Pohl, Frederik - The Age of the Pussyfoot

It was the master computing center this time, not the deep, remote, echoless voice of the Sirian. Forrester groaned. “Not again!”

“Heinzlichen Jura de Syrtis Major—”

“I knew it,” Forrester muttered.

“—states that he has reactivated his hunting permit. You are notified, Man Forrester, so please be guided accordingly.”

“I’m guided, I’m guided. What’s the other one?”

“Man Forrester, it is from Alphard Four Zero-zero Trimate,” said the joymaker; then, unbending slightly, “or, as you call him, Sirian Four. A notice to terminate employment. Guarantees are met, and notice paid. Reason: failure to comply with reasonable request of employer, to wit, research questions concerning early U.S. and U.S.S.R. space probe motivation.”

Forrester squawked, “Wait a minute! That sounds like—you mean—hey! I’m fired!”

“Man Forrester,” said the joymaker, “that is correct. You are fired.”

After the first shock had worn off, Forrester was not particularly sorry, although his feelings were hurt. He had thought he was doing as good a job as could be done. Considering the job. Considering the employer.

Nevertheless, it had had its disadvantages, including the barely polite remarks Adne and the children had been passing about working for the enemy. So with a light heart Forrester dismissed the Sirian from his mind and informed the joymaker he wanted another job.

Quite rapidly he had one: standby machine monitor for the great sublake fusion generating station under Lake Michigan. It paid very well, and the work was easy.

Not for twenty-four hours did Forrester discover that the premium pay was due to the fact that, at unpredictable intervals, severe radiation damage was encountered. His predecessor in the job—in fact, all of his predecessors—were now blocks of low-temperature matter in the great lakeside freezers, awaiting discovery of a better technique for flushing the radioactive poisons out of their cells; and the joymaker candidly informed him that their probable wait for thawing and restoration, which depended on the pace at which certain basic biophysical discoveries were likely to be made, was estimated to be of the order of magnitude of two thousand years.

Forrester blew his top. “Thanks!” he grated. “I quit! What the devil do they need a human being down here for anyway?”

“In the event of cybernetic failure,” said the machine promptly, “an organic overseer may retain the potential of voice connection with the central computing facility, providing an emergency capability—”

“It was only a rhetorical question. Forget it. Say,” said Forrester, punching the elevator button that would bring him up to the breather platform at the lake’s surface and thence back to the city, “why didn’t you tell me this job would kill me?”

“Man Forrester,” said the machine gravely, “you did not ask me. Excuse me, Man Forrester, but you have summoned an elevator. Your relief is not due for three hours. You should not leave your station unattended.”

“No, I shouldn’t. But I’m going to.”

“Man Forrester! I must warn you—”

“Look. If I read the plaque on the surface right, this particular installation has been in service for like a hundred and eighty years. I bet the cybernetic controls haven’t failed once in all that time. Right?”

“You are quite correct, Man Forrester. Nevertheless—”

“Nevertheless my foot. I’m going.” The elevator door opened; he entered; it closed behind him.

“Man Forrester! You are endangering—”

“Oh, shut up. There’s no danger. Worst that would happen would be that it might stop working for a while. So power from the city would come from the other generators until it got fixed, right?”

“Yes, Man Forrester, but the danger—”

“You argue too much. Over and out,” said Forrester. “Oh, except one thing. Find me another job.”

But the joymaker didn’t.

Time passed, and it still didn’t. It didn’t speak to him at all.

Back in his room, Forrester demanded of the joymaker, “Come on, what’s the matter? You computers don’t have human emotions, do you? If I hurt your feelings I’m sorry.”

But there was no answer. The joymaker did not speak. The view-walls would not light up. The dinner he ordered did not appear.

The room was dead.

Forrester conquered his pride and went to Adne Bensen’s apartment. She was not there, but the children let him in. He said, “Kids, I’ve got a problem. I seem to have blown a fuse or something in my joymaker.”

They were staring at him, bemused. After a moment Forrester realized he had blundered in on something. “What is it, Tunt? Another club meeting? How about it, Mim?”

They burst out laughing. Forrester said angrily, “All right. I didn’t come here for laughs, but what’s the joke?”

“You called me Tunt!” the boy laughed.

His sister giggled with him. “And that’s not the worst, Tunt. He called me Mim! Charles, don’t you know anything?”

“I know I’m in trouble,” Forrester said stiffly. “My joymaker doesn’t work any more.”

Now their stares were round-eyed and open-mouthed. “Oh, Charles!” Obviously the magnitude of the catastrophe had overwhelmed their defenses. Whatever it was that had been occupying their minds when he came in, they were giving him their whole attention now.

He said uncomfortably, “So what I want to know is, what went wrong?”

“Find out!” cried Mim. “Hurry, Tunt! Poor Charles!” She gazed at him with a compassion and horror, as at a leper.

The boy knew what practical steps to take—at least, he knew enough to be able to find out what Forrester had done wrong. Through his pedagogical joymaker, the boy queried the central computing facilities, listening with eyes wide to the inaudible response, and turned to stare again at Forrester.

“Charles! Great sweat! You quit your job without notice!”

“Well, sure I did,” said Forrester. He shifted uneasily in his seat. “All right,” he said, to break the silence. “I did the wrong thing, huh? I guess I was hasty.”

“Hasty!”

“Stupid,” Forrester amended. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry!”

“If you just keep repeating everything I say,” said Forrester, “you might drive me crazy, but you won’t be exactly helping me. I goofed. All right. I admit it.”

The boy said, “Yes, Charles, but didn’t you know you forfeited your salary? And you didn’t have anything much else, you know. A couple K-bucks sequestrated for the freezers, but not much loose cash. And so you’re—” The boy hesitated, forming the words with his lips. “You’re broke,” he whispered.

If those were not the most frightening words Forrester had ever heard, they certainly were well up in the running. Broke? In this age of incredible plenty and high-velocity spending? He might as well be dead, again. He sank back in his chair, and the little girl sprang helpfully forward and ordered him a drink. Forrester took a grateful swallow and waited for it to hit him.

It didn’t hit him. It was, of course, the best the girl could get for him on her own joymaker, but it had about as much kick as lemon pop.

He put it down carefully and said, “See if I’ve got this straight. I didn’t pay my bills, so they turned off the joymaker. Right?”

“Well, I guess you could say that.”

“All right.” Forrester nodded. “So the first thing I have to do is reestablish my credit. Get some money.”

“Right, Charles!” cried the girl. “That’ll fix everything up!”

“So how do I do that?”

The two children looked at each other helplessly.

“Isn’t there anything I can do?”

“Well, sure, Charles. Sweat, there’s got to be! Get another job, I guess.”