Megan Hart - Switch

had since toddlerhood had died. I'd watched him bury that

dog without a tear. But now…now, he was almost

weeping.

I had done this to him.

I had done this to him.

I didn't need to beat his ass with a belt to hurt him.

I felt like the worst kind of bitch.

"Is it what you like? Is it what you need?" He looked

helplessly at the headboard, where his hands had left no

marks. I looked, too. We didn't need scratches in the

wood to remember how he'd clutched it.

"I…think…I don't want to talk about this," I gasped out

around tears of my own.

Austin had seen me cry plenty of times. If my tears moved

him, he didn't show it. "Talk about it to me. I want to

know."

He paused, moved forward. Reached for me, though I

backed away.

"Please," he said.

I shook my head and covered my face with my hands, so I

didn't see him getting on his knees in front of me. I only felt

the thud as he hit the floor and the warmth of his hands as

he grabbed my hips. I couldn't look, not even when he

he grabbed my hips. I couldn't look, not even when he

pressed his face to my pussy and whispered my name, his

breath hot through the cotton. I didn't want to feel the wet

of tears against my skin. I wouldn't look, not even when he

inched the fabric of my nightgown into his fists and kissed

my bely, then my thighs.

"Tel me," Austin said. "Is this where you want me?"

A strangled sound launched itself from my throat. I tried to

take a step back, but his hands held me in place. He

kissed me again, slow and lingering. Heat and wet against

my cunt. Heat and wet against my thigh as he turned his

face to press against me there.

"Because I'l do it, if it makes you happy, Paige. I'l get on

my knees for you any time you want it. I'l let you do what

you want. If you tel me what you want me to do, I'l do it.

Whatever it takes, remember? Just…tel me. Please."

"I want you to shut up and go," I said as best I could

without breath. It had stuck in my throat, too, my world

spinning dizzily as I tried to draw in more air. "Just go,

Austin!"

"If that's what you want." He stood and his hands slid up

"If that's what you want." He stood and his hands slid up

my body to pul me closer to him.

My nightgown fel back down, but it was no protection

against him. His belt buckle pressed my bely. The denim

of his jeans scratched my bare legs. I had my hands

between us, pushing at his chest, and he snared them both

in his. Too late, I realized I would have to look at him

now.

"I love you," Austin said. "Don't you know that?"

I opened my mouth and he kissed me until I turned my

face.

"You don't want to know it," he said.

"We've been through this before," I whispered. "It doesn't work with us."

"I want it to work. Things are different now. Aren't they?

I'm different." He paused and tugged me half an inch

closer. "You're different. You know you are."

But I hadn't wanted him to know.

"We weren't al bad together," he said.

"We weren't al bad together," he said.

I looked at him again. "We weren't al good together,

either."

"I want to be with you. Not just to fuck you once in a

while. Again, serious. You and me. I'm wiling to try."

I almost said yes. But then I said no. "Leave."

"Whatever it takes," Austin said, and kissed me until I

couldn't breathe.

I didn't walk him to the door. I waited until I heard it close

behind him before I looked at the message on my phone.

It was from Eric, as I'd thought.

If I were with you right now, I'd be on my knees for you.

Your slave. I'd worship you. I wish I could be with you

right now.

It's easy to look back and blame a lot of things on

circumstance, and I could blame what had just happened

with Austin for my response to Eric. But I'l own what I

did. I answered him.

I think it's time we meet in person.

I think it's time we meet in person.

Then I wiped my face and refused to cry anymore.

Chapter 31

"Paige, I need you to come and stay with Arty next week

while I go away for a few days." My mom, for once, didn't

start with any sort of preamble.

I didn't stop to think about why she was asking, just that

she was. "Stay at the house?"

"Yes." She sounded tired and cranky. "I need you to be here to get him on the bus in the morning. He has that

after-school program until you can get home from work."

"What time does he get on the bus?" Already I was

calculating excuses, thinking only of the torture of having to

stay in my mother's house for any length of time.

"Eight. Plenty of time for you to get to work. And it's only

five days, Paige. Sunday through Thursday. I should be…

I'l be home on Friday."

Her assumption that I'd put my life on hold to do this

rankled. I was already in a bad mood from my fight, if you

could cal it that, and I did, with Austin. My mind was on

other things, like meeting Eric and teling him the truth

other things, like meeting Eric and teling him the truth

about me and his unknown her and what would happen.

"Where are you going?" I asked. "It's not like I can just drop everything, Mom."

"I'm going away for a few days. To a spa," she said

defensively. "Some me time."

I gritted my jaw and turned off the heat under my pan of

reheated spaghetti. I wasn't hungry for it, anyway. "You

couldn't have let me know sooner?"

"They had a last-minute opening. Don't argue with me

about this, Paige."

Her tone, the one she'd used often on me as a child, set

my teeth on edge even more. I dumped the pasta onto a

plate and slammed it onto my table, but I didn't sit to eat it.

"What if I can't?"

My mom's voice cracked. "You have to. I don't have

anyone else to take him, and he loves you. You're his

sister. I need you to do this for me."

The tremor in her voice slammed a door on my anger. "Is

this about Leo?"

this about Leo?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you lived with him for five years, Mom, and you

guys just broke up. You have to be upset."

"I am upset. Very upset." She paused. "Yes, it's about Leo. He…he's taking me away. To try to work things out.

It's last-minute because he just got the time off and this

place had an opening. So we're going. I know it's late

notice, Paige, but I don't have anyone else to ask."

I stil wasn't happy, but I was the last person to stop

anyone from trying to repair a relationship. Helping out my

mom might, in some way, redeem my lack of effort with

Austin. Or not. In any case, I sighed and puled out my

calendar from my purse. "What days, again?"

She told me. "You could come for the weekend, you

know. Friday night. We could spend a few days together

before I go."

"Don't push it," I told her. "I've got stuff going on, Mom. I can't just pop over and hang out and get home in ten

minutes."

"You think I don't know that?"

Shit, now she was crying. What was wrong with me, that I

made people around me so upset? "Mom. C'mon."

"I miss you, Paige! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I don't have a big,

fancy house like your dad does," she said more meanly

than I'd ever heard her in my life. "I'm sorry we don't meet

your standards. But it's what we have, and you didn't turn

out so fucking bad, did you?"

I might have shouted back at her, except I was tired of

fighting. With Austin, with her. With myself. So I said