Rex Stout - Champagne for One

"I know. Tell him it’s urgent." That was another unexpected pleasure, having a good excuse to call Wolfe from the table. He has too many rules. His voice came, or rather his roar.

"Well?"

"I have a report. Saul and I are having an argument. He thought-"

"What the devil are you doing with Saul?"

"I’m telling you. He thought I should phone you. We have a problem of protocol. I tailed Byne to a restaurant, a joint, and Saul tailed Mrs Usher to the same restaurant, and our two subjects are in there together in a booth. Byne is eating oysters. So the question is, who is in charge, Saul or me? The only way to settle it without violence was to call you."

"At meal time," he said. I didn’t retort, knowing that his complaint was not that I had presumed to interrupt, but that his two bright ideas had picked that moment to rendezvous.

I said sympathetically, "They should have known better."

"Is anyone with them?" he asked.

"No."

"Do they know they have been seen?"

"No."

"Could you eavesdrop?"

"Possibly, but I doubt it."

"Very well, bring them. There’s no hurry, since I have just started dinner. Give them no opportunity for a private exchange after they see you. Have you eaten?"

"I’m full of pie and milk. I don’t know about Saul. I’ll ask him."

"Do so. He could come and eat- No. You may need him."

I hung up, returned to our field headquarters, and told Saul, "He wants them. Naturally. In an hour will do, since he just started dinner. Do you know what a genius is? A genius is a guy who makes things happen without his having any idea that they are going to happen. It’s quite a trick. Our genius wanted to know if you’ve had anything to eat."

"He would. Sure. Plenty."

"Okay. Now the m.o. Do we take them in there or wait till they come out?"

Both procedures had pros and cons, and after discussion it was decided that Saul should go in and see how their meal was coming along, and when he thought they had swallowed enough to hold them through the hours ahead, or when they showed signs of adjourning, he would come out and wigwag me, go back in, and be near their booth when I approached.

They must have been fast eaters, for Saul hadn’t been gone more than ten minutes when he came out, lifted a hand, saw me move, and went back in. I crossed over, entered, took five seconds to adjust to the noise and the smoke screen from the mob, made it to the rear, and there they were. The first Byne knew, someone was crowding him on the narrow seat, and his head jerked around. He started to say something, saw who it was, and goggled at me.

"Hi, Dinky," I said. "Excuse me for butting in, but I want to introduce a friend. Mr Panzer. Saul, Mrs Usher. Mr Byne. Sit down. Would you mind giving him room, Mrs Usher?"

Byne had started to rise, by reflex, but it can’t be done in a tight little booth without toppling the table. He sank back. His mouth opened, and closed. Liquid spilled on the table top from a glass Elaine Usher was holding, and Saul, squeezed in beside her, reached and took it.

"Let me out," Byne said. "Let us out or I’ll go out over you. Her name is Upson. Edith Upson."

I shook my head. "If you start a row you’ll only make it worse. Mr Panzer knows Mrs Usher, though she doesn’t know him. Let’s be calm and consider the situation. There must be-"

"What do you want?"

"I’m trying to tell you. There must be some good reason why you two arranged to meet in this out-of-the-way dump, and Mr Panzer and I are curious to know what it is, and others will be too-the press, the public, the police, the District Attorney, and Nero Wolfe. I wouldn’t expect you to explain it here in this din and smog. Either Mr Panzer can phone inspector Cramer while I sit and chat with you, and he can send a car for you, or we’ll take you to talk it over with Mr Wolfe, whichever you prefer."

He had recovered some. He had played a lot of poker. He put a hand on my arm. "Look, Archie, there’s nothing to it. It looks funny, sure it does, us here together, but we didn’t arrange it. I met Mrs Usher about a year ago, I went to see her when her daughter went to Grantham House, and when I came in here this evening and saw her, after what’s happened, naturally I spoke to her and we-"

"Save it, Dinky. Saul, phone Cramer."

Saul started to slide out. Byne reached and grabbed his sleeve. "Now wait a minute. Damn it, can’t you listen? I’m-"

"No," I said. "No listening. You can have one minute to decide." I looked at my watch. "In one minute either you and Mrs Usher come along to Nero Wolfe or we phone Cramer. One minute." I looked at my watch. "Go."

"Not the cops," Mrs Usher said. "My God, not the cops."

Byne began, "If you’d only listen-"

"No. Forty seconds."

If you’re playing stud, and there’s only one card to come, and the man across has two jacks showing and all you have is a mess, it doesn’t matter what his hole card is, or yours either. Byne didn’t use up the forty seconds. Only ten of them had gone when he stretched his neck to look for a waiter and ask for his check.

Chapter Thirteen

Surveying Elaine Usher from my desk as she sat in the red leather chair, I told myself that Saul’s picture of her, pieced together from a dozen descriptions he had got, had been pretty accurate. Oval face, blue eyes set close, good skin, medium-cut blonde hair, around forty. I would have said a hundred and fifteen pounds instead of a hundred and twenty, but she might have lost a few in the last four days. I had put her in the red leather chair because I had thought it desirable to have Byne closer to me. He was between Saul and me, and Saul was between the two subjects. But my arrangement was soon changed.

"I prefer," Wolfe said, "to speak with you separately, but first I must make sure that there is no misunderstanding. I intend to badger you, but you don’t have to submit to it. Before I start, or at any moment, you may get up and leave. If you do, you will be through with me; thenceforth you will deal with the police. I make that clear because I don’t want you bouncing up and down. If you want to go now, go."

He took a deep breath. He had just come in from the dining-room, having had his coffee there while I reported on the summit conference at Tom’s Joint.

"We were forced to come here by a threat," Byne said.

"Certainly you were. And I am detaining you by the same threat. When you prefer that to this, leave. Now, madam, I wish to speak privately with Mr Byne. Saul, take Mrs Usher to the front room."

"Don’t go," Byne told her. "Stay here."

Wolfe turned to me. "You were right, Archie. He is incorrigible. It isn’t worth it. Get Mr Cramer."

"No," Elaine Usher said. She left the chair. "I'll go."

Saul was up. "This way," he said, and went and opened the door to the front room and held it for her. When she had passed through he followed and closed the door.

Wolfe levelled his eyes at Byne. "Now, sir. Don’t bother to raise your voice; that wall and door are sound-proofed. Mr Goodwin has told me how you explained being in that restaurant with Mrs Usher. Do you expect me to accept it?"