Megan Hart - Switch

education, career and medical history?

Stil, I smoothed out the creases as I finished my breakfast

and folded the paper in half. Then half again. And again,

until finaly I'd turned a legal-size sheet of paper into a

palmful of secrets. It wasn't any of my business. I had no

right to keep it. It weighed there as heavily as a handful of

lead, and yet I couldn't manage to toss it into the trash.

I did wish, though, that I'd lingered over the coffee.

Riverview Manor doesn't have a doorman, and the front-

desk staff was there to accept packages and take care of

problems, not keep anyone from entering the building. The

building had security cameras in the elevators and on every

floor, but no real means of keeping anyone out who

wanted to be in.

Part of me wasn't surprised when I turned the corner of

the hal to see Austin waiting for me in front of my door.

Another part wanted to turn and run away. I lifted my chin

instead, wishing again I'd at least bothered to wear

makeup, though honestly he'd seen me look way worse.

"What are you doing here?" I bent to put my bags down

so I could pul my key from my purse. When I stood,

so I could pul my key from my purse. When I stood,

Austin's eyes were on my face, not my ass. Now, that

surprised me.

"You didn't answer my cals."

I fit the key into the lock, but didn't turn it right away. "I

meant, what are you doing here? "

"I caled your mom."

I unlocked and opened my door and pushed it, but didn't

go through. I turned to look at him. My irritation must have

been clear on my face, because he held up his hands right

away as though I meant to punch him. "My mother told

you where I lived?"

"Your mom always liked me."

I blew a sigh that fluttered the fringe of my bangs off my

forehead and then pushed through the door. I left it open

behind me, as much of an invitation as I could bear to give.

He folowed and shut the door. Softly, with a click, not a

slam.

I put my bags in the kitchen and kicked off my shoes.

Austin stood stil and watched me without making any

Austin stood stil and watched me without making any

move to sit. He looked around the apartment with interest,

then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and rocked

on his heels while I took my time unpacking and putting

away my groceries.

"Can I sit down?" he asked finaly, when I'd made it clear I wasn't going to offer.

"Do you have to ask?" I kept my back turned as I sifted

through the change from my walet. I found a Wheatie

penny and set it aside to put in my colection, then washed

my hands thoroughly with soap and hot water. Money is

one of the filthiest things a person can touch.

When I turned to look at him, he was stil standing. We

stared at each other across the expanse of my unimmense

living room until I nodded. He sat the way he always had,

legs sprawled, taking up as much space as he could.

I took my time cleaning the kitchen, wiping the counters

and scrubbing the sink with bleach-infused powder. I even

emptied the garbage pail and took the trash out to the

chute at the end of the hal. I expected Austin to be

restless or irritated by the time I came back, but he'd

found a copy of a Robert Heinlein novel inside the pile of

found a copy of a Robert Heinlein novel inside the pile of

books and magazines thrown into the straw basket next to

the couch and was flipping through it.

"It doesn't have any pictures," I said from the doorway.

Austin put the book on the coffee table. "This is nice."

He hadn't risen to the bait, though I'd made a point of

pushing one of his buttons. "The book?"

"The coffee table," he said, stil not rising.

"It was Stela's."

Austin nodded, like that made sense. "Glad I didn't put my

feet up on it."

It took me an actual five seconds before I realized he was

trying to tease me without pissing me off. He was actualy

just…kidding. I knew how to handle him trying to seduce

me or piss me off. I didn't know how to take that.

"I miss you," Austin said.

The words were hard to hear, and I don't mean because

he spoke too low, or mumbled. They were hard for me to

he spoke too low, or mumbled. They were hard for me to

listen to because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want

him to miss me.

I sat across from him, instead. The recliner's springs

sometimes poked through the faded material, though I'd

tossed a fleece throw over it. One did now, and I winced

as I shifted.

"I do," he said, as though my expression had been in

response to his statement and not a coil of wire in my butt.

"Austin." Nothing else would come out.

He shrugged. I hadn't falen in love with him because of his

way with words. Back then it hadn't mattered if he spoke

more with his hands than his mouth. Back then we'd both

been young and dumb.

"You look good, Paige. This place," he gestured, "it's nice."

"Thanks."

His hair used to be bleached almost white by the sun, and

he wore it so short I could see his scalp. When I ran my

fingers through it, my nails scraped skin. Now it fel

fingers through it, my nails scraped skin. Now it fel

forward over his ears and forehead and was the color of

wheat in a field, waiting to be cut. His eyes, moving over

my face, made me think he was waiting to be cut, too.

I almost couldn't do it. I mean, the night before I'd let him

put his tongue down my throat and his hands al over me.

When the warmth of him wafted over me, I wanted to

close my eyes at how familiar it was. How easy it would

have been to take him by the hand and lead him to my

bedroom.

I kept my eyes open, a lesson I'd been taught a long time

ago but had taken me a long time to learn. "I don't miss

you, Austin. Last night was a mistake."

"C'mon, Paige. Don't say that. We were always good

together."

"We haven't been together for a long time," I said, not

quite as evenly as I wanted.

"It's not just the sex." Austin leaned forward, too, his

hands on the knees of his dirty denim jeans. A white spot

had worn through just below his kneecap, not quite a hole,

but on its way to becoming one. "I didn't just mean that. I

but on its way to becoming one. "I didn't just mean that. I

can get laid anytime I want."

"I'm sure you can." I got up, my arms folded across my

chest.

He got up, too. "I didn't mean it that way."

I wasn't going to bend. Not over the chair, not over the

bed, and not over this. "It doesn't matter how you meant it.

I think you should go."

"Same old Paige," he said with a shake of his hair. "Stil hard as nails, huh? Hard as a rock. Can't ever give me a

break."

"You don't need a break from me. Besides, you can just

get laid whenever you want. Look, Austin," I said when it

looked as though he meant to speak. "We can't keep

doing this."

"Why not?"

I studied him deliberately until I couldn't hold in the sigh

any longer and it seeped out of me like air from a nail-

punched tire. "You know why not. Because fucking

doesn't solve every problem. And we had a lot of

doesn't solve every problem. And we had a lot of

problems."

He crossed his arms and looked stormy. I didn't point out

the arguments we'd had about money, about religion,

about monogamy. I didn't remind him of the nights he'd

gone out for a few beers with friends and had come home