Megan Hart - Switch

said, it was time to stop treating each other like an act of

war.

I made it al the way to the sidewalk before he was out

after me. Austin grabbed my elbow and I turned to face

him, my mouth already open to say something cutting. He

stopped it with his tongue. He walked me up against the

bricks, hard on my back. Him hard on my front.

I pushed him away. "I'm not that easy."

He puled me closer and kissed me softer. "You could be.

I know you could be."

"Austin…" His name eased out of me on a sigh. "This isn't a good idea. Can't we just be friends?"

"What? Are you shitting me?" His hands gripped my waist,

but he wasn't pressing me against the wal anymore.

I sagged against him, my head in the place it fit just right on

his chest. "No. I'm not."

His grip tightened on me, then released. I mourned the loss

of his body when he stepped away from me, even though I

knew it was for the best. Fucking like tigers had its place,

no doubt, but I didn't think I could keep surviving the

scars.

Austin smoothed my hair off my forehead and hovered his

mouth over mine without kissing me. "Fine."

"Yes?" I refused to let myself feel miffed. It was what I

wanted, after al. To stop the constant game of catch and

release we'd begun so many years ago.

"If that's what you want. If it's al you want."

I stepped out of his embrace. "I think it's better for both of

us, Austin. If we…you know. Move on."

us, Austin. If we…you know. Move on."

"If that it's what you want," he repeated. "I'l do whatever it takes."

I blinked slowly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged and looked around at the night before

looking back at me. "It means I'l do whatever it takes.

Whatever you need. What you want. I'm your guy."

"Austin," I said warningly, but he held up a hand.

"It's stupid not to have you in my life, Paige. We've known

each other too long and too wel to just throw that al

away. I told you that when you left me."

"That was a long time ago."

"It hasn't changed." He shook his head and shot me a

smile. "So. Friends? Fine."

"Whatever it takes?" I said warily. "Uh-huh."

He leaned to kiss me again, and this time I let him. He hit

my cheek with his lips, his kiss chaste and demure. He

didn't even grab my ass.

didn't even grab my ass.

"I'm going home," I said.

"I'l walk you."

I pointed down the block. "You don't have to. I can see

the door to my building from here."

"I'l walk with you anyway."

He did. We didn't speak. He didn't try to kiss me again, or

come upstairs. He didn't shake my hand, either.

"I'l cal you," Austin said, and I had no doubt he would.

Chapter 28

Not everything is meant to last forever, no matter how

much you want it to. I'd married young. Too young. And I

was grateful we'd both figured out our mistake while we

were stil young, before we had kids, before we'd tied

ourselves together for a life and had none left after we fel

apart.

I'd married him for the right reasons. I'd divorced him for

the right reasons, too. Hadn't I?

I'm watching him, and he doesn't know it. I wish he could

feel the burn of my gaze from across the bar, that

somehow my eyes alone could make him turn, but Austin's

too busy paying attention to the game and his friends and

even that brown-haired whore shaking her tits every time

he glances at her. I can't necessarily blame him for looking.

They're like two beach bals shoved into a tiny tank top.

But I don't like to watch him looking.

It's another late night for him when he should be worried

about getting up early in the morning, and another late night

for me studying for tests I know I'l pass but don't know if

passing wil matter in the end. School's been going on a

passing wil matter in the end. School's been going on a

long time, longer than I imagined it would when I decided

to go. Money's tight and even community colege costs a

lot when you have to pay rent and buy food and pay off a

car, too.

I only stopped here because I knew if I went home and he

wasn't waiting for me I'd be furious. We'd fight and then

we'd fuck, and I'm getting tired of that. I'm tired of him

teling me what to do and making me feel like shit for doing

anything else. I'm beginning to think this whole marriage

thing was a bad idea, but after only two years I don't want

to give up. I don't want everyone to laugh behind their

hands and point and whisper. Mostly I don't want to give

him up just so Miss Big Tits and Bad Extensions can get

her claws into him.

At home I shower and toss my clothes into the hamper,

and I'm making myself a sandwich when Austin comes in.

He doesn't act drunk, but when he kisses me I taste beer.

I turn my face to give him my cheek.

"What, you don't want to kiss me? Fine."

I hate it when he sulks .

He steals half my sandwich and tries to tell me about

his day, and all I want to do is go to sleep so I can get

up early and be at the shop to make the next day's

deliveries. We need the money I'll earn. I have another

tuition payment due .

I'm not listening to him, but I'm watching his mouth

move. His lips glisten with oil from the sandwich. His

tongue swipes across them. It's late, I'm tired and

annoyed, but later when he comes to bed I think of the

swipe of his tongue on his mouth and I roll over to

face him .

It's easier to fuck him in the dark, when I can pretend

he's got a different face and so do I. When we can be

different people in a different place. I can forget I'm

supposed to be in love with him and just fuck him like

he's a stranger and I don't have to ever see him again

in the morning .

Austin did cal me, but he seemed to have meant what he

said about agreeing to just be friends. I hadn't forgotten

what it was like to hang on the phone with him for hours, in

the dark, revealing every second of the day just to have a

reason to keep talking. Our current conversations were

reason to keep talking. Our current conversations were

shorter than that, but they reminded me of back then.

Things on the Eric front were more complicated. I'd seen

him a few times since our dinner date. Another dinner, out

to the movies, walks along the river. Things like that.

Conflicting schedules had made it impossible to see him al

the time. Besides, I wasn't "that" girl. The one who took

one date and turned it into a marriage proposal.

We were moving slowly, slowly. Glaciers. And that was

fine with me. I'd seen interest flicker in his eyes, watched

him watching my mouth when I spoke. Felt his fingers

tighten in mine as we walked.

I knew he was waiting for me to make the first move, or to

be told to make one, himself. I wasn't quite ready to do

either. As Paige, I was enjoying the whole taking-it-slow

thing.

As his anonymous mistress, on the other hand, I had

complete control of his life.

Each day I sat at my kitchen table with that Chinese box

open in front of me, my pen stroking that thick, creamy

paper with the touch of a lover. I didn't come from the

writing. Not quite. But each note I wrote put me into a

state of heightened awareness of every piece of me. My