James Chase: You Can Say That Again

I took out my handkerchief and wiped off my hands and face, but the aroma of cooked food brought me to my feet. I went to the trolley. What a feast! A thick, juicy steak, a bowl of sizzling french fries, a pile of pancakes oozing maple syrup, toast, butter, marmalade and a pint sized pot of coffee.

I pulled up a chair and gorged myself. Food gives strength, I told myself, as I cut into the steak. Okay, I had been kidnapped, but at least, I wasn’t going to starve.

When I had finished eating, making sure there was nothing left, I found a pack of Chesterfields and a lighter on the trolley. I lit up and went back to the lounging chair and sat down.

I was now much more relaxed. I thought about last night and the little old woman. It seemed to me she must be connected with Mr. Durant. This could only be the explanation of my kidnapping. I hopefully reasoned that Mr. Durant had decided I was the type he was looking for, and for reasons best known to himself, had brought me to this room, to extend the audition. Then I thought about the Ape who had brought in the trolley and I began to sweat again. I told myself not to start heroics with him. Tangling with him would be like tangling with a buzz saw, and that I was not going to do.

So I waited and sweated.

A half hour crept by. I kept looking at my watch, wondering when the action would begin. I had smoked four cigarettes and was beginning to fidget when the door snapped open and the ape man came in. He was followed by a short, swarthy complexioned man I immediately recognized by his lizard skin shoes as Joseph Durant.

As I made a move to get to my feet, he said in a hard metallic voice, ‘Stay seated, Mr. Stevens.’

He walked to a lounging chair and sat down. I studied him. Lu’s description had been accurate, but Lu hadn’t added that this man not only gave off the aroma of wealth, but he also gave off an unmistakable aroma of sinister menace.

I glanced at the Ape, standing by the door. He was staring at me the way a tiger stares at a prospective meal. I decided to wait for Durant to make the opening move.

He took his time. His hard black eyes studied me, then he inclined his head in what I hoped was a nod of approval.

‘Mr. Stevens,’ he said finally, ‘you are naturally wondering what this is all about. There is no need for you to be alarmed. It was necessary to bring you here the way you were brought here.’

‘Kidnapping is a Federal offence,’ I said, annoyed that my voice sounded so husky.

‘So I believe.’ He looked at his fingernails. ‘This isn’t the moment, Mr. Stevens, to discuss the legal aspects of bringing you here. Later, perhaps, but not now.’ He crossed one solid leg over the other and swung a lizard skin shoe in my direction. ‘There are facts about you, I need to confirm.’ He paused, then went on, ‘You are a bit-part actor with some success in Western movies. You have been unemployed for some six months. You are looking for work.’ He eyed me. ‘Is that correct?’

‘Well, yes. I am looking for work,’ I said defensively. ‘Westerns are not the in-thing at the moment. They . . .’

He cut me short.

‘You have no money. In fact, Mr. Stevens, you not only have no money, but you are in debt and you owe rent. Is that correct?’

I shrugged.

‘Correct.’

He nodded.

‘I believe I can offer you employment,’ he said. ‘The financial return to you will be more than adequate. I am prepared to pay you one thousand dollars a day for at least thirty days, possibly longer, providing you are prepared to conform to certain conditions.’

For a long moment, I sat still, stunned.

One thousand dollars a day for at least thirty days, possibly longer!

This can’t be true, I thought. Where’s the catch?

Yet looking at this man, I realized that one thousand dollars a day to him would be chick-feed. As Lu had said this man stank of money.

But I wasn’t so bemused as to grab at such an offer. There was something about this man that warned me I could be walking into trouble. Again, I glanced at the Ape, standing motionless, glaring at me.

‘That sounds interesting, Mr. Durant,’ I said in my nonchalant voice. ‘What are the conditions?’

‘I want to buy your full hearted cooperation,’ he returned. ‘I understand that you have a placid temperament. Is that correct?’

‘That depends. I’ve never had trouble with my directors. I’ve . . .’

He cut me off with a wave of his hand.

‘Whole hearted cooperation. Let me spell it out. I will only hire you at one thousand dollars a day if you will do exactly what I tell you to do without any query or hesitation. That is what I mean by wholehearted cooperation. What I will ask you to do will not be dangerous, won’t be breaking the law and won’t be beyond your powers. You either give me your wholehearted cooperation or you don’t get hired.’

There must be a catch in this, I thought, but my mind was already browsing over the thought of one thousand dollars a day.

‘Just what is it, you want me to do?’

He studied me for a long, uncomfortable moment.

‘So you are not prepared to give me your wholehearted cooperation without further details? Be sure about this.’

Was there a warning in his voice? I began to sweat again. To be paid one thousand dollars a day would be marvelous, but I felt in my bones there must be a catch in it. The kidnapping, the Ape, this big money bait and Durant, looking like someone connected with the Mafia, made up a scene that scared me. It won’t be dangerous, won’t be breaking the law, won’t be beyond your powers . This was too glib. In spite of being desperate to earn money, I wasn’t going to walk into anything, blind.

‘No,’ I said firmly, ‘I’m not prepared to give you my wholehearted cooperation unless you tell me just what it is you want me to do.’

I heard a low growling noise from the Ape: a sound like distant thunder. Durant scratched his forehead, frowned, then shrugged.

‘Very well, Mr. Stevens. I had hoped that this offer of money would be enough for you to agree to any work offered to you.’

‘Then you are mistaken. So what do you want me to do?’

His thin lips parted in a wintry smile.

‘As you insist, I will give you some idea of what will be required of you.’ He paused, then taking out a lizard skin cigar case, he selected a cigar, rolled the cigar between his lips, then nipped off the end with a gold cigar cutter. He glanced over his shoulder at the Ape, who moved forward, struck a match and held the flame while Durant puffed.

While this was going on, I shook out a cigarette from the pack of Chesterfields and lit up.

‘I need you to impersonate a man who resembles you,’ Durant said, behind a cloud of rich smelling smoke.

This was the last thing I expected to hear.

‘Impersonate? Who is this man?’

‘For the moment, that is something you needn’t know.’

‘Why is it necessary for me to impersonate this man?’

Durant made a movement as if a fly was irritating him.

‘The man you will be impersonating needs freedom of movement,’ he said, a sudden rasp of impatience in his voice. ‘He is being constantly watched by a group of people. His freedom of movement is essential for promoting an important business deal. As he is being harassed by his business rivals and the press, we have decided to hire a standin — that is the word, I believe, you use in the movie world: a man who will draw off this group and the press who are becoming a nuisance, while the man you will be impersonating will be able to leave the country, travel in Europe and complete this deal without the constant worry of being followed and spied on. Once the deal has been completed, you will be able to return to your normal way of life with some thirty thousand dollars in your bank.’