Radclyffe - Honor Under Siege

emphatical y. “And Im glad. But now youve fal en in love with

someone whose whole life has been a secret. Shes always going to have

secrets, Diane, and you cant let that eat you up.

Diane regarded Blair as if seeing her for the first time. “How do you

handle it with Cam?

“Not very wel most of the time, Blair said, grinning sheepishly. “After

a while you accept that there are parts of themselves they dont, or cant,

let us see. And once youre done being pissed of by it, you understand

that those are the parts that make them frighteningly good at what they

do. Valerie has to be that kind of good to have ever fooled Cam.

Diane smiled weakly. “I guess the fact that my girlfriend and your

girlfriend have

a history makes some kind of cosmic sense,

doesnt it?

“That just might be the understatement of the year. Blair laughed briefly,

thinking of the night shed unexpectedly discovered Valerie at Cams

apartment in DC, and recognizing their connection, how much she had

resented the place Valerie held in Cams heart. Cam swore that there

was nothing between them any longer, and Blair knew that Cam

believed it. But she had seen something that Cam had not. There had

been a sadness in Valeries eyes that Blair understood with perfect

clarity. Valerie had been deeply in love with Cam. Thinking about that

sadness now, Blair found that she no longer resented what Valerie and

Cam had shared. Valerie had been there when Cam needed someone,

and that was al that real y mattered.

“Shel need you, Di. Shel need you, but she wont let you know. Blair

reached for Dianes hand. “Thats the hardest thing to rememberthat

the need is there, even though its buried so deeply even she cant see it.

Its a pain in the ass, but youl just have to get used to it. I know youre

strong enough, and stubborn enough, to do it.

“I dont feel very strong

sometimes.

“Then thats when you come find me, and Il

remind you.

“It helps to be with you, and I usual y love Whitley Point, Diane

confessed, “but the quiet is driving me a lit le bit crazy right now. Ive got

too much time to think. Maybe I should go back to Manhattan.

Blair shook her head vehemently. “Not a chance. I want you to come

to the fundraiser Saturday night. And if Paula can take it, wel go

shopping again.

“Okay. Diane laughed shakily as she glanced out the rear of the

vehicle to where Stark and Hara sat in the Suburban. “If I have to suf

er, I suppose she can too.

“There, see? Youre sounding bet er already, Blair said, smiling. “Here

comes

Tanner. Il get in the

back.

As Blair stepped from the car, she caught sight of Tanners

expression and stopped. “What is it?

Tanner handed her the Boston Globe. “I dont know how you put up

with this shit al the time. She slid into the front seat and slammed the

door.

Blair glanced down at the grainy picture of her in Paris with Cam

standing just behind her. The caption read “Presidents daughter to

marry lesbian loverAnti- same sex marriage groups protest.

“Wel , Blair said as she climbed into the backseat, “Boston is looking a

lot more interesting.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, trying not to think

about the crush of reporters sure to be waiting for her when she arrived

at the fundraiser. She had wanted to go public, because any at empt not

to would make her and her father appear like hypocrites when news of

her plans inevitably leaked out. Nothing could be worse for a politician

than the appearance of having one set of standards in public and another

in private. Shed insisted on disclosure, but it was never easy exposing

her personal life to public scrutiny.

“Let me see that, Diane said.

“Hey Tanner, Blair said, handing the newspaper to Diane as

Tanner rocketed the SUV out of the parking lot and onto the

narrow twisting road that hugged the ocean shoreline. Gravel

spewed out behind them.

“What? Tanner snapped.

“Its okay. Its just another day at the

office.

“It sucks.

“Yeah, that, too. Blair leaned forward and squeezed Tanners

shoulder. “But try not to give Stark a heart attack and slow

down a little.

Tanner half turned her head, a grin pul ing at her mouth. Then

she looked back to the road and eased off on the gas. “Sorry,

force of habit. Im used to you tel ing me to lose your spookies.

“Yes, Blair said softly. “How things have changed.

* * * * *

Cams jaw tightened as she scanned the newspaper. “Call

Lucinda and tell her youre canceling for the fundraiser.

Blair braced both arms on the kitchen counter behind her

and lifted herself up so that she was sitting on it. She still wore

the blue jeans and red sweater shed pul ed on to go out with

Tanner. Cam was in her work clothes and still wearing her

weapon, and although Blair knew it was foolish, the additional

height advantage made her feel better. “I wouldnt do that even

if it would do any good, which it wont. Once Lucinda makes up

her mind

“Lucinda is the presidents chief of staff, not yours. Cam tossed

the newspaper onto the oak table and started for the front of

the house. “If youd prefer, Ill tell Stark to call her.

“Im sure Stark will appreciate

that.

Cam turned, her eyes narrowing. “What is that supposed to

mean?

“I know about the whole rank thing, but shes still my chief

of security. I dont imagine shell appreciate being told anything.

You never did.

“Stark understands the situation, Cam said, thinking about

the briefing with Davis and Savard, and about Blair at a

crowded cocktail

reception where it would be impossible to control the guest list

or secure the physical environment beyond the most basic

measures. Thinking how exposed Blair would be. A ball of anger

and anxiety fil ed her chest. “The timing is bad, especial y after

this newspaper article.

“Weve already discussed this, Cameron. If it isnt this event, it

will be some other one. We cant prevent a public response to

anything we do.

“Why do you sound so calm? Cam moved closer, but stopped

two feet away. Just outside of touching distance.

“Because I know youre not, and I know youre worried. Blair kept her

hands on the counter, because she wanted to reach out and pul Cam

across the divide. It was odd how she hated distance between them

now. Once she had wanted, demanded , nothing but distance

between herself and anyone who had the potential to hurt her. Mostly

she resisted the urge to draw Cam near because she needed to judge

exactly how much of Cams concern was her normal distrust of any

public appearance and how much was a lovers less rational concern.

If she touched her, her perspective would be gone. “Why are you so

much more worried about this event?

“Jesus, Blair! Maybe youve forgot en what happened Cam bit of the rest

of the sentence, cursing herself inwardly when she saw Blair flinch. Of

course Blair

hadnt forgot en the assassination at empt at the Aerie. Blair would never

be able to forget it, and bul ying her with the memory instead of

explaining her own unease was cowardly. And cruel. “Im sorry, baby.

Blair took a long breath. “Dont apologize. Just

trust me. Cam fel silent and Blair watched her

struggle, waiting.

“I dont feel like Ive got a handle on anything right now, and I cant af ord