Sara Shepard - Crushed

A bell rang out in the corridor, and then a voice came over the PA paging one of the doctors. “What’s your name?” the girl asked. “I’ve never seen you before—and I would remember you. You’re the coolest volunteer we’ve ever had.”

“Thanks,” Hanna said softly. “I’m Hanna.”

“I’m Kyla Kennedy. Maybe when I bust out of here, we can hang for real.”

Hanna raised an eyebrow. “Bust out of here?”

“Oh yeah.” Kyla’s tone was playful. “I have a whole black-ops mission in mind. I’m going to break out when no one’s watching and take the world by storm.”

She reached out her bandaged hand. Hanna tentatively shook it, then peeked at Kyla’s face again. She could see long lashes beneath the gauze, but she couldn’t even tell what color her eyes were. Yet she loved that Kyla said she was cool. After a moment, she realized that she thought Kyla was cool, too.

“Hanna?” Sean appeared at the end of the corridor. “There’s a spill in the next hall over. Can you take care of it?”

Hanna sighed heavily. “I’d better go,” she said to Kyla.

“No worries,” Kyla said. Her bandaged hand clunked against Hanna’s wrist. “See you again, hopefully?”

“Definitely,” Hanna said.

She was a few paces away when Kyla called out her name again. Hanna turned around. Kyla was sitting up halfway in bed, pointing wildly at the shaved-head, hot-body male nurse. She pretended to smack his butt as he passed. Hanna laughed so loud that an old lady lying on a cot down the hall squealed and jumped. Hanna and Kyla exchanged a meaningful glance—well, as meaningful as Hanna could give Kyla under all that gauze. And then they started laughing even harder.

The next afternoon, Emily pulled into the main drive of the King James Mall, her heart thundering. When she first scanned the impressive entrance doors, she didn’t see Iris waiting inside, like they’d planned.

She dug her fingernails into the steering wheel. Of course Iris wasn’t there. What idiot would leave a mental patient at the mall all day? But because Emily didn’t want to miss any more school, she’d struck a deal with Iris that morning: She’d drop her off at the King James before first period, Iris would spend the day doing whatever she pleased, and Emily would pick her up after the last bell. Then they’d knock a few more items off Iris’s bucket list, and Iris would give Emily an Ali tidbit at the end of the day. Hopefully.

It took Iris no time to agree. After Emily dropped her off, she realized why: The Greyhound bus station was right down the street. Iris had probably planned to take off the second Emily pulled away. Emily had been her way out of The Preserve, but Iris didn’t need her anymore.

She idled at the curb, her stomach in knots. No one was sitting on the benches outside the entrance. No one lurked near the metallic ashtrays. But then the double doors opened, and someone stepped onto the pavement. After the sun glare subsided, Iris shimmered into view. Emily rolled down the window. “You’re here!”

Iris gave her a strange look. “Where else would I be?”

Emily unlocked the car doors, and Iris climbed inside. Once they were on their way, Emily glanced at the Bloomingdale’s carrier bag in Iris’s arms. “You went shopping?”

“Sort of,” Iris sang. She tossed something in Emily’s face. “For you.”

Emily stared at the plaid scarf in her lap. It had a Burberry label. “Is this real ?”

“I hope so,” Iris said. “I got your mom one, too.”

“Iris . . .” Emily trailed off. She’d always wanted a Burberry scarf . . . but not a stolen one. Still, she was oddly touched that Iris had thought of her. And her mom.

“The light’s green,” Iris said loudly. “Turn left here.”

Emily turned on her signal. They were driving in the direction of Delaware. She glanced sidelong at Iris. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“To Keppler Creek,” Iris answered. “I want to take out a paddleboat.”

Emily rolled to a stop at another light. “I don’t think the boats are open for the season yet.”

Iris scoffed. “So we steal one.”

Emily looked at her hard. “I’m not stealing a paddleboat.”

Iris gave her a warning stare. “Come on. And besides, we’re not stealing it—just borrowing it for a little bit.”

Emily felt a pang of longing. She and Jordan had borrowed a beautiful glass-bottomed boat in Puerto Rico—and it had been easy, for Jordan at least. They’d had their first kiss out on the water. It was the most public kiss Emily had ever had with a girl—there were tons of other sailboats, Jet Skis, and party ships nearby, with many people on board—and yet she hadn’t felt uncomfortable in the slightest. She missed Jordan so much she’d taken to sleeping in one of the T-shirts that she’d let her borrow for the cruise. If Emily breathed in hard enough, she could still smell Jordan’s jasmine perfume.

She must have sighed dreamily, because Iris giggled. “Who are you thinking about? A girl?”

“No,” Emily said quickly.

Iris crossed her arms over her chest. “You can tell me. I’m not gonna judge you.”

Emily felt her cheeks flush. “Fine. I was thinking about this girl I met a few weeks ago.”

“What’s her name?”

“Jordan.”

Iris crossed and uncrossed her legs. “What’s she like?”

Emily smiled, trying to think of a simple way to sum up Jordan. “She’s funny. And brave. And beautiful.”

“Is she the first girl you’ve liked since Ali?”

Emily slowed down to take a turn. “I had a girlfriend for a little while last year. Her name was Maya. She was cool, but she was also a little pushy.”

Iris twisted a silver ring around her finger. “Sounds like you fell for Ali all over again.”

Emily laughed uneasily, then glanced at Iris. “Was Ali pushy with you?”

Iris wrapped a tendril of hair around her finger. “I guess. She was always manipulating me into doing things I didn’t want to do.”

“That sounds like her,” Emily said. Until she remembered: They were talking about two different Alis.

They came to a T in the road, and Iris told her to turn right. “So will you tell me about your crush?” Emily asked, remembering what Iris had said the other day.

Iris twisted her mouth. “It’s boring.”

“Come on. I told you .”

Several houses flew past the window before Iris spoke again. “His name is Tripp,” she said softly.

Emily nodded, suddenly remembering Iris’s list. Find Tripp , it had said.

“He was a patient at The Preserve, too,” Iris went on. “We were really great friends, and things were definitely going in a romantic direction. Until they let him out. He promised to visit me every Saturday, but he never did. And we can’t make calls or send e-mails at The Preserve, so I had no idea where he was. I never heard from him again.” She sniffed loudly. “Then again, who wants a girlfriend in the loony bin?”

“So you have no idea what happened to him?”

“Nope.” Iris tied the Burberry scarf she’d stolen for Emily’s mom into a messy knot. “Which is why I want to find him. He owes me an explanation.”

Emily paused at a stop sign, waiting for two girls walking a standard poodle to pass. “Why were you at The Preserve in the first place?” she asked, choosing her words delicately.

Iris snickered. “Isn’t it obvious?” She waved her hands up and down her frail, skinny body. “ Anorexia nervosa. Sometimes, I choose not to eat. For days .”

Emily blinked hard. “Has being there . . . helped?”