Frederick Hamilton - Spare Key

‘Well, I was also pretty drunk last night.’

Not that you sound it bitch.

‘But he is a weirdo if you ask me,’ Sarah continued, ‘he’s pretty obsessed with you.’

Rachel ground her teeth a little, ‘Why? What did he do?’

‘Well first promise not to freak out. That you won’t do anything stupid.’

Rachel ground her teeth some more. Her hand was starting to cramp from how tight she was gripping the phone. ‘I promise. What’d he’d do?’

‘Well, it’s just that he kept asking questions about you. Stuff like whether you had a boyfriend and that. If you were close to your family, that sort of thing.’

‘What did you tell him?’ Rachel could feel a slight pulse beginning to beat at her temple. As the bitch hesitated she felt like roaring: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM?!!

She’s not a bitch. She’s your friend , the voice spoke up and Rachel caught herself just as she was about to let rip.

‘What did you tell him?’ she repeated through thin lips in a near whisper.

‘Well in all fairness I will say that I was really fucking drunk and, you know, I thought he was interested in you. Thought it’d be a good back up plan if Mitch didn’t work out.’

Like fuck you did , Rachel screamed in her head. She could feel her eyelid fluttering rapidly over her left eyeball but, despite her best efforts, couldn’t seem to stop it.

‘I sort of told him it all, you know. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It wasn’t like he was asking what sort of underwear you preferred or anything.’ Sarah’s voice dropped out for a second as Rachel focused on breathing in and out. When it came back it was a little more tentative. ‘Look, I’m sorry but seriously if you heard what I told him, you wouldn’t be at all pissed off. I only rang you because of what happened when you left.’

Rachel worked her jaw carefully for a moment before replying. The tension in her body was knotting her neck, clamping pain in a line that was spreading down her shoulder and radiating through her arm. ‘What happened?’

‘Well it was as soon as you and Mitch left. He just stood up and followed. I mean I was halfway through a sentence and just boom, he was on his way to the door. And he had this really intense look in his eyes you know.’ Sarah paused but Rachel didn’t trust herself not to scream at her. ‘But that’s not the really odd bit…’ Sarah paused again, ‘Are you alright? You sound like you’re hyperventilating or something.’

‘I’m fine. What happened?’ Rachel hissed it before she could stop herself. Sarah sounded far less certain of herself when her voice came back.

‘Well, as I was saying, I was fairly drunk at the time. And, well, all I can say is… well. I mean God it sounds ridiculous but he was pretty cute you know. I thought, after I saw you and Mitch getting along so well. I thought I’d… well it’d had been a while for me too you know. I thought I’d see if there was any interest.’

You fucking bitch of a lying slut. You were all over him the whole time, don’t try and justify it now.

‘You seemed pretty into him for most of the night from where I was sitting.’ It came out sounding really bitchy this time but Rachel was beyond caring. At this moment, she was so pissed off; she could happily see herself ruining their friendship forever. What did she fucking need her friends for anyway, they only fucking caused problems.

‘Did I?’ Sarah sounded offended now and the voice chirped up in Rachel’s head, laced with sarcasm. Wow, good job. Mission accomplished . ‘Are you pissed at me? I didn’t know you fancied him.’

‘I don’t. What happened?’ Rachel’s entire body was trembling now. She felt strangely light-headed despite her thumping headache. Was she going to pass out? Have an aneurysm?

‘Well…’ Rachel could just see Sarah toying with the idea of being a bitch and hanging up. She restrained from growling into the receiver: just fucking tell me . ‘Well, I was feeling good to go by the time you walked out, you know, and when he up and left, I was a bit offended too. I thought we were getting on pretty well and stuff. So I followed him. Pretty much threw myself at him outside the pub and that was when it got a little weirder.’

Rachel felt like shrieking laughter when it occurred to her what her friend’s problem was. He’d said no. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Come on be charitable , the voice spoke up again but Rachel was in no mood to listen to it. Sarah was a pretty vain woman. The sort that spent a lot on her body: gym memberships, facials, waxing, solariums. What a blow that would have been to her ego. Fucking bitch deserves it after how she was acting… Even as she thought it though, it segued into a more disturbing one. Why would he have said no? It wasn’t like the money hadn’t been spent well. In fact, thinking back, Rachel struggled to remember a time when anyone had said no to Sarah.

‘I got no reaction. Like none at all. I was pushing up against him and everything. It was like kissing a marble statue. I even accidentally grazed his penis. I admit I’m not the most subtle person when I’m drunk and there was zero reaction there. So I got a little shitty and I must admit, I started making a bit of a scene, but while I berated him, he just stood there and took it. He didn’t seem to be at all bothered. Sort of stone-faced and dreamy. Fortunately Ana heard me and came and got me before I did anything really dumb but just before she did, this smile spread across his face and it was so friggin’ freaky and when he talked it was just this stilted monotone. Shit, I couldn’t even attempt an impersonation. He just said: sorry you’re not my type, you don’t look like her”,’ Sarah stopped talking and barked a nervous laugh.

‘Shit, it doesn’t even sound that bad repeating it but I swear there was just something about the way he said it. Freaked the shit out of me.’

‘Okay.’ Rachel’s voice sounded dry and crackly to her ears. A new thought was growing and as she listened, she slowly, with a somnambulistic step, began to walk back to the bedroom.

‘… But I thought I should ring and tell you, you know, as he seemed rather caught up with you. I’m telling you he’s a freak.’

‘I know. It’s the main reason I didn’t want you to call him over last night if you recall.’ Rachel stopped dead as she reached the bed; its sheets still rumpled, and studied the glass.

‘Well I didn’t know, I was trying to do you a favour…’ Sarah’s voice was carrying an edge of righteous indignation that Rachel just couldn’t swallow at the moment. As her eyes locked on the faint smears at the bottom of the window, Rachel knew she had to get off the phone or she’d take it out on her friend.

‘I’ll have to call you back,’ she hissed and hung up without waiting for a reply.

For the longest second, she just stood there, her body quivering with rage, the shooting pains of cramp infusing her whole left side now.

Well mission accomplished, you’ve successfully pissed off your friend, the voice spoke up. What’s next on the agenda…

Rachel roared aloud in frustration, stopping the voice dead in its tracks as the irritations of the last week began to pour into her: her fucking broken car, the fucking tram trips, the fucking missing underwear, fucking Sarah, fucking Mitch not leaving a fucking note, the fucking pervert next door and his fucking staring, ruining her fucking night out, fucking Maree giving her shit at work, the fucking broken hot water service that she still hadn’t called the landlord about and now fucking this. He’d been again. She was certain of it, he’d been out there watching. He’d cleaned up or at least tried to but she could still see a few smears and it just made her so fucking angry. What fucking right did he have? He was just like all the other ones: the fucking inconsiderate pricks.