Anne Rice - Servant of the Bones

comes out of the marrow & yawns—

how keep head up the scream

& up the burial where the pattern is born—

how the leagues washing their hearts

& wrung dry only to sponge back up—men

smooching mirrors—blades honing—

tongue & eyelash of Sweet Thing

staggering the shape by the door in the baggy shadow—

how keep dark back?

Or should one bullet-forth, sleek-clothed or naked—pierce

each entity—each clock—sharpened by art

or wine—how

enter the needle, the cloth—

how take the pattern any man suffers

and lose nothing when you

rip it off.

Stan Rice, Some Lamb 1975

14

Follow me now, if you will, into consciousness.

Evals in the bright winter light of day. See how they shine. That’s how I first knew them. This was a joke to them because evil was their word for bad, and their names were Eval. Three brothers out of Texas hired to kill the rich girl.

Down the crowded avenue, in a bath of noonday sun they walked, jostling each other, laughing, passing the cigarette, bold and hot for the kill. How they loved to look at themselves in the mirrors of shops, and this was New York, the biggest city in the world, the only city these Evals cared about, except for Las Vegas, where they will go with their earnings after they’ve “taken her out,” which in their vernacular meant kill her.

They weren’t never going back to Texas. Who knew what jobs “the man” might have for them? But first they had to kill her dead.

I could feel their easy malice, even as purely as they felt it—Billy Joel Eval in the lead, with the gun in his pocket and also the long sharp pick, such a cruel pick with a rounded blade of steel. And Doby Eval right behind with Hayden Eval “sucking hind teat,” they taunted him, and all of them had those sharp weapons, long picks made of steel, oh, so ready to kill her but who was she?

There had to be a reason for my seeing this, there had to be a reason that I stood in the city of New York, breathing in the smells of New York as if I were alive, and visible, when I was neither, only knowing what a genii always knows…that he has been called again to duty, that once again his eyes and his mind have opened on a blazing and vital world.

You know how rebellious I was, I’ve told you, how indifferent, how perfectly willing to cut to pieces a despicable master. But what was happening here?

Loathing these rustic monsters was easy enough. I walked right by them! I saw them up close in their city-drab disguise, in quilted jackets of nylon and ragged cotton pants, machine-made shoes full of nails and hooks for the strings. Billy Joel couldn’t wait to see her, couldn’t wait to get close to her, and only Hayden held back, scared to tell his brother he didn’t like it so much, killing this girl. If only they had known who paid them.

Who had paid them? “A man through a man through a man,” said Doby Eval, “as if you can’t figure that out?”

Suddenly I felt my feet hit the pavement. But I was too transparent for anyone else to see, gathering slowly, trailing them, coming up so close on them now that they might have looked back and seen me, if anyone could, and I wasn’t sure anyone could.

“Who is commanding me?” I whispered. I felt my lips move. The crowd was as thick on this city street as any I’d ever beheld, and the wealth was closing in around me as if this were the marketplace of Babylon on the New Year, or the bazaars of Baghdad or Istanbul.

Through plate glass I saw the faceless white plastic goddesses of fashion in their magnificent fringe and fur, shine of true rubies, magical slippers made of thin steel straps to bind the foot fetchingly.

And all this with no explanation.

Well, you know me well enough by now, the sensualist I am.

Hand me the world in a cup and I’ll drink it.

But this killing of the girl, this had to be stopped.

I closed in on them, walked among them, but still they couldn’t see me, though I was feeling the shape of my body, the heat of it, the growing density. Yes, I was here all right, this was no garbled hideous phantasm in the wind.

There came the heat of the sidewalk beneath me, and something like the thud of my own feet in leather shoes, just make them plain like theirs. I knew the stench came from the engines in the street, and when I looked up, I saw the towers reaching the noonday clouds, yet lights blazing everywhere, in windows, behind written signs, all fueled by electricity.

What a modern world this was—teeming with the rich—what a city this was with the humpback dwarf and the cripple lurching past me, both wearing fine clothes and gold, and the screeching woman on the corner, long gone mad, ripped open a blouse of pure silk to show her breasts. Someone pushed her off the curb. Hordes of young men in severe dark suits, each with a tie at the neck of his shirt, walked fast and with purpose, though obviously all disconnected, separate, not even glancing at one another.

The Evals laughed.

“Oh, I’m telling you, this is one hell of a place, this New York, I’m telling you, just look at her, did you see that? Now, you know this broad we’re taking out, she’s not crazy like that, no way, now you do what I said…”

“Do what you said,” cursed the brother Hayden.

I was neck and neck with them, I could smell their sweat and the cheap soap they had used to wash half of it away, and I could smell their guns, but that wasn’t the way, the gun, the bullet, the explosion—I tried to learn it all as quickly as I could—they would use the sharp-pointed picks that each carried under his clothes.

“Why do you do this to her?”

I must have spoken aloud, because Billy Joel stopped, right shoulder jerking up, mouth pulled down on the ends as he stared at Hayden, and then told him, “Will you shut up, you son of a bitch, come on now, I’m telling you we couldn’t have gotten out of here any way but this way.”

“Sure and we do her and then we just run, just run, like little kids, just run!” said Hayden, shoving his brother with his left hand in the middle of the back, so the brother Billy Joel said, “You lay off, look, you son of a bitch, you see it, you see it, Doby, she’s in that goddamn car, that’s her car, look at that car.”

The three came together, and I fell back, invisible still but totally formed or perhaps I should say conformed to the look of men around me.

I wanted to see her, this girl they meant to kill with their evil picks, as they ambled and danced now, letting the crowd stream past them, nudging each other to stop, there she was! The time had come.

Look. See the long black limousine by the curb, and the driver with his white hair opening the door for her?

Esther. Hair a mantle of dark curls, jet-black hair, as black as mine, and her eyes larger, and the whites of them were so shiny they looked as if they were made of pearls, and her long white throat bare to the swell of her breasts beneath a painted coat, a coat painted with the stripes of an animal not to look like the animal itself but to look like the painted stripes of one.

She didn’t even notice them, these three common and visible terrors who were going to “take her out.” The crowd shifted and broke to make an uneven path for her.

“What am I to do?” I whispered. “Stop this? Why is she to die, for what?” I didn’t want to witness it.

She pushed wide the glass doors of the shop and passed inside, with the throng so thick that five people must have followed her before the Evals made their way in, and now they knew they were in trouble.

“Jesus, do we have to do it in here?”

By that Hayden meant that this was a palace of goods, a treasure house of furs and veils, of leathers dyed in all colors, and perfume rising from the glass tables as if from altars.