Abbi Glines - Misbehaving

He couldn’t fix this. He didn’t realize that it had already been done. His immediate impulse was to protect Johanna. Not me.

I wondered if he had loved her. If he had ever told her he loved her. I loved him, but he hadn’t told me he loved me. Maybe that was it. He didn’t love me but he had loved her. She had that hold on him. I started to move again, wanting to get away from him, but he continued to hold me still.

“Talk to me, Jess. Please,” he begged.

“You had to choose, and you chose her. When pressed for an answer, you chose her feelings over mine. Nothing that happened after that matters. Because it was after I manipulated you.” I stopped and looked out the window because I couldn’t stand looking at him while I admitted this. “I wanted to be your fist choice, so I forced you to pick me. It was wrong. I don’t want you to put me first because I use your jealousy against you. I want you to think of me first because it’s the way you feel. I’m tired of trying to be someone’s first choice. I’ve done that, and I’m exhausted. I won’t do it anymore. I just won’t.” Jason’s grip on me loosened, and I used that opportunity to get off his lap and put some space between us. I didn’t look back at him, and I didn’t say anything else.

He had wanted me to talk, and now that I had he had nothing to say. I wished I could reach the button so I could let the driver know to take me home. I wanted out of this car. I wanted to run until I couldn’t run anymore.

“I didn’t realize it hurt you. You acted like it wasn’t a big deal,” he said in a pained voice.

“Really? That’s what you’re going with?” I asked angrily. “If I were to go to a dance with a guy friend because I had promised him I would and you knew his hands would be touching me while we danced, just how would you feel? Would you be okay with that?”

He didn’t reply. I knew he couldn’t honestly tell me he would be fine with it. When I had thrown it back in his face, he had cracked. So how could he say that he didn’t think it would bother me?

“You’re right. I didn’t think,” he said. “My first thought should have been to protect you and your feelings. I’m so sorry, Jess. I’m not good at this. I don’t do relationships, and I obviously suck at it.” He sounded so defeated.

I couldn’t stay mad at him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t love me. He cared, and that was all I would ever get from him. I knew that already. I was expecting him to react the way a man in love would. He couldn’t.

“It’s okay,” I said, turning to look at him. “I was expecting too much. I’m sorry.”

Jason’s frown only deepened. “Don’t apologize. This is all me. You deserve better than the way I treated you this morning. But if there is any way you can forgive me, I swear I’ll be better. I’ll figure this relationship thing out and get it right.”

He was willing to try, which counted for something. He still didn’t get that his first instinct should have been to choose me. But then, he wasn’t in love, so that wouldn’t be what he first thought of. I wasn’t looking for someone who would put me first, I was looking for someone to love me.

The realization was sad and pathetic. I had let this thing with Jason mean too much. I didn’t want to lose what little time I had with him until a Johanna came into his life and he fell head over heels in love with her and I was forgotten.

“Okay,” I said, fighting back the emotions that the thought of losing him stirred up.

“Okay?” he repeated. “I’m forgiven, okay? Or you’ll think about it, okay?” he asked.

“You’re forgiven,” I replied.

He let out a sigh of relief and bent his head to capture my mouth with his. I closed off all other thoughts and enjoyed him. Enjoyed this thing we had that I had let myself believe could be more. I accepted what was real and kissed him back, knowing I was going to need every memory I could make with him to keep me warm one day.

JASON

When her body melted against mine, I felt like I could take a deep breath again. I had been so damn scared. The hurt look in her eyes was going to haunt me for fucking weeks. I had to come up with a way to prove to her how important she was to me. Until then, I needed to reassure myself that she wasn’t about to walk out of my life in search of that guy who puts her first.

The unknown guy only made me more desperate. I lay her back on the seat, pushed my shirt that she was wearing up, and slid my hands under her tank top until her breast filled my hand. Her soft moan was so damn sweet. “I want you naked,” I told her, and she leaned up so I could pull the shirt and tank off of her.

“I swear, Jess, your tits get more perfect every damn time I see them.”

Her nipples hardened from my praise. “Those things you were thinking of to wake me this morning,” she said, smiling up at me. “Why don’t you show me?”

I pulled a nipple into my mouth and sucked hard until she grabbed my head and cried out. When I let it go, she was panting and her cheeks were flushed. “I’ll have to take these sweats off in order to show you, because when I was talking about how you tasted I had a specific area in mind.”

Her mouth formed a small O and she trembled underneath me. I was about to show her just how important her happiness was to me. Over and over again.

JESS

Mondays had never been my favorite day of the week, but now I hated them. After spending my weekends with Jason, facing Monday was hard. Especially knowing he had gone back to a world with Johanna in it. I didn’t want to be jealous of her, but I couldn’t help it. Jason Stone had me tied up in knots.

After my morning class, I had time to come home and eat lunch and then work on the things I didn’t get a chance to finish this weekend for the shop. I needed that job, but I hadn’t wanted to give up any of my time with Jason to work. Not when I had an entire week without him to work on it.

Sitting down at the sewing machine, I pushed all thoughts of Jason from my head and tried to concentrate on other things. It was short-lived, however, because the doorbell rang. Momma had gone to run some errands that she had been evasive about, which led me to believe she was messing around with a man and didn’t want me to know about it.

I went to the door and opened it. The cold, hateful glare that I was sure Mrs. Stone only reserved for me met my gaze, and I wished I had looked out the window first. I really needed to start doing that before I opened the door.

“Can I come in?” she asked, raising that one eyebrow as if she was daring me.

I wanted to say no and slam the door in her face. But she was Jason’s mom. I couldn’t exactly do that. Besides, I needed to win this woman over. If that was even possible. “Um, okay, yes.” I stumbled over my words and stepped back to let her inside.

You could see the living room, my bedroom, my momma’s bedroom, and the bathroom from the entrance. The only room you couldn’t see the door to was the kitchen, and that was because you had to walk through the living room to get to it. Thanks to my momma’s smoking habit the place smelled like stale smoke, but it was clean. Momma wasn’t one for filth.

Mrs. Stone’s nose visibly scrunched, like she was smelling something bad. I didn’t notice the smell much since I’d lived with it, but I knew that to those not around it, it smelled bad. I was suddenly wishing I had made her stay outside and just walked out there to talk to her.

“I’m not here to waste my time. I have the jet waiting at the airport, so let me get to the point,” she said, turning to level her haughty glare at me. “You won’t do for Jason. I realize Jax will end up marrying beneath him, but he is a celebrity and will be a legend. He can make as many mistakes as he wants, and his success is intact. However, Jason is different. He can’t get involved with someone like you.” She let her gaze flicker to the blue sofa that I knew was worn and old—but again, it was clean.