Radclyffe - Honor Guards

"You can close your gown now," Dr. Saunders said as she stepped back. She waited for Blair to retie the paper strips that held the gown closed before she continued. "You have a one-centimeter density in the upper outer quadrant of your left breast."

Blair's face registered no change. Cam's stomach turned over, but she forced herself to listen.

"It's in an area of the breast where many women your age normally have unusually dense tissue. However, this is a discrete mass and warrants further evaluation."

"What kind of evaluation?" Blair asked in a low, controlled tone.

"The mammogram, first of all. I want to be sure there aren't any other abnormalities that I can't feel."

The doctor's tone was matter-of-fact and straightforward. Nothing she'd said so far surprised Blair. She'd known from the first instant that what she felt in her breast was not her imagination. She had read about the disease, lectured about the disease, and lived through it, even though at the time of her mother's illness, she had not understood all the nuances of treatment. "And then?"

"Assuming that nothing else shows up on the films, that area needs to be biopsied."

As Dr. Saunders spoke, Cam stepped around her and moved to Blair's side. She rested her hand at the small of Blair's back; on top of the baby-blue paper gown. Beneath her fingers, she felt her lover tremble. Cam asked quietly, "What if the mammogram is normal? Does she still need the biopsy?"

"Good question," Dr. Saunders replied. "The answer is yes, because a mammogram is not 100 percent accurate. Even if it's normal, in the presence of a discrete palpable mass, a biopsy is still indicated." She looked from Cam to Blair. "I could do a needle, aspiration biopsy here in the office. It's simple and relatively painless. The problem is it will only sample a small portion of the mass. If it comes back normal, we can't be sure that there isn't an adjacent area of abnormality which the needle biopsy missed."

Blair didn't hesitate. "I want it out. All of it."

"Very well," the surgeon said. "I'll arrange for the mammogram this afternoon to be certain that there are no problems in the rest of the breast or the right side. We'll plan on an open biopsy of the left breast at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. I'll need to make a small incision directly over the lesion. You'll be sedated, but not completely anesthetized. The incision will be about an inch long. It will leave a scar, but it shouldn't be too noticeable given time."

"Yes. That's fine."

For the first time, Dr. Saunders looked the slightest bit uneasy. "Ms. Powell, would you like me to brief your father?"

Blair met the surgeon's eyes. "I'd rather he not know right now."

After a second's hesitation, the surgeon nodded. "If you leave your phone number with my secretary, I'll call you as soon as I've reviewed the mammogram. Someone will be by in just a few minutes to give you instructions regarding the surgery tomorrow and to take you to radiology. Do either of you have any questions?"

"No. Thank you," Blair said quietly.

Cam shook her head.

"I'll speak to you later then."

As soon as Dr. Saunders left, Blair let out a long breath and leaned into Cam's side. "Well."

Cam wrapped her arm around Blair's shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

"I guess so. It's what I expected." Blair closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to Cam's chest. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me, too," Cam whispered.

Renee glanced around the still-unfamiliar apartment. Like Stark, it was neat and tidy. And like her, here and there were surprising touches of sweetness. A hand-embroidered pillow on the sofa bearing the words "Home is where the heart is." It looked like something done by a grade-schooler, and Renee was willing to bet it was a gift from some friend or family member. The fact that Stark actually kept it out was testament to how tender at heart she was. A small, carefully tended aquarium filled with colorful fish sat on an ornate pedestal table in one corner of the room. A list of specific instructions as to the care and feeding of the inhabitants sat nearby with an assortment of food and medicinal agents. Obviously, some friend or neighbor looked after them when Stark was away on assignment. For some reason, the touching attention that Stark paid to these small creatures stirred Renee's heart.

You are such a sweetheart God, how did I ever find you?

As if in answer, Renee's cell phone rang and the readout indicated it was Stark. With a quick smile, Renee answered. "Hey! I was just thinking of you,"

"How you doing? Are you home?"

Home. Renee glanced around the apartment. She'd unpacked the suitcases she'd brought from her sister's. There was very little else of hers in the apartment, other than a few books that she'd acquired during her convalescence. Is that what this is? Home? Am I ready for that?

"I just got in," Renee said quickly. "How about you?"

"I'm at the hotel. Probably in for the night."

"How long will you be there?"

"I'm not sure," Stark said pensively. "For some reason, we're in an information blackout. I don't even know what we're doing in the morning. The commander is assembling the first team at 0530 for a briefing."

"Just the first team?" Renee asked curiously. "That's not SOP, is it?"

"No. Usually the whole team gets briefed on the complete itinerary and schedule for several days in advance." Stark was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "We spent all afternoon at Walter Reed. Just the first team."

Renee inhaled sharply in surprise. "Blair?"

"Yeah."

"Oh God."

"Yeah," Stark agreed glumly. "I have no idea what's going on, but it can't be good if we had to rush down here for...something."

"What about the commander?" Renee asked, thinking how much she liked both women and how much they had already been through.

"Same as always, totally in control. Except...! don't know, she looks...too controlled, you know? Like something might crack."

"Yes." Renee slumped onto the couch and leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling. "Are you okay?"

"Just worried."

At that, Renee smiled faintly. "I wish I were there with you."

"Yeah, I miss you."

"Me too, sweetie," Renee breathed softly. More than I imagined possible.

On the TV screen, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley stalked through the bowels of the Nostromo searching for the alien life form that had killed most of her crew. Cam was stretched out on her bed in a faded gray T-shirt and gym shorts. In a matching outfit, Blair lay curled against her, her head on Cam's shoulder. She was so quiet she might have been asleep, but Cam knew that she wasn't. Her heart was beating too rapidly for that.

"I think you should tell your father," Cam said softly.

"He's got enough on his mind. We don't even know anything yet."

"That's not what matters." Steadily, Cam stroked Blair's bare arm. "He'd want to be here for you."

"I know, but I don't want him to worry if there isn't any reason to."

"Baby," Cam murmured, dipping her head so that she could kiss Blah's lips. "I got the sense that being your father is very important to him. I think he'd want the chance to worry."

Blair squeezed her eyes closed. "I can't even imagine what it will bring up for him."

Cam's heart twisted, but she continued softly, "The same pain it brings up for you. That's why the two of you need to be together for this."

"God, I keep hoping this will just go away."

"I know. And maybe it will." Cam held her fiercely. "Probably it will. But until then, we need to be together. All of us. Like a family."

For the first time since she'd brushed her fingers over her breast and felt something that had never been there before, Blair cried. Cam kept her in her arms, rocking her very gently, until the tears abated. Then she pulled up the hem of her T-shirt and carefully dried her lover's cheeks.