Beverly Barton - Paladin's Woman

Chapter 14

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Addy had not left her father's side since the night Dina Lunden died, and Nick had kept watch over them both. Absorbing everything that had happened and coping with the aftereffects was something the three of them were going through together. Nick hadn't felt such a strong sense of family since he and Miguel were boys. The McConnells had taken him into their lives and into their hearts, and it was just where he wanted to be. But in the aftermath of the horror they'd endured, Nick began having doubts about the future.

He had finally admitted to himself and to Addy that he loved her. And he did. He loved her so much it hurt, but was he good enough for her? Was he worthy of her love and trust? He was a hard-living, cynical, self-centered SOB. She was a gentle, caring, giving woman. And she was a wealthy woman, heir to a multimillion-dollar empire. He had about a hundred thousand stashed away for a rainy day, but he could hardly offer Addy the lifestyle to which she was accustomed.

Guilt riddled his insides like a spray of buckshot. He blamed himself for the nightmare Addy had endured at Brett Windsor's hands. He had suspected the guy was capable of doing practically anything for money, but he'd allowed his past relationship with Dina to blind him to the possibility that she was an accomplice. Damn, he felt like a fool and could only imagine how Rusty McConnell felt. Addy's father had fallen in love with Dina and brought her into their lives. He had to feel guilty as hell.

Nick kept reliving the evening at the hospital when he'd left Addy in Alan Sturges's care. He'd had no idea he was risking Addy's life by trusting someone else to keep her safe. As long as he lived, he would hear Elizabeth Mallory's warning just before he and Addy had left Sequana Falls. Keep her guarded every moment. If only he had listened to that warning, Brett Windsor would never have gotten to Addy, would never have put her through a living hell.

When Addy had needed him most, he had let her down. It was his fault that she'd almost died—that she'd come so close to being blown into a zillion pieces. Just the thought of it gave him cold sweats. He should have realized the NASP contract was nothing more than a red herring, which would have ruled out Gerald Carlton. And he should have realized sooner that Ron Glover might be devious enough to plot Addy's kidnapping, but he wasn't smart enough to plan it. If he'd known Janice Dixon better, he would have known she loved her cousin and uncle far too much to have done anything to harm them.

Dina. Damn the woman! And bless her, too. He had to give her credit. When it came right down to it, she hadn't been able to turn a blind eye and let Brett kill Addy. If Dina hadn't finally admitted the truth to Rusty, then Nick had no idea what would have happened. Rusty and Dina's arrival at Elm Hill, along with Ned Johnson and his FBI agents, had put an end to Brett's evil plans.

And there was one thing Nick knew for sure—he owed his life to Dina. She'd taken the bullet that had been meant for him. Maybe it had been her way of trying to make amends, her final chance for forgiveness. It seemed wrong, somehow, that a woman as vibrantly alive as Dina should have died so tragically. But if she had lived, what would the future have held for her? Prison? After all, she'd been an accomplice to two kidnappings and two murders.

"Almost everybody's gone." Addy stood in the doorway of her father's den. "Janice and Ron are still here, and as usual he's moody and surly."

"How's Rusty? He seemed to hold up all right during the funeral."

"I haven't seen him so unhappy and sad since—since Mother died. It'll take him quite a while to get over Dina, especially her betrayal."

"Rusty's tough. He'll bounce back eventually. Who knows, he might even fall in love again."

"Ginger's with him now. She's fixed him a plate, and they're sitting in the kitchen eating. She cares about Daddy, and—and I think she's good for him." Addy entered the den, hesitating slightly before moving to Nick's side. "Don't you want something to eat?" She slipped her arm through his.

He stiffened. He didn't deserve her love. His stupidity had almost cost her her life. "I'll eat later."

"I know the funeral was as difficult for you as it was for Daddy." Addy ran the tips of her fingers down Nick's arm until she reached his hand. She laced her fingers through his. "Dina was the first woman you ever loved."

He squeezed her hand with such force that she cried out. "I'm sorry." Loosening his grip, he tried to pull away, but Addy wouldn't let go of his hand.

"It's all right that you loved her, Nick. Stop hating yourself because you cared about Dina, because you didn't think she was capable of the things she and Brett did. Daddy loved her. He trusted her. Even I never once considered Dina a suspect." Knowing that Nick was eaten alive with guilt, Addy longed to help him forgive himself for being human enough to make mistakes.

"You'll never be able to forget what happened, and neither will I," Nick said, refusing to look at her, afraid he wouldn't be able to resist the love and understanding he'd see in her green eyes.

"No, we'll never forget, but in time—"

Nick brought Addy's hand to his lips, brushing tender kisses across her knuckles. "I let you down, Red. It was my fault that Windsor got to you. If I had done my job, you would have been safe."

She reached out, covering his cheek with her open palm. "Stop beating yourself up. If anyone is to blame, it's me for being foolish enough to sneak away to the elevator. I realized my mistake on the way down to the lobby, but by then it was too late. Brett was there waiting for me."

Nick jerked her into his arms, his dark eyes searching her face. "When I think about what could have happened."

"It didn't happen." Addy spread her arms around his waist, holding him tight. "You figured out where Brett had taken me. You rescued me, saved me, just as I knew you would. Haven't you figured it out, yet, Nick Romero? You're my knight in shining armor."

"Some knight! I'm afraid my armor is tarnished, Red. You've built me up into something I'm not. You think I'm so wonderful, such a damned hero, when all I am is an over-the-hill ex-SEAL and ex-DEA agent. A guy who's been everywhere, done everything and seen too much of the sick, evil, dark side of life."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying so hard to convince me what a bad guy you are?"

"Because I am a bad guy, Red." Shoving her out of his arms, he turned his back on her. "I can't possibly live up to the image you have of me." He walked toward the windows, stopping to stare sightlessly out onto the lawn. "Remember the man you met at Rusty and Dina's engagement party? You didn't like that man, Addy. You weren't impressed with him at all. Well, I'm still that same man."

"Yes, I suppose you are." Addy couldn't bear to think that she would lose him, but she could feel him slipping away from her. "I was wrong about you, though. There's a lot more to Nick Romero than his Latin lover-boy charm."

"Is there?" Nick had to make her realize that he wasn't in her league. She was head and shoulders above him, a woman who deserved only the best, and he didn't even come close. "You know what my SEAL buddies called me? Romeo. And believe me, I lived up to my nickname."

"I suppose I should be jealous of all those women, and I guess I am a little, but I'm also grateful to them." Smiling, Addy touched him on the shoulder. He cocked his head sideways so he could see her. "All that practice has made you a wonderful lover."

How the hell could she joke about it? He'd thought that reminding her of his past would make her see what poor husband material he'd make. "You just plain refuse to see me as I really am. You've created some fantasy man." He walked away from her. "I'll disappoint you, Red. I'll let you down. I'm no good at this commitment business."