Radclyffe - Honor Guards

"I'm sorry," Cam said quietly.

Blair stopped abruptly, the coffee carafe in her hand poised over the glazed blue mug that sat alone in the middle of the white tiled counter. "Which part of all of this is keeping you awake at night?" What is tearing you apart?

A muscle in Cam's jaw jumped.

"We haven't talked about what we'll do if the tests come back positive," Blair said evenly as she poured the coffee and then passed the mug to her lover. "We haven't talked about the fact that sooner or later, I'm likely to develop breast cancer." She met Cam's eyes, her own sad. "I haven't asked you what this is doing to you. I'm sorry."

"Blair—" Cam said, starting to rise.

"No." Blair held up a hand. "Stay on the other side of the counter. Something happens to my reason when you touch me."

Although her eyes were dark, Cam's lips twitched in a fleeting grin. Then she took a long breath as concern eclipsed the humor in her expression. "If the tests come back negative, then it won't be much different for you than for any other woman, right? Breast cancer is something we all have to think about. You'll just have to be vigilant—self-examination, routine mammograms, checkups with the doctor—SOP."

Silently, Blair nodded, watching Cam's face intently. Cam was so very good at being strong. It wasn't an act. But sometimes, that strength shadowed her pain so well that even Blair could miss it.

"And if the tests come back positive," Cam continued steadily, "we'll do whatever you decide."

"You know what the recommendations are if I have the gene, don't you?"

"Yes." For the last day and a half, when she hadn't been working, Cam had been reading everything she could find on the Internet about breast cancer. She understood that with Blair's family history, if her lover turned out to have the gene for breast cancer, the likelihood was extremely high that she would develop the disease—possibly an aggressive form—before her fortieth birthday. She understood, too, that many authorities recommended bilateral mastectomies to prevent that. "I know about the surgery."

"How would you feel if I decided to do that?"

"Is that what you want to do?"

Blair shook her head. "You're so damn good at taking care of me that sometimes I don't even realize it. I want to know how you feel." For the first time, she reached across the counter and took Cam's hand, linking their fingers. "Let me be the comfort for you that you are for me."

In a gesture so rare that Blair's heart turned over, Cam broke eye contact and lowered her head. With a trembling hand, she covered her eyes.

"Oh God," Blair uttered, moving quickly around the counter. She wrapped her arms around Cam's shoulders and with one hand, guided Cam's face against her breasts. She kissed the top of her lover's head. "Sweetheart, it's okay."

Eyes tightly closed, Cam held on, her fingers spread over the strong muscles of Blair's back. "I don't know what to do. I can't stand to think of anything hurting you."

The words came so quietly that Blair had to strain to hear them. Cam's heart thundered against her, and she felt the tension ripple through Cam's body. "Nothing is hurting me now." She spread her fingers into the thick hair at the back of Cam's neck and gently tugged her head back. The anguish in Cam's eyes brought a flood of tears to her own. "If I need to have the surgery, I can handle the pain. I'm pretty sure I can even handle the...results." She brushed at Cam's hair with her fingertips. "I don't think I can stand it if it changes anything between us."

Swiftly, Cam surged upright, bringing their bodies into full contact, her arms still tight around Blair's waist. "There is nothing that will ever change how much I love you." She kissed Blair tenderly, but her body trembled with fierce urgency. When she drew her mouth away, she whispered hoarsely, "Not one scar, not two, not a hundred will ever make you less beautiful to me."

Blair pressed her face to Cam's neck, sliding her hands beneath Cam's jacket, fitting herself to every inch of her lover's body. Voice muffled, she murmured, "I need you so much."

"I need you, too." Cam kissed the wisps of hair at Blair's temple. "I should've stayed with you this weekend."

"I know. We'll figure out how to make this work." Having Cam next to her, sensing their love healing their shared pain, Blair felt her heart lift. With a small laugh, she added, "But at least I got work done."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. " Cam eased a hand under Blair's T-shirt and dipped her fingers beneath the back of Blair's jeans circling her fingertips in the small hollow at the base of Blair's spine.

"Mmm." Blair kissed Cam's neck, then the undersurface of her jaw, then a spot just below her ear. She smiled when Cam's heartbeat raced hard against her breast. Thighs pressed tightly to Cam's, she leaned back in her arms. "I missed you, though."

"Did you?" Cam shifted until her thigh rested between Blair's. "Did you suffer?"

"Sexual frustration can be sublimated, you know." Blair gripped Cam's shirt and pulled it from her trousers, then walked her fingers up Cam's bare abdomen. The muscles twitched beneath her fingertips and her own stomach clenched. "I got a lot of work done."

Cam's vision wavered. With the sudden swell of desire came the crushing need to keep Blair close, safe, hers. It took every ounce of Cam's willpower to fight back the aching urge to strip down, tear apart-— destroy— every single barrier that threatened to separate them. Their clothing was the most accessible, but it was the intangible, the things she couldn't get her hands around or her body in front of, that were driving her crazy. Rumor, innuendo, public opinion—if those things weren't amorphous enough—now the specter of a lethal killer inside her lover's body stalked her waking and sleeping moments.

"Jesus, Cameron, you're shaking all over." Passion gave way to concern, and Blair pulled away a fraction.

"No," Cam protested. "Please, don't go."

"Oh, darling," Blair soothed, stroking Cam's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere." She reached behind her and found Cam's hand, folding tightly as she stepped back another pace. "Come into the bedroom. I need to hold you. I need you to hold me."

Mutely, Cam followed, needing only the touch of this one woman's hand to center her universe.

Standing in a shaft of sunlight by the side of the bed, they undressed slowly, no urgency now, only peace. Blair pulled back the sheet, slipped beneath, and held it open for her lover to join her. Facing each other, bodies lightly touching, they kissed again. A soft sigh, a quiet moan, the thunder of two hearts beating as one drifted on the air. Hot skin, tight muscles, and the wonder of passion made flesh united heart and soul. Devotion, desire, the sweet ache of need shimmered as blue eyes met gray.

"Touch me," .Blair whispered against Cam's lips, smoothing her fingers down Cam's abdomen and between her legs. She waited until Cam mirrored her before gliding her fingers through the waiting warmth, pausing for a heartbeat as Cam's hips lifted into her palm. The answering brush of Cam's hand over her clitoris nearly made her come, and she clung to sanity with a thread. "Fill me now...as much as you can."

Dizzy with the scent and sensation of Blair's arousal, Cam slipped inside as Blair echoed the movement. Instantly, her orgasm surged, and she stiffened, struggling to stem the tide of pleasure already loosed. When Blair withdrew and then pushed deeper, she couldn't hold on. Shuddering beneath the onslaught rising from her depths, Cam felt Blair pulse around her fingers. Her lover's cry of release triggered another peak and she buried her face in the curve of Blair's neck, sobbing softly.