Radclyffe - Honor Reclaimed

"Diane doesn't know about us."

"I know."

"Is it going to be a problem if she finds out?"

Cam shifted until she could watch Valerie's face. "A problem for whom?"

Valerie smiled. "You always were so careful, Cameron. For you, for Blair."

"Blair has known for a long time."

"Oh, I know. I was looking into her face the exact moment she understood." A small smile skittered across Valerie's mouth, transforming the perfect symmetry of her face for an instant, making her seem less flawlessly beautiful and more vulnerable. "I could see her struggle with her anger, knowing that I had touched you. I watched her win that battle. She's quite a remarkable woman."

"Yes."

"And you love her." Valerie was watching Cam just as intently as Cam watched her.

"With everything in me."

"You would, of course." Valerie settled her fingertips lightly on the top of Cam's hand. "She knew.. .Blair.. .that I was in love with you, but she also knew on some instinctive level, even that first night, that you did not love me."

"Valerie—"

"No," Valerie said quickly, curving her fingers over the edge of Cam's hand now, "you don't need to explain anything, Cameron. I always knew what you felt and what you didn't. You were always very honest about that."

"I'm sorry," Cam said, "for using you, nevertheless."

"Using me?" Valerie laughed, a deep genuine laugh. "Oh, hardly. You have no reason to apologize for the pleasure that we shared. That was our agreement, and anything beyond that was my responsibility." She took her hand away and turned to face the park, her shoulder resting lightly against Cam's. "I really shouldn't be here."

"Why are you?"

"I don't know," Valerie said pensively, reaching up to tame a stray lock of blond hair that the wind had whipped into her face. She pushed it impatiently behind her ear, the movement inadvertently exposing the pale, slender column of her neck, as if beckoning a kiss. "I could have found somewhere else to stay, or hired a car and driven into the country for a week or so. But when everything happened—when the entire world suddenly tilted, the first thing I thought of was Diane. So I called her, even knowing that I shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't you, Valerie?" Cam asked quietly. They'd had a liaison for almost a year, and for part of that time, Cam had been Blair's security chief. And during that time, there had been two attempts on Blair's life. Cam knew with absolute certainty that she had never divulged one single piece of information involving Blair or her security, but everyone in her life, everyone in Blair s life, was a suspect now as far she was concerned. And Valerie—Claire—remained a mystery on many levels.

"Oh, so many reasons." Valerie shrugged and laughed again, this time a small, self-deprecating sound. "I could strike some platitude such as she deserves better, which is absolutely totally true, or I could mention that her friendship with Blair might be damaged—"

"Blair will handle it."

"Yes, I imagine she will. But I wonder if Diane will when she learns that Blair knew about my relationship with you and didn't tell her."

"You can't ever know how anyone is going to react. You just have to go with what you feel."

Valerie turned, leaning a hip against the railing, and regarded Cam seriously again. "Philosophy, Cameron?"

"No, just lots of mistakes."

"Diane and I aren't sleeping together."

"Yet?"

Valerie moved her head from side to side. "I don't know about that."

"But you're here."

"Yes." Valerie sighed. "And now so are you. I heard you get up and come outside. I lay there thinking about the last time we were together. You wanted to make love to me that night, and I didn't let you. I regret that."

"Things have changed." Cam's voice was gentle, and she didn't move away when Valerie leaned toward her. There had been too much between them to turn her back.

"Yes, but.. .sometimes it just takes one last time to put the past to rest." As she spoke, Valerie slid her hand under the bottom of Cam's T-shirt and pressed her palm to Cam's abdomen. She made a small sound of pleasure when Cam's muscles twitched at her touch, and she slowly smoothed her fingers lower, turning her hand to edge her fingertips under the waistband of Cam's jeans.

Cam clamped her hand over Valerie's wrist through the T-shirt and stopped the caress. She'd gotten wet at the first touch. "There won't be another time."

Valerie, her mouth close enough to Cam's to kiss, stared into Cam's eyes for a very long moment. "God, you always did have exquisite control."

Cam grinned and withdrew Valerie's hand from beneath her shirt. She released her wrist, then let out a pent-up breath. "Sometimes looks can be deceiving."

"Perhaps." Valerie edged away, putting space between them. "But your message is quite clear. I won't make another pass."

"Thank you. Because you're a beautiful woman, and very desirable, and I happen to be completely in love with someone else."

"I knew that well before you did, Cameron," Valerie said with a soft smile. "I just wasn't certain how you'd handle it, and never really had the chance to find out. Now I know."

"What about Diane?"

Valerie closed her eyes for a moment. "I wish I knew. It's been so long since I've had an uncomplicated feeling for a woman, I don't know if I can recognize one any longer."

"I know what you mean."

"I believe you do." Valerie traced her fingers along the edge of Cam's jaw and then turned toward the apartment. "Remember tonight, Cameron. Remember that in this moment, there was nothing between us but the truth."

Cam watched Valerie open and close the glass doors and disappear into the darkness beyond. There was more to be said. Or perhaps confessed. Of that she was certain. As she turned back to the night, she wondered when she would find out what other secrets lay between them.

*

Valerie stepped carefully across the dark living room by the aid of memory and the slivers of moonlight that hinted at the shapes in her path.

"We should talk," Diane said quietly, rising from her seat in the corner opposite the balcony. "I hadn't meant to spy, but I heard you get up. I was worried that you'd had a nightmare."

"A nightmare?"

"You do, you know. You cry out in your sleep. The first night," Diane said as she joined Valerie in the archway that led to the hallway and the bedrooms beyond, "I got up and opened your bedroom door. You were moaning and thrashing under the covers. I didn't know if I should wake you or not."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Diane shook her head. "You don't need to apologize."

"But you didn't wake me."

"No. I walked to the side of your bed, and then I realized that you were naked and I just looked at you. I looked at you and I wanted to touch you, and then I knew I needed to leave."

"Diane," Valerie murmured, grazing her fingers down Diane's arm without thinking.

"I saw you outside with Cam. I couldn't hear what you were saying, but I didn't need to." Diane gently withdrew her arm from Valerie's grasp. "Blair Powell is my best friend."

"Blair knows," Valerie said quietly.

"I need to, too."

"Yes." Valerie sighed. "Let's go to your room."

Valerie followed Diane down the hallway and into the master bedroom suite. She waited while Diane opened the drapes enough to provide illumination for them to see one another. Diane did not turn on a light, and Valerie was grateful—their pain would not be exposed in the harsh clarity of lamplight, but muted by the forgiving luminosity of the moon. She sank down on one end of the small love seat that faced the floor-to-ceiling windows in the sitting area and waited to speak until Diane joined her.

"Cameron and I were...involved...for close to a year," Valerie said immediately, seeing no reason to pretend that the discussion was about anything else. "It's over now."