Nick Stephenson - Eight the Hard Way

The man on the stage finally stopped tinkering with his guitar and without ceremony looked out onto the crowd and asked, “You drunk sombitches wanna hear some music?”

The response was immediate and enthusiastic. Big Earl immediately launched into one of his evidently proven crowd pleasers, Poontang on a Pontoon.

Looking at her watch, Dolores ordered another round of bushwhackers before the special ended. Everyone but Cathy was struggling to keep up with the old lady.

Big Earl next launched into Baby Done Floated Away, coincidently about parents drinking bushwhackers on the beach and getting so drunk that their baby playing in the shallow waves in water wings floated away into the vastness of the sea. Despite the horrific tale, the crowd laughed and cheered and drank more.

Dolores transitioned them effortlessly to shots of tequila, which moved on to shots of Jaeger, and then on to chilled coconut rum. By then Big Earl was finishing up his routine to Get Out of the Left Lane You Stupid Sombitch.

Cathy was feeling so fine and in such grand spirits that she didn’t notice that no one but her was actually drinking anymore. Big Earl was followed by a trio that played proven oldies and she danced at the rail giving some watching boys inviting looks. After a few more drinks she danced provocatively with a number of men oblivious to the silent and stern looks of the Biddle women.

They stayed late into the night and Cathy lost her sense of time and amount of consumed alcohol hours prior to their departure. Back at the condo, the other women placed her in bed on her back and then withdrew to the living room to talk amongst themselves in hushed and serious whispers.

They let Cathy sleep in the next morning while they dropped Trish off at Perdido Bay. A friend of a friend from Nantucket was willing to rent her a nice thirty foot boat at a reasonable rate.

The rest went to a local grocery store where they bought ice, food, and drinks for a day out on the water. Dolores had insisted on leaving her wheelchair at the condo, and stayed in the van while they shopped. They then drove back to the marina where they all loaded their supplies onto the boat and prepped for departure.

Stephanie got the van keys from Martha and jumped up onto the dock. “I’ll be back in a half hour,” she said loud enough for nearby boaters prepped for the ocean themselves to hear. “I’m gonna go get Dolores.”

“No problem,” said Ruby, giving Dolores a look to stay inside the cabin. The old lady nodded and slumped down on a bench seat. All the walking had drained her strength, but the worst part was over.

Back at the condo, Stephanie pushed Dolores’ wheelchair into the small bedroom she and Cathy shared. She shook the nearly comatose woman gently and then progressively harder until Cathy protested.

“What!” groaned Cathy. “What is it? Leave me alone, my head is about to split.”

“It’s time to get up,” said Stephanie cheerfully. “We got a trip out on the water planned for today.”

“Out on the water?” asked Cathy trying to roll back over to sleep. “Count me out.”

“No can do,” said Stephanie yanking the blankets violently off of Cathy and throwing them into the floor.

“What the hell, Steph!” said Cathy sitting up on her elbows. “How can any of you feel up to anything this morning after last night? I just want to rest.”

“Can’t do that,” answered Stephanie still smiling cheerfully. “You know what this weekend is about. It’s all about Dolores and whatever she wants, she gets. She wants to go out on the water.”

“What about what I want?” asked Cathy peevishly. “It’s my weekend too.”

“Yes,” nodded Stephanie, “but this is Dolores’ last ladies weekend. She won’t have any more. Her days are numbered and we all know it. Especially her. So if she wants a day on the water, then we’re going to give it to her and you’re going to come along and put on a good face.”

Cathy sat up feeling a little ashamed and put her aching head in her hands.

Stephanie handed her a hooded grey sweatshirt. “Put this on, it’s a little cold outside.”

The woman complied without even looking at the sweatshirt, which was one of Dolores’.

Cathy stopped rubbing her face and looked at the wheelchair Stephanie had brought into the room. “What’s that for?”

“This,” said Stephanie with a smile, “is to show you I am not without sympathy. Dolores let me borrow it to come get you in case you were feeling a little under the weather.”

Cathy shook her head as she stood on shaking feet, “I can walk at least.”

Stephanie shrugged, “We got to take it back anyway, might as well use it. If you’re not going to sit in it, then let me take a seat and you can push me.”

Cathy looked at Stephanie as if she weren’t sure if she were joking or not, “What?”

“Just sit in the freaking chair for goodness sake!” said Stephanie exasperated.

Cathy sighed and plopped down into the chair, “Fine.” She really didn’t feel like standing anyway.

By the time they arrived at the marina, Cathy had fallen back asleep and it wasn’t that difficult to get her into the wheelchair. She slumped down and tried to go back to sleep and Stephanie pulled her hood up over the slumbering woman’s head to hide her face.

She locked the van and then pushed Cathy down the pier to the awaiting boat named Carefree . Once at the boat, it took the other three ladies to help lift the wheelchair bearing a sleeping Cathy off the dock and onto the deck while Dolores rested on a bench inside the cabin. They pushed Cathy to the back of the boat and secured the wheelchair brakes.

“Are we finally ready to go or what?” asked a clearly irritated Trish.

“Just relax,” chided Ruby, “we ain’t got nowhere to be and no schedule.”

“Says you,” answered Trish, “I got to be back at work on Monday. At this rate, we won’t even be past the breakwater by then.”

“Okay, okay,” answered Ruby who with Martha and Stephanie’s help cast off the boat’s restraining lines.

Trish cranked the boat’s engine and expertly eased them out of the slip into more open water. Cruising slowly in order to adhere to the posted speed limits and avoid creating a large wake, they made their way out of the little harbor area. Once in open water, Trish cranked up the engine a little more.

The sun had risen and taken the chill out of the air. The breeze and spray created by the boat were more refreshing than annoying. Dolores emerged from the cabin and went to check on Cathy.

“How you like my wheelchair?” she asked her. “Oh my,” she said suddenly, “you’ve gotten hot, take that damn sweatshirt off, you don’t need that.”

With Dolores’ help she shrugged out of the grey material and shielding her eyes from the sun yawned. “I feel like warmed over crap.”

Dolores chuckled, “I know just the thing, be right back.”

Cathy sat there looking at the receding shoreline trying to decide if she were going to get sick and if she cared.

The old lady came back holding out two small pills, “Here take these, they’re stronger than your average aspirin, but will set things right as rain.”

Cathy took the pills and plopped them into her mouth and took the small cup from Dolores and gulped it down. Most of the fiery liquid was down before she realized it wasn’t water. She coughed and sputtered.

Dolores just chuckled, “Hair of the dog. Trust me, you’ll feel better in a few minutes. In the meantime, follow it up with this,” she said handing Cathy a cold canned beer and then walking away.