Edward Lee - Header 2

The shaggy man looked unimpressed. “Anything that puny ain’t gonna do the job. See, what I need is a movin’-picture camera, Veronnerka.”

The man’s accent was a riot. She giggled. “Why, I haven’t heard that term in years, Helton. What they’re called today are digital video cameras— ”

“And I’m gonna need me a dang good  one.”

Hmm. “Have you…owned a camera before?”

“Naw, I don’t know from such things. But I reckon I should ‘splain my sitcher-aye-shun, huh? See, I got me this…fella…who I gotta send some…movin’-pictures to.”

“Oh, you want to send videos to a friend.”

The looming man seemed to have some difficulty. “It’s very important…uh, family stuff.”

“Of course, Helton. Christmas movies of the family—”

Shaggy brows shot up. “Why, yeah, somethin’ like that. Sort’a. So’s…say I wanna leave a movie at this friend’s house, or maybe mail it to him, how do I do that, hon?”

Veronica picked up a typical mini-memory card. “Right here, Helton. You can put a beautiful high-rezz video on this card”—she moved over to the video cameras and picked up a Canon ZR900, demonstrating how the memory card fit into the slot—“then give it to your friend or mail it to him. Of course, it’s easier just to email him the vid file but…I’ve got a hunch you don’t own a computer.”

“Naw, naw, missy, I got no fancy fer such things, but…” Helton looked suspiciously at the tiny memory card. “You’re tellin’ me that a movin’-picture ’ll fit on that little thing there that ain’t the size’a my thumbnail?”

“Modern technology, Helton. This little card will store a 30-minute movie.”

Helton looked astonished. “Dang. Well, I guess that’s the ticket. Don’t know how many we’ll need—”

“For the Christmas movies.”

“Oh, yeah, right. The Christmas movies. Might have to make…a lot of ’em.”

Veronica tried to sound accommodating, all the while hoping she could sell him the Canon as well. It would up her weekly sales. “It’s what the season’s for—sharing your holiday joy with family and friends.”

Helton paused. “Yeah. And I guess I better be on the safe side. I’ll take twenny’a them little doohickeys.”

“ Twenty? ”

“You heard me, darlin’. Twenny.” But then he gave a coarse chuckle. “But a’course, now I needs ya to sell me a camera to go along with them li’l things!”

“This Canon right here”—she passed it to him—“is a perfect choice for your needs, and it’s less than $300.”

Helton’s giant hand dwarfed the digital camera. “Veronnerka, what’cha need ta know ’bout me is I’se the kind’a fella who don’t trust nothin’ he cain’t get both hands on. This camera? I don’t like it. It’s too puny. These movies I gotta make—they’re important. ”

“Of course, Helton.”

“So let’s not beat ’round the danged bush. I want the best camera ya got. ”

This is…weird, she thought. But what did she have to lose? If he was mentally ill or something, she’d have been able to discern that by now. Her hand landed on the Samsung High Def Hybrid. “This, Helton, might suit your needs quite well. But…it’s $850, and since I’m not sure what your budget is—”

Helton shook his head. “Naw. That ‘un’s too puny too.” His lips pursed. “Veronnerka. You tellin’ me that in all’a this big fancy store here, that’s the best camera you got? Hail, girl, ya got tv’s the size’a garage doors! Ya must have a camera bigger’n that. ”

Yeah, she thought, this is REAL weird. “All right, Helton. You asked for the best, I’ll show you the best.” She bent over, knowing that her cleavage was in full view. She unlocked the display cabinet and removed the Sony. It clunked when she set it down atop the counter.

“Dang!” Helton raved.

“This, Helton, is the Sony HVR-S27. It’s top of the line. It’s essentially identical to the cameras they use on television news shows, reality TV, soap operas—”

“That the dandiest camera I’se could ever imagine!”

“Lithium-ion battery, home-charger, car-charger, built in light and microphone.” Veronica splayed her hands over the device. “It’s everything you need.”

“Why, I’ll’se take it.”

“Actually, Helton, I haven’t told you the bad news yet.”

“Bad news? There ain’t no bad news. This here’s the ticket. Ring me up.”

She leaned over and whispered. “It’s $7500… ”

Helton shrugged, reaching back into a ruck sack pocket. “Like

I said, missy. Ring me up.”

Veronica stared. This is too good to be true. Maybe…Mike is playing a joke. Maybe he had this guy come in here to ACT like he’s buying the most expensive camera in the store, but when she looked up front, she saw Mike and Archie, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. They’re as surprised as I am…

“Check or charge, Helton?”

“What’s that, Veronnerka… Dang, that’s a purdy name.”

“Thank you, Helton.” She smiled. “But…how are you paying?”

Helton roared laughter. “How’s I payin’? With cash money, a’course! What’cha think?”

Veronica almost fell backward when she saw Helton’s thick fingers peeling brand-new $100 bills off a stack. Oh, well. She rang up the total.

Mike’s shoes snapped as he approached. “Can I help you, sir?”

Faster than immediately, Helton frowned. “Naw, fella. Veronnerka’s helpin’ me just fine, so’s you can shuffle on back to standin’ over there doin’ not much’a nothin’.”

Mike smiled tightly. “I’m the store manager, sir, and—wow—that’s a lot of cash. On cash purchases this large, the manager’s got to ring up the sale.”

“Well, shee-it, all right.” Another frown. Then, “Hey there, son! What’choo doin’ writin’ on them there bills?”

Mike wielded the fat pen. “Big bills like this, sir? I’ve got to check each one—it’s the new government counterfeiting law.”

Helton sourly responded, “Government, huh? Shee-it. Cain’t even pay with cash money without havin’ some government goat-rope ta go along with it.”

Mike examined a bill with an amazed scrutiny. “Uh, wow, sir. These are old bills but in mint condition… 1966… ” He chuckled. “Keep them in your mattress?”

Helton glared. “It’s my Maw’s money, boy”—then he stuck his big finger right in Mike’s face—“and where she keep it ain’t none’a yer business.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I was just joking.”

“Jokin’? Well, shee-it, fella. A joke’s s’posed ta be funny, ain’t that right, Veronnerka?” and then the mammoth man belted a laugh and slapped Mike hard on the back. Mike nearly went over the counter.

“It sure is, Helton,” Veronica said.

Mike coughed. “Well, sir, everything seems to be in order. Is there anything else you need today?”

“‘Sides you moseyin’ your slickster-lookin’ self out’ a here…why, I don’t know.” The shaggy face tuned to Veronica. “Veronnerka, anythin’ else you reckon I need to go along with my fancy movin’-picture camera?”

Veronica felt flushed from the monumental sale. “Um, well, a tripod would be very useful—”

“We have a great assortment, sir,” Mike barged in. “Would you like me to show you—”

The finger again. “What I’d like, son, is fer you ta disser-pear so’s I can finish my business with my friend Veronnerka. ” His gaze swivelled to her. “Ring me up for a tripod, missy—a good ‘un. That all?”