Amanda Bonilla - Shaedes of Gray - A Shaede Assassin Novel

“Is this better?” he said, his voice as cold as his laughter.

I wasn’t sure it was. Maybe it was better to be killed by an anonymous stranger than someone you’d known in the biblical sense . “What about you, Tyler?” I asked, letting my bravado wash any trace of fear from my voice. “Why stop now? Let’s get this all out in the open.”

Strong and proud in his crimson robe, he lifted his hands to the hood and pulled it back. I tried to suppress the tears pricking behind my eyes, but I was too late, and pain won out over strength.

“Tyler,” I implored.

He stared off into space, eyes straight ahead, seeming to focus on nothing, and his mouth curved up in a handsome, detached smile. The bile rose in my throat, burning, nearly choking me. The bear snarled from the center of the clearing, echoing my rage and frustration at being duped by someone I’d cared for.

“It’s almost time,” he said.

“You asshole,” I said through clenched teeth. “How could you do this to me?”

“The nine must be set free,” he said, cut-and-dried. “When day becomes night, you will turn stone to flesh and the Enphigmalé will be free.”

Anxious murmurs ran through the crowd of Lyhtans, and I sensed an escalation in their excitement. Azriel smiled.

“Looks like your army is assembled and ready to go to work,” I said in an effort to buy time. “What’s your plan? Kill me, bring these statues to life somehow, and make war with Xander?”

“Why stop there?” Azriel asked. “A wrong must be righted, and the Enphigmalé will claim their rightful place. The true natural order will be restored. We will hold dominion over every creature, including the humans. And those who have wronged us will die.”

“I’m going to kill you,” I said, my voice as calm as an ice-covered pond. “And I’m going to take my time.”

Azriel chuckled, replacing his hood—a little like re-wrapping a present, in my opinion—and stepped away from the dais to take his place beside the bower. A light breeze stirred the willowy green, leafy branches that swayed above his head, framing him like a living portrait.

The seconds ticked away inside me, and I looked to the sky. Sun and moon were nearly touching now. Inching together like lovers joining in slow motion, night and day would soon be one. I’d never believed in prophesies before, but as I watched the joining of heavenly bodies, I would never doubt one again.

Nine guardians chanted, oblivious to their surroundings, lost in the moment and the coming ritual like enthralled youngsters at their favorite concert.

The collective rasping breaths of the Lyhtans converged into a single sound, no longer seething and evil, but almost lulling, melodic. Nature thrived around me, the energy of many creatures swelled within me, and my death loomed before me. My eyes threatened to drift shut. I was so tired. So done with all of it. I wanted to sleep forever, to rid myself of all the emotion that seemed to be only a hindrance. Tyler had ruined me. I was irreparably damaged, and though I wanted to hate him with everything I was worth, the pain of his betrayal tore at me like barbed hooks in my heart.

As if the eclipse took place within my own body, I felt the moon begin to pass over the sun. I became hot and cold all at once. Every cell within me tingled. And the change I had felt coming throughout my days of imprisonment swirled within me, bringing me close to fainting. A surge of energy flowed through me and I lurched, arching my back against the moss-covered dais.

Tyler went down on his knees. I felt his once-cool breath now warm on my face, and I turned away, forbidding myself from taking in a single detail of the features I had grown to cherish. “I love you,” he whispered, though he still refused to look directly at me. His cold, indifferent stare seemed to pass right through me, as if I were invisible. The sob I tried to suppress broke free from my throat. I shook my head in denial.

“Your soul was the blackest hole until you met me. Admit it, Darian. You didn’t know love until I showed it to you.”

I shook my head and bit down hard on the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t be tempted to answer. Fresh blood welled up in my mouth, and I gagged as it trickled down my throat.

“Your love will free them. And your blood. You have to understand.”

“Tyler,” I gasped, desperate to shake him out of whatever influence held him. “You don’t kill someone you love to bring something evil to life. These creatures are pure hate—I can feel it. How can love breed something like that?”

He kissed the top of my forehead, and I recoiled. It felt wrong somehow, that physical contact. “Don’t do this,” I said, pulling against my bonds. “Please, Ty, you don’t have to follow through with this.”

“Say you love me,” he said. “Let it flow through you, Darian. You can’t fight this any longer. Say it.”

I shook my head. He knew what he’d done to me. As sly as any hunter, he’d crept undetected beneath my skin. I took a deep breath, desperate to inhale the sweet smell of him, but the scent was gone, drowned in a sea of Lyhtan stench.

The teens continued to chant, and one by one they left their posts beside the gargoyles, falling into a single-file procession, walking clockwise around the grassy clearing to end at my feet.

Tyler placed lazy kisses along my forehead before running his fingers through my knotted hair. He hushed and soothed me, and the soft, chanting voices of the teens comforted me. The moon continued its path before the sun, and the light slowly seeped away like water sucking down a dark drain, to bathe us in a gray combination of both.

Pulses like the ticking of time pounded in my chest. I felt every fraction of every second and fought again against the eclipse of my own soul.

“Say you love me, and I’ll end it quickly,” Tyler crooned. “Isn’t that love, Darian? Sparing you from further pain? Say the words and it will all be over.”

The moon moved its last little bit, passing completely in front of the sun. A halo of light shone out from the empty black disk, and I knew I would never be the same. Why not say it? I was tired of this existence, tired of pretending I didn’t care about anything. The gray had swallowed me whole, and I yearned for a little clarity. Black, white, light, dark. I no longer craved obscurity. I could try to lie to him all I wanted, but I could no longer lie to myself.

“I love you, Tyler,” I said through my tears. “Damn you to hell for making me love you.”

Chapter 27

Another pulse of energy rocked my body. Tyler looked to the sky and pulled a shining, blue-steel dagger from the folds of his robes. With surgical precision, he sliced one and then my other wrist. I didn’t feel a thing; my circulation had been cut off from the rope that held me down. A sliver of red flashed against my skin before pouring from the cuts.

My captors, the creepy poster children for birth control, broke their ranks and split to either side of me, filling the bowls with the blood that carried some magical connection to my heart. Not the beating lump of flesh that pumped the sticky red stuff from my wrists. But the essence of every feeling, every emotion that resided in the secret parts of me that I had hidden away for so long.

Tyler walked around the dais and knelt near my shoulder. I turned and stared straight into his eyes, hoping he saw the defiance burning in my own. Again his gaze seemed to pass right through me. He brushed his lips against my forehead one last time, and I screamed with as much force as I could muster. Thrump-thump, thrump-thump , the soft pounding of my heart echoed in my ears, and the blood gushed in rhythm with each pumping sound. My eyes drooped as I focused on the beat, like the new internal ticking that marked the passage of time inside me, and I felt a surge of peace. I floated in nothingness for a brief and pleasurable moment. I wondered if I’d go to heaven when I died. No tunnel of heavenly light appeared to welcome me. I was more than likely headed somewhere considerably warmer. I didn’t bother atoning for my sins. What was done was done, and it was too late to consider making amends with God or anyone else.