The Theatre - Kellerman, Jonathan

"Bad enough to be sick," said Runny Eyes, "without being demeaned by pencil pushers."

A murmur of assent rose from the crowd. Runny Eyes scratched his rear and started to say something else.

"All right," said Hajab, hitching up his trousers and pulling out his pen. "Have your cards ready."

Just as he finished admitting the first bunch, a second truck-the one from Hebron-struggled up the road from the southeast. The engine on this one had an unhealthy stutter-the gears sounded worn, probably plenty else in need of repair. He would have loved to have a go at it, show what he could do with a wrench and screwdriver, but those days were gone. Al maktoub.

The Hebron truck was having trouble getting over the peak of Scopus. As it lurched and bucked, a white Subaru two-door came cruising by from the opposite direction-from the campus of the Jews' university. The Subaru stopped, rolled several meters, and came to a halt directly across the road from the Amelia Catherine. Probably a gawker, thought Hajab, noticing the rental plates and the yellow Hertz sticker on the rear window.

The door of the Subaru opened and a big guy in a dark suit got out and started walking toward the Amelia Catherine. The sun bounced off his chest and reflected something shiny. Cameras-definitely a gawker-two of them, hanging from long straps. From where Hajab sat they looked expensive-big black-and-chrome jobs with those oversized lenses that stuck out like noses.

The gawker stopped in the middle of the road, oblivious to the approaching truck despite all the nose it was making. He uncovered the lens of one of the cameras, raised the machine to his eyes, and started shooting pictures of the hospital.

Hajab frowned. That kind of thing just wouldn't do. Not without some sort of payment. His commission.

He pushed himself out of his chair, wiped his mouth, and took a step forward, stopped at the sight of the Hebron truck coming over the peak and headed straight for the guy with the cameras, who just kept clicking away-what was he, deaf?

The driver of the truck saw him late, slammed on the brakes, which squealed like scared goats-another job for an expert mechanic-then leaned on his horn. The guy with the cameras looked up, waved hello like some kind of mental defective, and stumbled out of the way. The driver honked again, just for emphasis. The guy with the camera bowed and trotted across the road. Headed right for Hajab's chair.

As he got close, Hajab saw he was a Japanese. Very big and broad for one of them, but Japanese just the same, with the goofy tourist look they all had: ill-fitting suit, wide smile, thick-lensed eyeglasses, the hair all slicked down with grease. The cameras hanging on him like body parts-Japanese babies were probably born with cameras attached to them.

They were the best, the Japanese. Rich, every one of them, and gullible-easy to convince that the commission was mandatory. Hajab had posed for a group of them last month, gotten five dollars from each one, money he still had in a coffee can under his bed in Ramallah. His own bed.

"No pictures," he said sternly, in English.

The Japanese smiled and bowed, pointed his camera at the rose garden beyond the arch, snapped a picture, then swung the lens directly in line with the front door.

"No, no, you can't take pictures here," said the watchman, stepping between the Japanese and the door and wagging his finger in the big yellow face. The Japanese smiled wider, uncomprehending. Hajab searched his memory for English words, retrieved one Mr. Baldwin had taught him: "Forbidden!"

The Japanese made an O with his mouth, nodded his head several times, and bowed. Refocusing his camera-a Nikon; both of then were Nikons-on Hajab. The Nikon clicked and whirred.

Hajab started to say something, was distracted for a moment by the rattle of the Hebron truck's tailgate chains, the slamming of the gate on the asphalt. The Japanese ignored the noise, kept shooting Hajab's portrait.

"No, no." Hajab shook his head.

The Japanese stared at him. Put the first camera down and picked up the second. Behind him the Hebron truck drove away.

"No," Hajab repeated. "Forbidden."

The Japanese smiled, bowed, started pressing the second camera's shutter.

Idiot. Maybe "no" meant yes in his language-though the ones last month had understood. Maybe this one was just being obstinate.

Too big to intimidate, Hajab decided. The best he could do was disrupt the photographs, follow up with a little pantomime using his wallet.

He told the idiot: "U.N. say, must pay for pictures," put his hand in his pocket, was prevented from proceeding by the swarm of Hebron patients hobbling their way to the entry.

Aggressive bunch, they pushed against him, tried to get past him without showing their cards. Typical Hebron animals. Whenever they were around, it meant trouble.

"Wait," said Hajab, holding out his palm.

The Hebron patients pressed forward anyway, surrounding the big Japanese and beginning to stare him with a mixture of curiosity and distrust as he kept taking pictures.

"Cards," announced Hajab, spreading his arms to prevent any of them from getting through. "You must show cards! The doctors won't see you without them."

"He saw me last month," said a man. "Said the card wasn't necessary."

"Well, it's necessary now." Hajab turned to the Japanese and grabbed hold of his arm, which felt huge under the suit sleeve: "Stop that, you. No pictures."

"Let the man take his pictures," said a man with a bandaged jaw and swollen lips, the words coming out slurred. He grinned at the Japanese, said in Arabic: "Take my picture, yellow brother."

The Hebron ruffians laughed.

"And mine."

"Mine, too, I want to be a movie star!"

The Japanese reacted to the shouts and smiles by snapping his shutter.

Hajab tugged at the Japanese man's arm, which was hard as a block of limestone and just as difficult to budge. "No, no! Forbidden, forbidden!"

"Why can't he take his pictures?" a patient demanded.

"U.N. rules."

"Always rules! Let us in-we're sick!"

Several patients pushed forward. One of them managed to get around Hajab. The watchman said, "Stop, you!" and the sneak halted. Stooped-over little fellow with sallow skin and a worried ace, he pointed to his throat and his belly.

"Card?" said Hajab.

"I lost it," said the man, talking with effort in a low croak, still holding his belly.

"The doctor won't see you without it."

The man moaned in pain.

"Let him in!" shouted someone. "He vomited in the truck, stunk it up."

"Let me in-I have to vomit too," said another voice from the crowd.

"Me, too. I have loose bowels as well."

Laughter, followed by more crudities.

The Japanese seemed to think the merriment was directed at him; he responded to each jest and rude remark with a click of his shutter.

A circus, thought Hajab, all because of this camera-laden monkey. As he reached up to pull down the Nikon, several rowdies made for the door.

"Stop your pictures!" he said. "Forbidden!" The Japanese smiled, kept clicking away.

More patients were pushing through now. Heading for the front door, not a single of them bothering to show his card.

Click, click.

"Forbidden!"

The Japanese stopped, lowered his camera and let it rest against his broad chest.

Probably out of film, thought Hajab. No way would he be permitted to reload on hospital property.

But instead of reaching into his pocket for film, the Japanese smiled at Hajab and held out his hand for a shake.

Hajab took it briefly, withdrew his hand, and held it palm up. "Twenty dollars, American. U.N. rules."

The Japanese smiled again, bowed, and walked away.

"Twenty dollars," laughed a patient as he walked.by.