Joe Lansdale - Hyenas

“My name is Kelly Smith. I want to hire you.” He was looking at Leonard when he said it.

“Hire me?” Leonard said. “What for? You like to take beatings?”

“Nothing like that. I have this problem. That’s why I was at the bar.”

“Drinking problem?” I said.

“No,” he said, looking at me. “And who are you?”

“A friend,” I said.

He nodded, spoke to Leonard. “Could we talk private?”

“You got something to say, say it,” Leonard said. “Me and Hap can hear it together and no one will cry. We’re not criers.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “There was that movie. You know the one.”

“Oh, The Last Airbender ,” Leonard said. “Yeah. That sucked. That could make anyone cry. And what was up with that Three-D? It should have been in Smell-o-vision.”

Kelly stood there while we went through our act. When we finished he said, “What I need is someone to do something tough that’s a little against

the law.”

“How little?” Leonard asked.

“Well,” he said, “maybe a lot more than a little.”

WE WENT TO a coffee place and got a table near the back wall. There was music playing, and there were a few people at tables, and a nice looking woman in very short shorts came in. Never been a fan of the heat, but for some things, you had to love summer.

Leonard said, “Hap, pay attention.”

“Right with you,” I said.

“I’ll tell Brett,” he said.

“I’m back, just watching the scenery, not trying to move it around.”

Kelly had been looking at her too. Now he looked at us. He said, “I wasn’t really with those guys last night.”

“Sure looked a lot like you,” Leonard said.

“I know,” Kelly said. “I meant they aren’t friends.”

“You fought like they were your buddies,” Leonard said.

“We didn’t fight well,” he said. “You kind of walked through us.”

“I staggered a little,” Leonard said. “That chair hurt.”

“You went down and you came up like a jack in the box,” Kelly said. “When you did that, I thought you were fucking Dracula.”

“Actually, I would have been Blacula. Ever see that old movie?”

Kelly shook his head.

“Never mind,” Leonard said. “Look, it’s nice, you buying us coffee and a Danish—”

“I’m having an apple fritter,” I said.

“Okay,” Leonard said. “Danish and fritters, but if you’ve got something to say besides I’m sorry and let me buy you coffee, then let’s move on. Me and Hap are busy men. We got places to go, things to do, and people to see.”

“Not really,” I said. “Our day is pretty open.”

Leonard gave me a sour face.

“I’ll pay you to help me out,” Kelly said.

“We talking about moving a piano?” Leonard said.

“No,” he said. “We’re talking about maybe you having to rough someone up.”

“First off,” Leonard said. “Why? And how much?”

“It’s my brother, Donnie. He’s in deep doo-doo,” Kelly said.

“What kind of doo-doo?” I asked.

“He got in with these fellas that rob armored cars,” Kelly said.

We all sat there for a moment and let that statement hang between us like a carcass.

“This is starting to sound like doo-doo that’s too deep,” I said.

“It’s deep all right,” Kelly said. “He’s only twenty-one. Good kid, really.”

“Except for wanting to rob an armored car,” I said. “I would consider that possibly a blemish on his character.”

Kelly nodded.

I said, “He’s twenty-one, you’re like, what thirty? You guys are some years apart, aren’t you?”

“Thirty-one, and yeah, he was like a surprise,” Kelly said. “Dad wasn’t all that good about hanging around anyway, but that little surprise, Donnie, it was more than he could handle. He took the car out for an oil change, and just kept going.”

“So what’s this got to do with me?” Leonard asked.

“You know that robbery took place in LaBorde last year, the armored car guards at the bank?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Leonard said. “They got the guards when they were transporting the money out of the bank to the truck. Just walked up with masks on and had guns and locked the guards in the back of the truck. It was maybe, what, two hundred thousand dollars they got?”

“About four hundred thousand,” Kelly said. “They must have had someone waiting that drove up, picked them up and took them away. No one knows. All they know is they were there with Halloween masks on one minute, then they had the money, and then they were gone. That was it. Took the guard’s guns and put the guards in the back of the armored car and put plastic cuffs on them. Fastened one cuff to their left ankle, one to their right wrist. Then had them put an arm behind their back and fixed it there and pulled the plastic down to the other ankle, linked it from behind. That way they couldn’t move well, damn sure couldn’t run.”

“That’s cute,” I said.

“Was your brother one of them?” Leonard asked.

“No, but I think he’s about to be.”

“And, pray tell, why do you think that?” I asked.

“Because in his room he’s got some articles about the heist,” he said.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Leonard said. “Hap has books about Satan, but he ain’t a Satanist. At least, as far as we know.”

“Those damn books and that rap music,” I said. “They can change a man.”

Kelly ignored me. Sometimes it’s all you can do. He said, “Yeah, but Donny, he has these friends come around, and they lock themselves in the back room for hours. I know they’re smoking dope. I can smell it. But what I really worry about is I think these friends are the robbers and they want to pull my brother in.”

“That’s a big guess,” I said. “Any reason to have it?”

“These guys, they’re a real tough bunch,” Kelly said. “And as you can tell, I’m not so tough.”

“You take a good fall, though,” Leonard said.

“You still don’t have any serious reason we should believe your brother is about to be part of a robbery.”

“I heard them talking. I was sort of sneaking around, and I heard them say they needed a driver. The guy talking was the one Donny calls Smoke Stack. That’s the name they all call him. I guess cause he smokes all the time. I don’t allow it in the house, but he smokes anyway. I asked him not to once, and he just lit up and smiled at me, went in the back room with Donny. Hell, even Donny is tougher than me. He grew up different. He grew up tough. I can almost guarantee you these guys are going to rob another armored car, and they’re going to pull Donny into it.”

“Still a little lame,” I said. “But, if you think you got something, go to the police. We know the chief over there. I’m not sure he likes us, but he did get some humor out of the photos of your buddy with his head through the sheet rock. So right this minute, he sees Leonard as a comedian.”

“I go to the police, they’re going to run Donny in, and he’s a good kid, really. He was living at home, and our Mom died. A heart attack. She was overweight, didn’t take care of herself. Went to hell after our dad ran off with another woman and went up North somewhere. She died, I moved back home. But I wasn’t able to do it right away. I had a job in Austin, and I had to find another one up this area. I work at the University, doing janitor work.”

“What did you do before?” I asked.

“I was a computer specialist, and I made half a mil a year. Now, I got just enough to buy gas for the car and bread for the table. I kind of thought Donny wasn’t doing so good and needed me here. Last time I saw him, before Mom died, I could tell he was making some bad decisions. But the bottom line is these friends of his. I don’t like them, and I’m sure they’re the guys.”