Donald Westlake - Smoke

Barney grinned. "You don't mind," he said, "we don't take your word on that. Search him," he told one of the thugs, who rose obediently to his feet.

Spreading his arms, Wheedabyx calmly said, "I don't lie."

The thug patted him down, and said, "No gun, but here's a walkie-talkie."

"No kidding," Barney said. "I wonder who's at the other end of it, do you think. Freddie? Give it to the chief." To Wheedabyx he said, "Say hello into it."

"I'm not in touch with Freddie Noon."

"Say hello into it, Chief."

"I don't see what you hope to—"

"Say hello!"

Obviously reluctant, Wheedabyx lifted the walkie-talkie to his lips. "Hello."

Immediately the room was filled with the staticky broadcast voice saying, "Geoff, everything okay in there? We're out here, man, we're ready. Everything okay?"

"Everything's okay," Barney prompted.

"Everything's okay."

"Come on in, all of you," Barney suggested.

Wheedabyx made a sour mouth, but repeated the words.

"Fine," Barney said. "Take the walkie-talkie away from him. Greet our guests when they come in, and lock them in the basement."

Two thugs left the room, drawing guns from inside their suitcoats. Wheedabyx called after them, "They aren't armed, they're my construction crew."

"No construction today, Chief," Barney said. "Where's Freddie?"

"I don't know."

"And you don't lie," Barney said.

Some noise in the hall; not much, and not for long.

Barney nodded. "I'm beginning to believe you, Chief. The last guy Freddie Noon is gonna hang out with is a straight-arrow police chief from some hick town. He probably dodged you one time, that's how you know about him. Right?"

"Yes," Wheedabyx said.

"There, you see?" Barney said, as pleased as if he'd invented Wheedabyx himself. "The man doesn't lie. But Peg might," he said, and leered at her. "Is that right, Peg? Like you didn't happen to mention this house belongs to the chief of police in this burg. You led us to this place because you figured Captain America here'd come to the rescue, is that it?"

Peg didn't answer, but she felt her face grow red. And when she glanced sidelong at Wheedabyx, his face was red, too. And he wasn't looking at her.

Barney gave an exaggerated shake of the head and said to Wheedabyx, "Sorry to involve you in this, pal. Is there a post office in this town?"

"Other end of Market Street. Why?"

"I got a little package to mail." Heaving himself to his feet, Barney said to Peg, "Let's take care a this in the kitchen, not get stains all over these nice antiques here."

Wheedabyx said, "What's that?" He was looking very alert, and as though he was thinking of doing something stupid and heroic after all.

So Peg gave up. "Okay," she said. "You win."

"Come on, Peg. Kitchen," Barney said.

"Fuck you, Barney," Peg said. "I told you I give up. I'll give you Freddie, dammit to hell, but I won't play your stupid fucking games anymore."

Barney beamed at her. "Peg," he said, "I admire you. You fought the good fight. And as long as you do what I want, you can use every curse word in the book. Is Freddie around here?"

"About ten miles away."

"What town?"

"Not a town, a house in the country."

"What I always dreamed of," Barney said. "We'll take the van, to keep him calm."

"Er," said Wheedabyx.

"No," said Peg.

"Hold it," Barney said to Peg, and to Wheedabyx he said, "Whadaya mean, er ?"

Wheedabyx seemed very tired of this whole situation. "I have a man outside," he said, "keeping an eye on the van."

"Well, aren't you full of surprises," Barney said. "A fireman?"

"No."

"Is he armed?"

"He's just a part-time deputy, he's got a gas station out on—"

"So he's armed."

Sounding frightened for his deputy, Wheedabyx said, "Except in the qualifying sessions, he's never fired his weapon."

"Well, he won't start today," Barney promised. "Does he have a radio out there?"

"No."

"How do you get in touch with him, if you want him?"

"I go out on the porch and say, "Hey, Cliff.'"

"Ha ha," said Barney, without mirth. "You stand in the doorway, with these two friends of mine just out of sight, and you say, "Hey, Cliff, come in here a minute.' And if it turns out his name isn't Cliff, and he heads in some other direction, Mr. Wheedabyx, he will never get to fire that weapon of his, we will disqualify him completely."

"His name is Cliff."

"Good." To the thugs, Barney said, "Disarm Cliff, and put him with the construction crew."

Wheedabyx and the two thugs left the room, and Barney turned back to Peg. "You're making a lot of trouble for a lot of people today, Peg," he said, "and I don't know how big the basement is in this house, and it seems to me the last word I heard you say was no. Now, why's that, Peg?"

"We can't go there," Peg said. "Freddie knows you guys are after him. He knows you even had skip-tracers looking for me. So we've got a signal, if I show up in the van, just show up, he'll disappear, he'll know it's not my idea I'm there. I mean, he won't let you find him or talk to him, he won't let me find him. If Freddie decides to disappear, you know, he can really do it."

"So we'll take some other car," Barney said. "The chief'll loan us something."

"A strange car pulling in? He'll be off like a shot."

Mordon Leethe broke a long and troubled silence, saying, "You said you'd give him to us, Miss Briscoe."

"I'll phone him," Peg said. "I'll tell him you guys have me, I'm your prisoner, and it's gonna get tough for me if he doesn't come here and talk it over."

Barney said, "And you think he'll show up, on your account?"

"If I'm wrong," she said, "I'm in deep trouble."

"You certainly are."

Wheedabyx came back in, then, looking disgusted, trailed by the thugs. Everybody ignored him. Leethe said, "Barney, I think it's worth the try. If Peg Briscoe is the hook that'll hold Freddie Noon to us, let's use it. If she isn't, let's find out now and go kidnap his mother next."

With a surprised laugh, Barney said, "Counselor, I'm beginning to rub off on you!"

"In for a penny," Leethe said. "Once she brought us to this police chief. . . . What happens when we leave here, Barney, and all these people start identifying us?"

"First they have to find us," Barney said. "Peg's the only one who knows who we are, and she isn't gonna tell, are you, Peg?"

"Not unless I can get away from you," Peg said, seeing nothing to be gained by trying to soft-soap these people. What she was up to would work, or it wouldn't work, that was all.

And Barney loved her answer. Laughing, he said, "That's right, Peg, not unless you get away from us, and that ain't about to happen." To Leethe he said, "Anyway, Counselor, I got my alibi all firmed up. Don't you have yours?"

"Not yet," Leethe said. He didn't look either happy or well.

"You'll be all right," Barney assured him, and turned back to Peg. "What's Freddie driving these days?"

"An orange Subaru station wagon. I bought it for him used."

Barney turned to Wheedabyx. "Chief, I need a phone for the lady, and an extension for me." He grinned at Peg. "Not that I don't trust you," he said.

52

Freddie was moping around the house, was what he was doing. He didn't feel like swimming in the pool, he didn't feel like watching a movie on the VCR, he didn't feel like sitting in the sun or in the shade or indoors or outdoors. He didn't feel like much of anything.

He had got dressed this morning, putting on summer shorts and a T-shirt and espadrilles, because we do spend most of our lives in clothing, so he just felt more comfortable that way. But no long sleeves, and no gloves, and no latex head, because who for? Not for himself. In those rare instances when he caught his own reflection, that passing image of the self-animated pale blue T-shirt and maroon shorts, in a mirror or a window or the face of the microwave, it just amused him. He kind of liked the look of himself in clothes; he thought it suggested something interestingly quirky about his personality.