Brian Jacques - Redwall #22 - The Sable Quean

The going was easy, with a smooth, fast-flowing current. Ambrevina straddled the front of their makeshift craft, using a broken-off branch to paddle and steer. Diggs occupied the stern, giving her the benefit of his nautical experiences.

"Spent quite a while on a raft, y'know. I'm no beginner at this sort o' thing. Oh, yes, luff your tiller, sink your sail an' swoggle your midriff. Whoops! Go easy there--you nearly tipped me off into the flippin' drink!"

Ambrevina kept her face forward, smiling. "Then you should have learned to swoggle your midriff a bit better. Hmm, there's a sidestream coming up, I see."

The badgermaid steered their craft to the opening of the inlet. Diggs sniffed, unimpressed by his friend's observation.

"I'd stick t'the main current, if I were you, then we may get some flippin' where, wot!"

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Ambrevina parted the reeds as she replied, "Well, I'm not you, and I want to look about here before we carry on. Hmm, look at this, my friend."

She pulled out a dripping reed net, squirming with stream life and tiny fishes. Diggs inspected it. "Very clever, I'm sure. Who d'you suppose it belongs to?"

Ambrevina put the net back into the water. "I've no idea, but my feelings tell me we may find out more by following this sidestream."

The irrepressible Diggs winked at her. "Indeed we may, marm, an' we might stumble over some vittles, too. D'you know, I'm blinkin' famished!"

The badgermaid blinked in mock astonishment. "You don't say. I'd never have believed it if you hadn't mentioned it. Now, get paddling and keep quiet!"

Whilst Ambrevina poled their craft through the reedy vegetation, Diggs dabbed at the water with a twig, muttering darkly, "Never have believed it? Huh, shows how much you know. Of course you wouldn't remember old Wuffy Cockleshaw, Sergeant in the Long Patrol, he was, an' a jolly nice chap, too. He missed dinner three times on the run! Faded away to a mere shadow. Ended up no more'n a pair of ears with bony paws stickin' out. Old Wuffy couldn't abide rhubarb crumble, y'know. Used to give me his when they served it in the mess. A friend right t'the end was Wuffy. It's prob'ly those extra bowls o' rhubarb crumble that've kept me goin', wot!"

The badgermaid was about to give her talkative companion a sharp prod with the paddling pole when an odd sound reached her. She turned to Diggs.

"Hush, did you hear that? There it goes again!"

It was a mad, high-pitched cackle. Diggs made what he deemed to be a shrewd observation. "Comin' from up ahead, wot. Well, at least somebeast sounds t'be jolly well enjoyin' themselves. Just listen t'that. Bloomin' chap must be sittin' on a feather!"

Ambrevina backed water, halting the willow trunk at

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the end of the channel. The island stood out plainly in the midst of the watermeadow. She and Diggs stayed hidden, peering from the shelter of a bulrush patch at the strange scene.

Triggut Frap was holding Diggla the mousebabe by his tail, dangling him over the water. The young ones were pleading with him, with Tura calling out, "Alright, alright. Stop that an' we'll do as ye say!"

The scabrous hedgehog began striking the pond surface with his staff, shouting insanely, "Hahaarrrharr, I'll teach ye to obey me! Once a day, at eventide, that's when yew eat, when I tell yews to stop work. Is that clear?"

Jiddle replied anxiously, "We hear ye, sir. Please don't do that to Diggla. He's only a babe!"

Diggs recognised the young hedgehog. "I say, that's young wotsis spike. I know his family."

Ambrevina clapped a paw over Diggs's mouth. "Sshh, not a sound!"

Triggut watched as the pike began gathering. "Heeheehee! Maybe I'll let my pets have a nibble at him, just t'make sure yew pays 'eed t'my orders!"

The pike began leaping as he bobbed Diggla up and down above their predatory snouts.

The mousebabe was yelling, "Lemme go, ya bad naughty stinkybeast. Put Diggla onna shore!"

Ambrevina readied her sling, loading it with a sharp lump of shale. Diggs voiced his alarm.

"What are you up to? Don't sling that rock. If you hit that barmy-lookin' hog, he might fall into the drink an' take the little chap with him!"

Rising slowly, Ambrevina began whirling the huge sling. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing. It's not the hog I'm after."

Placing one paw straight out, she squinted along it, whirling the sling until it thrummed. Then she threw.

The largest of the pike was halfway out of the water in a leap at the mousebabe. With deadly accuracy, the shale

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chunk hit it like a thunderbolt, completely ripping off its lower jaw. The fish flopped back with a splash, thrashing and crimsoning the water. Tasting blood, the rest of the pike shoal hurled themselves upon the dying fish. The water boiled and bubbled red as the voracious pike cannibalised their leader, rending it to shreds.

Reloading her sling, Ambrevina jumped into the water. She started wading toward the island, whirling the weapon and roaring thunderously, "Put that young un back on dry land or my next one will smash your skull. Put him back ... now!"

Midda raced forward, grabbing Diggla from Triggut's grasp.

Diggs seized the badgermaid's paddle, poling the willow trunk energetically toward the island. "What ho, little chaps. Fear not no flippin' more, we're here to save you. Pretty nifty, wot wot!"

The young creatures were laughing and crying at the same time, leaping about wildly and cheering. Triggut stood stock-still, shocked by the sudden turn of events.

Ambrevina strode swiftly ashore, batting away at the pike with her loaded sling. She smiled at the captives, towering over them. "Don't worry. You're all safe now!"

Triggut made an attempt to cut and run, but Tura tripped him. The freed captives threw themselves upon the mad hog, pounding at him with their paws. Diggs picked Diggla up, chucking him under the chin.

"Good day to you, little sir. Any eats around here? You know, vittles, scoff, tummy treats, food!"

The mousebabe spread his tiny paws wide. "Lotsa lotsa vikkles all over d'place onna trees!"

The tubby hare sniffed. "Huh, I'm the last chap t'say he doesn't mind livin' off the blinkin' land. The odd apple, ramsons, an' a few berries are better 'n nothin', wot! But, dash it all, I'd give my left flippin' ear for some properly cooked vittles again. Er, I wonder what that rascally old scruffbag fed himself on?"

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Midda, Tura and the rest were still dealing out rough justice to Triggut Frap when Diggs strolled across. He nodded to them. "I say, chaps, don't knock the blighter's block off just yet. I've a question or two for him, y'see, so pardon me, an' leave off kickin' the villain's bottom for a while, if you'd be so kind. Thank ye!"

No sooner had the young ones ceased beating Triggut than mousebabe Diggla hurled himself upon the miscreant, squeaking shrilly as he pummelled him. "Yarr, bad naughty villin, t'row Diggla to d'pikes would ya? Take dat'n'dat'n'dat'n'dat____"

With one paw, Ambrevina lifted the still-kicking mousebabe off his victim. She was shaking with mirth. "Oh, you great fierce warrior, spare him. Allow Diggs to talk to the rascal."

Distastefully, the young hare hauled Triggut up by one dirt-crusted ear and commenced his interrogation. "Now, then, y'foul smellin' brute, where's your cookin' gear? Oven, cauldron an' whatnot, eh?"

The mad hog spat out a loose tooth, mumbling, "Don't need that sorta thing. I eats everythin' raw!"

Diggs nodded understandingly. "Hmm, I can see 'tis doin' you a power o' good. What sort of things d'you eat raw, wot?"

Spines fell from under Triggut's shabby cloak as he shrugged. "Anythin'--fruits, roots, fishes, frogs, worms."

Diggs held up a paw. "Stop right there. I've heard enough, thank you! Huh, fat chance of a decent feed here, chaps. What d'you suggest we do with this curmudgeon, wot?"