Andrew Vachss: Sacrifice

"The motherfucker's down, bro'! Run for it, we got your back!"

On my feet now, Max's arm around me bracing, trying to run. Heard the van's engine roar into life, felt myself lifted inside.

It all went black then.

190

I rested up in the junkyard. Hadn't lost much blood with the pressure bandage they'd slapped on. Got lost in the painkillers for a few days.

I was okay about it, the dead time. Talked to Terry, watched some TV. Max fed Pansy every day, finally went back and brought her over to me. She was in heat. It took me fifteen minutes of one-handed sign language to convince him I wanted him to take the dog to Elroy's for a while.

Clarence came by, sat next to my cot in the bunker.

"I saw him take off The Silent One. Like a skate, a devilfish flying. Right after you blew the front door. Seemed like he was up there so long, floating."

"You stand there gawking at him?"

"Oh, that is what the Prof said, mahn, I finally get around to the back door with him. I didn't even see the first one come out. It was the Prof who took her— a young girl. She was almost on me with that long knife, screaming like a mad witch, when I hear the shotgun speak. Cut her right down. I would not have thought the little man could do like that."

"Yeah. He's a fucking wonder."

"He's a man. Like I never knew. Quiet, after that. Then we hear shots from inside. And the explosion. I ask him, how long we gonna wait? He says, until you come out. I ask him, what if you don't come out? You know what he says to me, mahn? He says, then the cops find us when they come. And we die right there. Die like men. I wish my mother knew a man like that."

"Me too."

The bullet never touched bone. The bandage was a few inches from the Queen's amulet, still around my neck. I was healing, waiting my time. Staying inside, icing up.

When they brought Luke to see me, I started crying.

He was gone by the time I stopped.

191

In Wolfe's backyard, dark out.

"They identified the bodies," she said. "No tapes. They must have just gotten started when it happened."

"I guess.

"Storm had her baby. A girl. They named her Sunny."

"That's nice."

"And we arrested Emerson. Took him down yesterday. Hanging around outside the Welfare Center. He's on the Rock. And this is one indictment that'll stick."

"Yeah."

She threw away her cigarette. "Burke…"

"Yeah?"

She stood close to me, held my hand. Her kiss was soft. "You and me, it's not going to be."

"I know."

192

I stood alone on my rooftop, looking down into the zero. I never knew the name of the last sacrifice— didn't know who I was crying for anymore.

Thought about what I didn't have until the list got too long.

Clarence's voice, from long ago. "What would be justice, mahn? So the baby may sleep in peace?"

He was older now.

I can't make babies. Can't fake love. I finished with my tears. Back to what I had left.

193

At Mama's, in the back booth, drinking my soup, making my plans.

"You had call," Mama said. "Yesterday."

"He leave a name?"

"Not a man. Woman. Said to tell you Belinda called. She say you have her number."

194

They brought Silver to the attorney's conference room at Rikers. We shook hands. I felt the power of his grip all the way through my wounded shoulder.

He leaned forward, jailhouse whisper. "Helene told me. I owe you, brother."

I reached in my attaché case. Showed him the picture of Emerson, ran my thumb along the razor-sliced edge. Said the baby-killer's name softly. He'd be in the same joint as Silver, awaiting trial— Rikers holds city-wide.

Silver stared at the photo for a long minute, nodded, handed it back.

195

I'm here now. Waiting for my spirit to walk.