C. Brown - Compromising

I laughed off the accusation. “Are you fucking kidding me? And you’re eating that shit up? Let me remind you, Cassie, that your mom is a pill popper. She enjoys stuffing her body full of toxins that will eventually kill her. We did nothing to send her on her latest binge, so just get that stupid fucking thought out of your head.”

“Alex, she’s hurting. Taylor says she tried to kill herself.”

“I still don’t get the guilt. She wants to lay this at your feet because shifting blame is easier than accepting and taking responsibility for it.”

“I want to go to the hospital.”

“No! You’re not driving yourself to Arizona. No fucking way.”

“She’s at Desert.”

My eyes bulged. “Why the fuck is she still here?”

“I don’t know, but we need to go. She’s been asking for me, and I think I need to be there if only to clear my mind.”

Cassie knew how to get under my skin, and she was doing a damn good job of it. Emmalyn was the last person who I cared to waste a moment of time, breath, or thoughts on, but for some strange reason, Cassie needed to get there. Instead of continuing to fight her, I helped her get dressed, then put her into the truck and headed down to Desert Hospital, hating myself for voluntarily throwing us into self-inflicted torture.

When we checked in on the bottom floor, I took Cassie’s hand and made sure she knew that she could always turn around and walk out the door. Undue stress was unnecessary, and the thought of Emmalyn or Taylor upsetting Cassie to the point that it hurt the baby…well, that thought just sent anger crawling through my body. If either of them got out of line with her, this little meeting would be over before they knew it.

We stepped off the elevator and down the hallway where we came face to face with Taylor. The scowl on her face made me reciprocate. I hated the girl, and I had only interacted with her for maybe ten minutes, at best.

“Your mom is in here, Cass. I’m so glad you came.”

She hugged Cassie, and it made my stomach roil. We didn’t speak, instead ignoring one another as we quietly made our way into the room.

Emmalyn looked like death. She opened her eyes and saw Cassie, then weakly smiled. I stood in the back of the room, my arms folded across my chest as I waited, hoping Cassie would make this quick and I would be able to get out of here before I lost all of composure. I don’t care how bad of shape Emmalyn was in—she deserved everything that she got.

“Cassie, you came,” she weakly said.

Cassie stepped closer to her bed, stopping just short when I pushed over a chair for her to sit down in.

“Yes, I came. What did you do?”

Emmalyn coughed—a deep, hacking cough. “I’ve lost it all, Cassie. I’ve known for quite some time that what I’ve done to you was beyond wrong. I just didn’t know how to fix it.”

“So you thought swallowing pills was the way out?”

“No, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was trying to cope with the pain…the hurt of everything.”

Running her hands through her hair, Cassie sighed her frustration. “I’ve had a lifetime of hurt with you, Mom. You have no idea how badly you’ve scarred me, how irrevocably damaged I will always be because of the treatment I’ve received from you. The Marine Corps was my ticket out, and you’ve managed to bring your toxicity into that. I wanted nothing to do with you after I left. Nothing.”

“I know that, but I didn’t know any other way to come back to you.”

“So you thought being a nasty bitch was the answer?” I blurted out, bringing all eyes on me. I ran my hand over my face. There was no way for me to stand in the room and listen to this without lashing out at Emmalyn.

“Alex! Don’t!”

I threw my hands up in surrender. If Cassie wanted to deal with her mom this way, I was inclined to let her.

“Cassie, I need you. I know I don’t deserve you, but I need you. I’m sick.” She paused and gathered herself. “Cassie, my liver is not functioning the way it should be. When Taylor told me you were pregnant, I saw everything that I’d be missing. Your beautiful baby…I don’t want to miss out on that.”

“You don’t just get to jump back into my life when it’s convenient for you. I’ve gone through hell with you. I’m sorry you’re sick, and I hope for the best, but I can’t forgive the years of mistreatment at the drop of a hat.”

“And I don’t expect you to. I just want to try and make up for it. I want to see your beautiful baby.”

My heart was about to explode. Numerous thoughts filled my head, and none of them were good. Emmalyn had a lot of fucking nerve, and while I promised myself that I would stay in the background, I knew it was a promise I just couldn’t keep.

“Emmalyn, I don’t think you understand the depth of your hatred for your own daughter. You’ve bruised her emotionally and mentally. That’s not easy to do, nor is it easy to get over.”

“I understand that.”

“So why should we allow you back? And I say we because we are a unit…a team, and I’ll be damned if I’m consoling her because you’ve managed to destroy her again.” The longer I stared into her lifeless eyes, the more inclined I felt to let her know exactly what was on my mind. “I loved my mom with everything I have, and unfortunately, she was taken away from me not too long ago. My mom was loving, caring, compassionate, and would have made a fantastic grandmother, but that will never happen, and I can’t pinpoint why…why she had to be the one. Then I look at you, after everything you’ve done to Cassie all of these years, and I see someone that is so undeserving of her and our baby. How am I supposed to allow you in when I don’t fucking trust you as far as I can throw you?”

“Alex, that is absolutely enough. You need to step out,” Cassie chastised. Too bad for her, I wasn’t budging.

“It’s okay, Cassie,” Emmalyn replied. “He’s got a valid point. I’m not stupid or naïve. I know this is going to take time, and you have every right to reject me, but I’m hoping that you don’t. I have to start somewhere to make amends, why not here?”

“Why here?” I rebuffed.

“Emmalyn, I’m going to be frank with you.” Cassie lifted her head, quickly turning towards me. Fear shone through her eyes, making my heart sink just a little. “If I had my way, we’d walk out of here, and you’d be an afterthought.” I stopped and looked into Cassie’s tearful eyes. Even with utter sadness filling her head to toe, she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“I don’t think Cassie is going to allow that to happen, and I hope…gosh, I fucking hope you understand how compassionate and loving of a daughter you have because she should get up and walk right out of here. I’ll tell you this though, and hear me out because I am not fucking lying when I say this…you get yourself clean before you even think of coming anywhere near her or my child. Do you understand that? If you don’t get clean, you don’t get to come around.”

Tears fell fast from Emmalyn’s eyes, marking the first time I saw real emotion out of her. “I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful.”

“Well, make good on what you know you need to do. Because the second you bring this negativity back into our world, I will rip you out of it so fast you won’t know what hit you.”

Emmalyn reached out for Cassie, taking her hand and kissing the top. I still hated everything about the woman, but I finally understood what Cassie had been saying about compromising. It wasn’t about me, but about the love I had for her. I didn’t have to like what she was doing, but if it made her feel better, it was my duty to prop her up and support her the best way that I could. The light bulb had finally gone off and in the most intriguing of circumstances.