Brian Jacques - Redwall #22 - The Sable Quean

After introductions had been made all round, Buckler strode down to the streambank, where he viewed the grounded raft.

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"Mister Oakheart, perhaps we could help you to refloat your craft. It's a wonderful thing--I've never seen one like it."

Dymphnia took over from her spouse. "Oh, just call him Oakie, Mister Buckler. Everybeast does. Maybe you'd like to come aboard the Streamlass and share supper with us, such as it is. We can always refloat our raft tomorrow."

Buckler bowed gallantly. "A pleasure, marm. But call us Buck, Diggs and Flib. We have supplies we could share with you. Oakie tells me you are actors."

Diggs unhitched the haversack from his back. "Jolly types, actors. We've had visits from them once or twice at Salamandastron, doncha know."

Granma Crumfiss leaned on Diggs's paw as they went aboard. "Salamandastron, ye say? I played there when I was nought but a young hogmaid. A fine young badger was the Lord. Brang, as I remember. Is he still there?"

It was a memorable evening. The raft's log cabin was comfortable, if slightly crowded. The two hares contributed food from their packs. Dymphnia served them with bowls of plum duff, ladling her special pear and hazelnut sauce thickly over it. Oakheart broke out a cask of his own brew, which he had named Witherspyk Waterporter. It was slightly sweet, very dark and nourishing.

As they ate, Trajidia fluttered her eyelashes at Diggs, enquiring, "Pray, to where are you warriors of the wilderness bound?"

Crumfiss spoke sternly. "Don't be so nosey, miss. 'Tis none o' yore concern where these goodbeasts are goin'!"

Buckler smiled. "Oh, it's no secret. We're bound for Red-wall, with a gift for the Abbess."

Oakheart banged his tankard down in surprise. " Ton my liver spikes'n'paws! Why, that's also our destination, friend Buck. Perhaps when we float our vessel into navigable waters on the morrow, you'd wish to accompany us to that hallowed establishment?"

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Buckler winked at Diggs, allowing him to answer. "Wot, oh, I say, wouldn't we just jolly well love to, Oakie, old lad. Super wheeze, wot wot?"

Baby Dubdub, who was being fed by his mother, pushed away the spoon. "Wheeze, wot wot!"

Everybeast laughed, and Trajidia fluttered her eyelashes even harder. "Oh, how brave and gallant, Papa. We'll have valiant hares to guard us from any vermin foes!"

Oakheart refilled his tankard. "Indeed we will, m'dear! Eat hearty now, my trusty protectors, and thank ye kindly for offering your skills to us."

Buckler returned the compliment. "No sir, thank you for offering us such a wonderful way to travel. It's Diggs an' I who are grateful to you."

Diggs winked roguishly at Trajidia. "Rather! An' in such bally charmin' company, wot! Never travelled with actors before. Wouldn't mind havin' a go at the jolly old actin' m'self."

Rambuculus did not hold out much hope for Diggs. "Hmmph, bein' a warrior, you might come in useful for fights an' battle scenes. There's more to actin' than ye think. You've got to be a singer, a dancer, an---"

Diggs cut in on him. "Dancin'? Listen t'me, laddie buck. I can twiddle as neat a flippin' paw as anybeast. Ask Miggy M'ginnerty, our drill sergeant's daughter. She'nT were the bloomin' toast of the Mess Ball when we tootled round the floor t'gether. Twinklepaws Diggsy, they called me, ain't that right, Buck?"

Buckler nodded. "That's correct, mate, an' you were a good warbler, too, as I recall. Go on, give us a song!"

His chubby companion needed no second bidding. Bounding from his seat, he threw his paws wide and launched into his favourite ditty.

"Oh, I hail from Salamandastron, that old mountain in the west, with a pack upon me shoulder,

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an' a smartly buttoned vest.

My ears stand to attention, an' gels cry out, Look there, he's a member of the Long Patrol, a handsome gallant hare!

"What ho what ho, 'tis true y'know, no creature can compare, to a dashin' singin' harum-scarum,

Salamandastron hare ... wot wot!

"I'll whack a score o' weasels, or marmalise a stoat, there's many a ferret shiverin', when I've torn off his coat.

I'm vicious with all vermin, but show to me a maid,

I'll kiss her paw an' shout haw haw!

Pray, marm, don't be afraid.

"What ho what ho, I tell ye so, ye gentle gels so fair,

I'm a high-fulorum cockle-a-dorum,

Salamandastron hare ... wot wot!"

As Diggs finished his song, he made an elegant bow. The Witherspyk Company applauded him heartily, even young Rambuculus. Oakheart was impressed.

" Ton me snout'n'spikes, young Diggs, ye have the makin's of a fine performer. There's a position in me troupe for you, should you ever wish to take it! But an actor's life can be hard, y'know, and hungry, too. Some seasons ye can see more suppertimes than suppers. Well, what d'ye say friend Diggs, eh?"

The young hare's ears seemed to wilt. "Er, I think I'll stick to the jolly old warrior's path, sir. It's prob'ly better in the long run."

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Trajidia looked disappointed. "You're not afraid of acting, are you?"

Buckler answered for his friend. "Diggs ain't afraid of anything, miss, except starvin'."

Diggs pouted a little. "Well, a chap needs his scoff, y'know. I wouldn't look so jolly han'some if I was thin."

Dymphnia patted his paw. "We understand. Now, tomorrow we'll follow the stream overland, going south and a point east. That should take us over some flatlands, then back into the trees. When we spy the rock ledges, it's not far from there to the Abbey. Right, time for sleep, my dears. Early call at dawn, I think. The Streamlass will need to be worked on, so that we can free her."

The twins, Jiddle and Jinty, went to fetch their blankets. "Mamma, Mamma, can we sleep out on the bank?"

Dymphnia raised her headspikes indignantly. "Certainly not. Who knows what goes on out there at night? You've got perfectly good bunks onboard!"

The twin hedgehogs complained bitterly.

"But Granma Crumfiss snores somethin' dreadful!"

"An' Trajidia keeps talkin' in her sleep, recitin' lines from the plays!"

Dymphnia remained obdurate, until Flib interceded. "Let 'em sleep outdoors, marm. I'll go with the twins an' keep an eye on 'em. Oh, go on--it's a warm night."

Oakheart sighed. "Aye, let them sleep on shore, m'dear. 'Twill stop 'em gettin' up for drinks o' water all night."

Wearing their blankets like cloaks, Jiddle and Jinty dashed from the cabin, whooping and squealing.

As Flib followed them, Buckler cautioned her, "Remember now, missy, keep a sharp eye on them!"

The shrewmaid replied icily, "No need t'remind me. I knows wot I'm doin'!"

Diggs caught hold of her paw. "You jolly well take heed of what he says, m'gel, wot!"

She broke his hold roughly, snarling, "An' yew mind yer

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own bizness, fatty. Keep an eye on yoreself in case ye go bang after all that scoff!"

To ease the tense moment, Crumfiss turned to her son. "Oakie, why don't ye sing us a nice little comic ditty before we turn in. Buck an' Diggs have never heard you performin'."

Oakheart Witherspyk was never a beast to miss a chance of displaying his talents. Holding that most peculiar of instruments, the Hogalino, over his head, he strummed it across his top spikes and burst into song.

" Twas a snowy morn one summer, an' the moon was shining bright, when my dear ma kissed me a fond good-bye.

So I asked where I was going, as she shoved me out the door.

She blew her snout and then began to cry.

'Oh, don't run off to sea, my son, you'll break your mother's heart.

I've reared you since you were an ugly pup!'

But I didn't want to go, and I tried to tell her so, but she locked the door and nailed the windows up.

Off I went to sail the main, as cabin hog aboard the Scruffy Dog.