Brian Jacques - Rakkety Tam

Then they were out!

The Long Patrol broke forth into the high, bright midday—sobbing, cheering, weeping, laughing and still shouting war cries.

Butty Wopscutt made sure the last hare was out. Never forgetting his duty, the gallant corporal rapped out orders to all and sundry. “Straighten y’selves up now! Form ranks and keep those weapons drawn. Face to the trees—it ain’t over yet, buckoes. Never mind y’wounds, stay on the alert!”

One or two crows almost came out beyond the grove but then wheeled and turned at the cries from within. Mad with bloodlust, they hurled themselves back to meet Gulo and the vermin headlong.

Ferdimond found Tam cleaning his blade on a tussock of grass. “Tam, there’s no sign of Doogy or Yoofus. I can’t see ’em anywhere. What’ll we do?”

The border warrior’s jaw tightened. “Not a thing if either of ’em went down among those birds. But somehow I can’t see that happenin’ to Doogy Plumm or that crafty vole. We’ve got to get away from here fast!”

Ferdy nodded curtly. “Right y’are, Tam. We’ve lost three hares, an’ there’s a good number wounded. Gettin’ back t’the river an’ the shrewboats is the best plan. Then we can regroup an’ plan ahead. By the way, was Doogy an’ the volechap with you when we entered the pines?”

Tam shook his head. “No! Weren’t they with you, Wilderry?”

Lancejack sheathed his long rapier. “No, I was bringin’ up the rear. I never saw either of ’em. Come t’think of it, I didn’t catch sight of ’em at the edge of the woods or whilst we were crossin’ the heath. I hope those two are alright, wot!”

Tam accepted his dirk back from the young hare with the torn ear. “Looks like they weren’t with us for a while. Don’t fret, I’ll take my oath on it that those two rogues are safe an’ well someplace.”

Wopscutt waggled a paw in his ear at the screeches and squawks which were emanating from deep in the pines. “Good grief, let’s get away from that racket. Patrol! Come to attention—smartly! About turn, lead off by the right an’ head for that big hill yonder. Quick march!”

Going down the easy slope into a valley, the Patrol entered the trees and began marching uphill. Now that they had come through the ordeal of the pines and were temporarily free of the pursuing vermin, talk of the battle was bandied about. Weary but elated, the young hares chattered as they marched on.

“Wait’ll we get back to Salamandastron and tell ’em about that, eh wot?”

“Rather, look at this scar I’ve got on me blinkin’ cheek. Blighter who did that looked more like a bloomin’ eagle than a crow! Huh, he won’t be flyin’ tonight, though—no sir!”

“Hah, that’s nothin’! There was one bird there the size of a flippin’ feather mattress. Picked me up by me ear, would y’believe! I lost my sword, but I kicked him until the fiend let me go. Mister MacBurl loaned me his big knife, so I finished the villain off. Aye, an’ two more like him. . . .”

The speaker’s voice trailed off as she noticed that Tam was within hearing range. The border warrior looked over at her and winked. “That’s right, I saw it myself. You were very brave, miss, an example to the Patrol.”

His remark set off a string of other tales, each one full of self-congratulation.

“Did y’see me, Mister MacBurl? I had two on the point of my javelin quick as a flash!”

“One was swoopin’ down on me, an’ I remembered Sarge Wonwill’s boxin’ lessons. I hit him such a punch that the blighter shot to one side an’ buried his beak in an oak. Hoho, you should’ve seen him strugglin’ t’get loose, flappin’ an’ scratchin’ like I don’t know what, wot!”

“Hold on, buried his beak in an oak? That was a pine grove! Wasn’t a flamin’ oak in sight, old lad!”

“Oh, er, haha, did I say oak? I meant a pine, yes, a pine!”

The boasts went back and forth until Wopscutt whispered to Tam, “Did I tell you about how I slew a score of rooks an’ carried four wounded out on my back?”

Tam stifled a laugh as he replied, “Don’t be too hard on the young ’uns, it was prob’ly their first real battle. Can you remember how you boasted after your first encounter, mate? I can—it took them a full season to shut me up, the way I bragged about it.”

Butty chuckled. “I recall it well, Tam. I was very young then, but to hear me tell the tale o’ that battle, ’twas a waste o’ time attendin’ it for the Long Patrol. Accordin’ to me, I won it single-pawed. Let ’em carry on with their tall tales, wot. They’re not doin’ harm to anybeast by boastin’. After a few days the excitement’ll wear off. Then one night they’ll cry themselves t’sleep, rememberin’ the pals they lost back there.”

Tam nodded slowly. “Aye, I can remember doin’ that myself.”

When they reached the hilltop, the Patrol could see the river far below through the trees. Oneshrew and Twoshrew were waiting to meet Tam at the hilltop.

Oneshrew shook his paw. “Well, sir, ye came out of it alive. Did yore plan work?”

The border warrior glanced back at the pine grove on the far hillcrest. “I think so, at least Gulo isn’t out of there yet. Though I can’t imagine a monster like him t’be defeated by any number o’ black birds. Can you?”

Twoshrew shrugged eloquently. “Maybe, maybe not. We’ve been sent here to watch the land, an’ get word back if he shows by tomorrow’s dawn. Our Log a Log is waitin’ down there for ye, he’s got a feed laid on.”

Tam tweaked Ferdimond’s ear. “Did ye hear that? The Guosim have got vittles ready for us.”

Without further ado, Ferdimond set off briskly downhill. “I say, jolly decent of the old shrewtypes, wot. They certainly know how to sling a salad an’ present a pastie. Haw haw haw! Fightin’ by mornin’ an’ feastin’ by night, eh? Just show me that bloomin’ grub!”

Tam nodded to Butty. “Hear that? He’s almost forgotten the fight, the moment food was mentioned!”

The corporal marched off smartly in Ferdimond’s wake. “Well, wot can one expect? The chap’s young—he’s got an appetite an’ he’s a hare. Stands t’reason, don’t it?”

Tam kept pace downhill with Butty, listening to a little ditty he was singing.

“I wake up in the mornin’, so glad the night is past,

it’s straight down to the table, to break my flippin’ fast.

O Breakfast! Breakfast! Us chaps must have some breakfast,

there’s oatmeal honey toast an’ tea, an’ seconds just for me!

When I finish brekkers, I hang around the kitchen,

the smell of vittles cookin’ is gettin’ quite bewitchin’.

Luncheon! Luncheon! That’s wot I’ll soon be munchin’,

on soup’n’salad chomp an’ chew, I think I should eat two!

The afternoon’s a desert, I wait impatiently,

until I hear the cook call, he’s servin’ noontime tea.

O Teatime! Teatime! An utterly sublime time,

each dainty cake an’ homely scone, I’m first in line for one!

When chaps race to the table, it’s always me the winner,

I’m fairly famished as a frog, when I run in to dinner.

O Dinner! Dinner! My figure ain’t much thinner,

I lick at both my plate an’ paw, then I yell out for more!

I’m starvin’ flippin’ hungry, oh isn’t it a crime,

that interval from dinner, to good old suppertime.

Supper! Supper! How super, serve ’er up, sir,

then pack some scoff up good’n’tight, to take to bed tonight!”

The Guosim cooks had dug a baking pit on the riverbank with a fire to one side of it.

Log a Log Togey greeted Tam and Butty warmly. “It does me heart good to see ye again, mates. Well then, how did yore plan work out? Is everybeast back in one piece?”