Shaun Hutson - Heathen/Nemesis

More than once Donna felt her legs weaken; she was sure she was going to fall.

Fall into the grave, perhaps?

But she held onto what little strength she had left and felt Julie’s arm around her waist, supporting her but also needing that closeness herself. And Donna had felt this terrible feeling before, the night they had first told her that her husband had been involved in a crash. As she looked down into the grave she felt the same crushing desolation she’d felt as the coroner had pulled back that green sheet in the hospital morgue. How long ago was it now? Four days? More? Time seemed to have lost its meaning since his death. She wondered if life would lose its meaning, too.

As the priest came to the end of his service he stepped back a pace, beckoning Donna towards the graveside.

It was a monumental effort for her to walk those few steps; again she felt as if her knees were going to give way. Sobbing gently she made that short journey, Julie close by her. They both looked into the grave then Donna stepped back, her head lowered.

The breeze brought the smell of flowers to her, an aroma so strong, so thickly scented she felt sick. The cellophane rattled again and a petal from a red rose came free and fluttered across the grass towards the graveside, where it was blown in, floating gently downwards until it settled on the coffin lid.

Julie, trying to control her own emotion, led Donna away. The other mourners filed past.

From the tree close by the bird took flight, soaring high into the blue sky.

Like a soul en route to heaven.

Twenty-Seven

Donna stood by the car, a handkerchief clutched in her hand. The priest spoke softly to her but she heard little of what he said. She smiled every now and then, grateful for his concern but anxious only to be away from this place.

Julie stood beside her, reaching over once to pull a blonde hair from her sister’s jacket. She lovingly touched the back of her hair as she did so.

The priest finished what he had to say and retreated, to be replaced by various mourners. Words of condolence were offered. Donna was confronted by a parade of people, many of whom she found it difficult to place. What she felt now was more akin to shock than grief; it was as if she was numb. Every part of her body and her soul, burned out. She looked at people with blank eyes, red-rimmed and glazed; she might have been on drugs.

Cars were beginning to leave the cemetery, mourners driving away back towards her house for the wake. Donna was suddenly aware how archaic the word sounded. Wake. The thought of having her house filled with people seemed abhorrent. She wanted to tell each and every one of them to leave her alone with her grief and her pain. Let her enjoy it unhindered. Their presence would only seek to prevent her complete immersion in despair.

Friends and relatives spoke words of comfort to her before climbing into their cars. She nodded gratefully at each word, unable and unwilling to answer.

Julie finally urged her to get into the car, wiping tears from her own eyes as she pulled gently at Donna’s arm.

Martin Connelly walked over, arms outstretched, and Donna found herself embracing him. Embracing him and holding him tightly. His touch was reassuring and he allowed her to bury her head in his chest as he held her.

Only Julie saw the slight flicker of a smile on his lips as he spoke to her softly.

‘It’ll be okay,’ he said. ‘Just let it out.’

She sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.

Aware of Julie’s probing gaze Connelly looked at the younger woman, their eyes meeting for uncomfortable seconds before he finally stroked Donna’s cheek with one hand and she stepped away from him slightly.

‘I’ll see you back at the house,’ he said and walked off to find his car.

Julie watched him go, then held out her hand for Donna to join her in the car.

‘Come on, Donna,’ she said gently, but then noticed that her sister was gazing in the direction of the grave. Julie followed her gaze.

‘I don’t know who they are,’ Donna said quietly, wiping her nose with her handkerchief.

There were three men standing by the graveside, the one in the centre tall and powerfully built. All three of them wore dark suits.

At such a distance Donna couldn’t make out their features.

‘Friends of Chris’s, I suppose,’ Julie said. ’‘You didn’t know all his friends, did you?’

‘Most of them,’ Donna told her, eyes still fixed on the trio of mourners.

She noticed one of them kneel beside the grave, squatting down on his haunches and leaning over the edge, as if he were looking for something in the deep hole.

‘Who are they?’ Donna murmured, finally allowing herself to be coaxed into the car by Julie.

The driver asked them if they were ready, then pulled slowly away.

Donna turned in her seat and looked out of the back window.

The three men were still beside the grave, all of them standing again now, still looking down intently at the coffin.

The car rounded a corner and they were lost from sight.

Donna sank back in her seat, her eyes closed, the vision of the three men fading from her mind.

Had she been able to, she would have seen the tallest of the three kick a clod of earth into the hole.

It landed with a thud on the coffin lid.

Twenty-Eight

She didn’t count the cars parked outside the house but there seemed to be at least a dozen, parked on the driveway and in the road.

As Donna moved through the sitting-room she glanced out of the window at the horde of vehicles. Inside, a low babble of chatter rose from the mourners who had returned to the house.

The caterers Julie had hired to provide food and drinks had set up a large table in the sitting-room, where they served guests with sandwiches and other snacks. In the kitchen they were using a tea urn and countless coffee pots to keep thirsts quenched.

The talk was subdued but interrupted by the odd laugh here and there. Laughs of relief, perhaps, now that the worst of the solemnity was over. A number of the men present loosened their ties.

Donna sat down by the window with a cup of tea in her hand, her eyes sore from crying, her head aching. She received the kind words and the advice with humility, concealing her desire that they should all simply leave her house as quickly as possible. They had paid their respects; now they had no reason to remain. But she pushed that thought to one side, grateful also for the concern.

Jackie Quinn glided across to her, kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her hand tightly, perching on the arm of the chair.

‘Today seems to be lasting forever,’ Donna said, smiling wanly. She squeezed Jackie’s hand more tightly. ‘Thanks for coming, Jackie.’

‘I wish there was more I could have done to help,’ she said, ‘but your caterers seem to be coping.’ She smiled.

‘Where’s Dave?’ Donna asked.

‘Getting himself a drink. I told him to get you one, too.’

‘Jackie, I couldn’t drink. Not now,’ Donna protested.

‘Yes, you can,’ Jackie said quietly. ‘A brandy will help you relax.’ She turned and saw Dave Turner entering the room, a glass in each hand. He smiled at Donna and made his way past a group of guests standing by the door talking.

As he stepped clear of them another man almost walked into him.

Donna frowned as she saw him.

It was one of the men who had been standing at Chris’s grave when the car had brought her away, she was sure of it.

The man apologized to Dave and made his way out of the room, followed by a companion.

Another of the trio of mourners she’d seen as she’d left the cemetery. Donna was certain of it. She still didn’t recognize them.