.’

All the better to repel you with, my dear, thought Maxine happily. With six whole cloves of the stuff to contend with, she doubted whether Guy had much enjoyed his welcome-home kiss.

‘Yes, well. Maxine’s culinary techniques are ... interesting,’ he replied dryly. ‘Where is she now, in bed?’

‘In the sitting room.’ Serena didn’t bother to lower her voice. ‘Darling, is it wise to allow the nanny the run of the entire house? She’s been there all evening, hogging the most comfortable chair and the remote control. And she’s been helping herself to your gin.’

Maxine turned and smiled at Guy as he entered the room. Since there wasn’t much point in pretending not to have overheard, she said brightly, ‘Only one gin. Oh, and a splash of tonic and two ice cubes. You can deduct them from my wages.’

‘Don’t be silly. Are the children all right?’

‘Bound, gagged and manacled to their beds.’ She beamed. ‘Don’t worry, they can’t escape.’

‘Good.’ He gave her a brief smile. Serena, as she had anticipated, clung lovingly to his arm.

‘Well, we’re off to bed now. Don’t forget to turn everything off before you go up.’

With any luck, thought Maxine, I did that when I mashed six cloves of garlic into the fish pie.

Chapter 15

Janey saw what Maxine meant when she turned up at Trezale House the following morning.

The storms had cleared, Cornwall was bathed in glorious sunshine once more and Serena Charlton was sunning herself topless in the garden. Observing the sheer flawlessness of her long, lean body and deeply envious of such perfect breasts — the pert kind, which wouldn’t dream of sliding down to nestle in each armpit as her own unruly pair invariably did — Janey was glad she didn’t share her sister’s need to compete. When the opposition was this stunning, it was a daunting prospect to say the least.

‘For me?’ said Guy, coming into the kitchen behind her and spotting the cellophane-wrapped bouquet of lemon-yellow roses in her arms. ‘How kind. Nobody’s given me flowers for years.’

He seemed to be in a good mood. Janey, moving out of the way as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of milk, tried not to stare at his naked torso. All he wore was a pair of Levi’s and delicious aftershave. Yet another faultless body, she thought enviously. Such dazzling perfection was almost too much to bear.

‘Maxine ordered them. She’s gone to track down a vase.’

‘Who?’ Rubbing his wet hair with a green towel slung around his neck, he said cryptically,

‘Ah, you mean our in-house saboteur.’

Janey’s heart sank. ‘What’s she done now?’

But Guy merely grinned. ‘I’m sure she’ll tell you. When she does, perhaps you would let her know that it didn’t work.’ When Janey continued to look blank, he added enigmatically, ‘Tell her that for lunch yesterday I had chicken Kiev.’

‘Found one,’ said Maxine, coming into the kitchen with a slender, very elongated smoked-glass vase. ‘It looks like Serena, don’t you think? Except that the vase has a higher IQ. Oh ...

sorry!’ Spotting Guy and not looking the least bit apologetic, she stood the vase on the table. ‘I thought you were still in the shower.’

Guy raised his eyebrows in good-humoured disbelief. Turning to Janey, he said, ‘Do me a favour, will you? Take her out somewhere tonight.’