Brian Jacques - Redwall #20 - Eulalia!

"Absobloominlootly scrumptious! Why've I never had this before? Top marks, you chaps, eleven out of ten I'd say!"

One of the cooks, a young fellow with a fine voice, began singing an old otter ballad, in praise of the delicacy.

"When I was a babe my ma would say, Guess what I made for dinner today, blow on your paws an' lick yore lips, 'cos I've cooked up some plugs'n'dips!

"Oh plugs'n'dips you can't go wrong, you'll grow up so big'n'strong, ain't no bones or stones or pips, just good ole fashioned plugs'n'dips!"

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Barbowla joined Maudie and the two otters, helping himself to plugs'n'dips. The haremaid marvelled at how he could swallow them down hot at a single go. The otter chieftain patted his stomach and winked at her. "I tell ye, Miz Maudie, you got to learn to git yore share an' scoff it quick, when you got a family the size o' mine. Moreso when the likes o' Luglug an' his famine-faced gang joins ye for dinner. Huh, lookin' at the size o' them shrews I alius asks meself, where do they put it all?"

Maudie smiled at the big, friendly otter. "Serves you jolly well right givin' the Guosim such wonderful vittles, old chap. I hope Log a Log Luglug thanked you properly for rescuing his shrews, wot?"

Kachooch refilled Maudie's bowl. "Ah, away with ye, missy, we don't need lots o' fancy compliments for doin' wot any decent beast would. Dearie me, though, I'm still chucklin' at that coracle full o' Guosim babbies!"

Selecting a fat plug, Maudie skewered it. "I expect it was quite a task, finding them all in that rough water, how did you do it, marm?"

Kachooch shook with stifled laughter. "We didn't have t'do a thing, they didn't even get their liddle paws wet. The coracle came down, whirlin' like a sycamore seed, with the babes gigglin' an' chortlin' like it was all a big game. Well, there must've been about six or seven of us in the water at the time, we never even saw it comin', did we, Bel?"

Her daughter, Belford, grinned ruefully. "Certainly didn't, Ma, it landed right on our backs, an' skidded across us, straight onto the bank!"

Barbowla showed Maudie the top of his head. "Aye, an' I've got a patch o' fur missin', 'cos I was the one it landed on first!" Barbowla's face was such a picture of injured dignity that Maudie had to struggle to look sympathetic.

"Must've been pretty painful for you, sah. Sorry about that, but we were on the run from the enemy an' all that, y'know. Pity you were injured, eh wot!"

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Barbowla nodded. "Thankee, miz, but it ain't nought to weep over. I'm more worried about Kurdly an' his rat horde. If they're trailin' you an' the shrews, then 'tis for sure they'll bump into us. We wouldn't stand a chance agin the numbers Kurdly commands."

Maudie realised the position their arrival had put the otters in. She grasped Barbowla's paw firmly. "Indeed, sah, that's why I suggest you come to Redwall with us, that'll put your family out of harm's way, wot!"

Kachooch practically wriggled with delight. "Ooh, Red-wall Abbey! I alius wanted to visit there, ain't that where yore cousin Rorc is, Skipper?"

Barbowla shook the haremaid's paw. "Good idea, miz, I'd like to visit the Abbey, ain't never been there afore." He glanced warningly at his wife and daughter. "Not a word o' this to the others, y'hear. The length o' time they takes gettin' ready for a journey, Kurdly'd be here attackin' afore they're half-packed."

Belford contained her excitement. "Yore right, Pa, we'll just say the family's joinin' the Guosim to guide 'em along the stream apiece. Maudie, d'you think Luglug would object to takin' our babes along in his logboats? The rest of us are all strong swimmers, we don't need to ride in boats."

Maudie reassured the otters. "Rather, I'm sure our Log a Log would welcome your plan. Come on, Barbowla, let's have a quiet word with him."

Luglug immediately agreed with the plan, taking them to one side, and lowering his voice. "I'll go along with any-thin' you say, mates, but we'd best do it right now. Two o' my rearguard scouts have spotted the rats, they're startin' to climb down the rocks either side o' the falls. Just leave things as they are an' git yore liddle 'uns into the logboats, matey. The way I figgers, it'll be a close-run thing to shake off those Brownrats an' make it to Redwall Abbey!"

Barbowla's eyes narrowed craftily. "I knows the waterways twixt here an' Redwall better'n most, beggin' yore

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pardon, Luglug. There's lots o' streamlets an back cuts, dead ends an' marshes. Let me lead the way, mate?"

Luglug nodded briefly, explaining to Maudie, "He's right, there's quite a few places an otter can go, where a logboat crew might not see a passage."

The haremaid threw a smart salute to Luglug and Barbowla. "Right y'are, chaps, quick's the word an' sharp's the action, wot, forward the blinkin' buffs I say!"

A party of twelve litter bearers lowered Gruntan Kurdly's carrying stretcher gingerly onto the rocks at the head of the waterfall. The huge Brownrat chieftain moaned and winced as his body made contact with the damp stones. Stringle, the rat officer, approached Gruntan, he had to shout, to make himself heard above the roar of the waterfall.

"Noggo an' Biklo just reported that they've seen the sh'ews, an' some riverdog otters, they're sailin' off, below there, in the logboats!"

Irately, Gruntan cupped a paw about his ear, bellowing, "Wot's that, speak up!"

Stringle shouted louder. "Riverdogs an' Guosims, Boss, sailin' off in logboats...."

Gruntan swung a heavy walking stick across Stringle's shins, causing him to break into a hopping dance of pain. "Wot'n the name o' bursted beetles are ye talkin' about? Silverlogs wailin' on a blow there wid frogstoats? Away, ye blitherin' buffoon, an' see wot those sh'ews are up to! Ahoy, somebeast move this stretcher, afore I'm soaked an' drownded!"

Amid more howls and groans from Kurdly, the bearers moved the litter onto drier ground. Bandaged and poulticed with evil-smelling unguents, Gruntan winced as his healer, Laggle, approached. The old, wrinkled, female rat was carrying what looked like a pair of rusty pincers. She mumbled as she turned her patient roughly, facedown, removing swathes of grimy dressing.

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"Gorra get those gorse spikes out afore they fester, still plenty left in yore tailparts, 'old still now!"

Gruntan squealed like a stuck pig as Laggle went to work with furious energy. "Yow! Wow! Yeeeeek! Ye dod-derin' ole murderer, I'll 'ave ye gutted an' roasted for this. Ayaaargh!"

Smiling with satisfaction, the healer showed him a hefty gorse spike. "I just dug this 'un out o' yer be'ind, nice, ain't it? There's a few more in there, but they're stuck deeper'n this, bigger ones, they are. Once they're out I'll clean the wounds up wid rock salt an' boilin' water. Oh, stop whingein' like a baby will ye!" Chuckling maliciously she went to work again. "Mebbe ye won't feel like eatin', I'll take care o' those waterfowl eggs they're boilin' for ye."

The six logboats, plus the coracle, shot off downstream. Barbowla and all the able-bodied members of his family swam in formation around the flotilla. The shrew and ot-terbabes were virtually uncontrollable, they packed the next to last logboat, which became a scene of chaos. Dancing, singing, quarreling and squealing, they never let up for a moment. Some even leapt overboard, but were soon rescued by the otters.

It was a shrewmum named Frenna who solved the problem. She poured a few flagons of dandelion and burdock cordial into a cauldron; into this she mixed the contents of a few small vials. Placing the cauldron in the midst of the infants, Frenna strictly forbade any of them to drink it, saying it was only for grown-up creatures. She sat at the stern of the logboat, with her back to the little ones. Immediately, like all babes who have been told not to do a thing, they fell upon the mixture and drank it. Fenna signalled to the shrew paddlers. Gently they began to hum and sing a leisurely song.