Peter Dickinson: Eva

There’d been zoos for a while, but what was the point of going to see a few sad old elephants in an enclosure when you could go to a shaper park and walk among the shapes of an elephant herd, life-sized, wallowing in the shape of a mud pool while the shape of a lion stalked the shape of an eland beyond (all stored on old tapes, made before the last savannahs had gone)? And at home there were wild-life programs on the shaper, either old tapes or live from the little patches of jungle and desert that still were left. You could have them in your living room, hear their screams and songs, watch their hunting and mating. They weren’t life-sized, of course, and you couldn’t smell them, and when they killed and ate one another, the blood disappeared from your carpet as soon as you switched channels. Besides, a real rhinoceros, living the life it was made for, needs a dozen square kilometers. A taped rhinoceros only needs a few cubic centimeters. So it was all very tidy and sensible, just right for a world crammed full of people. That’s what people had thought, until it was too late. And that is why there were only the chimps left.

Chimps were different. Chimps were a special case because they were so close to humans, our cousins but not us. It was worth keeping real chimps alive for research you couldn’t do on humans, a pool of chimps big enough to breed from, so that there were animals to spare for scientists to use. Of course, now that they’d lost all the other big animals, now that they’d found that shapings, however solid-seeming, weren’t really a substitute, people had become interested in real chimps. More than interested—obsessed, almost. Easily the most popular commercials on the shaper were for a soft drink called Honeybear that used live chimps dressed up as people. All the cities had branches of the International Chimp Pool where you could go and see a few chimps in big cages. But the main sections of the Pool were right here, part of the university, and Eva’s dad was Director of Primate Zoology, in charge of research. So Eva had grown up among chimps.

In fact, she’d been one of Dad’s research projects. Of course, she’d met humans her own age because Mom and Dad, like other parents, put their child into playgroups so that she would learn to socialize, but Eva had always felt just as at home among chimps. In some ways more, in fact—she’d been making chimp chatter before she said her first human word, and before she was three Dad had been using her to help him understand how the chimps’ minds were working. He knew almost everything there was to know about them, from the outside, but Eva could joke with their jokes, feel with their feelings, see why some simple-to-humans problem baffled them when they could solve trickier-looking problems almost at once.

Of course, Mom and Dad had needed to be careful. A small chimp is enormously stronger than a human baby; it’s even smarter for the first few months; but Eva had soon learned how to behave, how to use the grunts and gestures that meant “You’re the boss” and “Please” and “Sorry, didn’t mean it,” and so on. She’d gotten along with chimps pretty well, always.

And now she was one herself. Okay.

She felt a sort of mild amazement. All her feelings were calm, a bit dreamy. They must be pumping something into her bloodstream, she reckoned, to control her shock and rejection. This must be real panic time for them out there, whoever they were who whispered into the little speaker in Mom’s ear. Anyway, there were questions to ask. She pressed keys.

“How . . . ?”

No need to say any more with Mom. With Dad you’d have had to spell the question right out, but Mom was used to hints and garblings because she worked in the Housing Bureau, helping ordinary people straighten out ordinary problems like back rent or rowdy neighbors or trying to get away with an unlicensed pregnancy.

“It’s something called neuron memory, darling,” said Mom. “Dad says you’ll have learned about it at school, so you probably know more than me. You were in an irreversible coma after the accident, and Joan Pradesh heard about it and said she’d try and . . . and do this , if we wanted. She’s never done a human before, you see. It was a risk, she said, but we thought, in the end . . . well . . . your poor body, it was so broken, and just lying there . . . anyway, we said yes. And it’s worked. That’s marvelous, isn’t it? But now you’ve got to be very patient and just lie and wait for all the connections to strengthen, one after another. You’re there. You’re joined up. But the connections aren’t strong enough to use yet. Have I got that right?”

She’d asked the question to the air. The speaker began its whisper.

Neuron memory, thought Eva. Joan Pradesh. Of course. And yes, she had studied it at school last year. The thing is, you aren’t just a lot of complicated molecules bundled together inside a skin—you’re that too, but that’s not what makes you you . What you are is a pattern, an arrangement, different from any other pattern that ever was or will be. Your pattern began to grow from the moment you were conceived, but the things that make you so sure you are you came later: your discoveries of the world, from your first blurred peerings with your baby eyes, and all your thoughts and imaginings and dreams and memories make up that pattern, and are kept there by the neurons in your brain that have sent their wriggling axons and dendrites branching and joining and passing messages to one another through the incredible complex networks they have grown into. What old Professor Pradesh, Joan’s father, had found was that the pattern actually “remembers” how it got there; and given the right treatment and an “empty” brain, it can be persuaded to go through the whole process over again. Professor Pradesh had made his discovery with very simple creatures, flatworms mainly, but Joan had carried on the research until she was working with mammals, all the way up to chimps. And now, humans.

Eva pressed a few keys.

“How long?” said her voice.

“Two hundred and thirty-eight days.”

It was the wrong answer, for once. Even so, Eva’s mind juddered with the thought. Eight whole months gone from your life, blank! Of course, it would take that long for the pattern to grow—in the first Eva it had taken almost fourteen years.

“No,” she said. “How long till?”

“Sorry,” said Mom. “It was just . . .”

Of course. Mom knew the exact count of days. She’d felt each of them grind through her, never knowing if the risk would be worth it or if she’d get no more than part of her daughter back or perhaps just a mumbling kind of nobody trapped in Kelly’s body. No wonder she looked so much older. The speaker whisper stopped. Mom nodded.

“Joan’s been saying you mustn’t try and start waking muscles up before they’re ready. You must try not even to think about it. Just let it happen. She wasn’t really ready for you to find out what . . . what’s happened, but now you have found out she’s probably going to change her plans and start letting you move your face muscles. She didn’t want to before because you’d have tried to talk ...”

The whisper started again. Eva lay looking at the face in the mirror. Me, she thought. Not Kelly, me. Good-bye, blue eyes, good-bye soft pale skin, good-bye, nose. Perhaps Kelly had been pretty—pretty to another chimp. Except that chimps didn’t seem to think like that, judging by the way the males used to go mad about moth-eaten old Rosie when she was in season . . .

The brown eyes peered down in the way you might gaze at an animal. Was there a glimmer there? Eva, inside?

Mom sighed and squared her shoulders, ready to explain yet more, but Eva closed her eyes. She was tired, tired of newness and strangeness and the world of people. She made her voice say “No.” Not enough. With an effort she chose more keys. All she wanted to do was hide, vanish, creep away into dark green shadows.