Brian Jacques - The Rogue Crew

The horde of shrews and lizards advanced, waving their weapons and hissing viciously. However, they halted short of the Long Patrol hares, who stood resolutely, ready for trouble. Dukwina’s army danced, bared their teeth and threatened, but they did not seem disposed to charge the young warriors.

Trug Bawdsley ran his paws over the smooth sandcemented surface in front of them. “Not havin’ much luck, sah. Can’t even find a flamin’ crack!”

Dukwina smirked. “Hah, an’ you won’t find a crack, either!”

Captain Rake replied coolly, “So we won’t find a crack, marm? Och, then Ah’ll just have tae make one!” Drawing both his claymores, he attacked the wall, striking it repeatedly in the same spot using the butt of his left blade as a hammer and the point of the right as a gouge. It produced a curious sound on the hardened shell.

Thock! Thock! Babbong! Thock!

Wilbee came from the entrance to report, saluting smartly. “Beg pardon, sah, but the sarn’t told me t’tell you that we can’t hold the foebeast off much longer. They’re gettin’ rather jolly close to us now. Sah!”

Rake left off his assault to spit on his paws. “Is that a spear you’re carryin’, young Wilbee?”

The young hare hefted it. “Rather, sah. Jolly heavy one, too—belonged to my pa, wot!”

Captain Rake took the weapon from Wilbee. “Aye, so’tis, a braw, hefty spear, Ah’d say.”

The captain paced back a few steps, then launched himself at the wall, gripping the spear with both paws. “Eulaliiiiaaaa!”

Rake’s mighty blow sent the point right through the wall, almost a third of the length of its shaft. He winked at Wilbee. “Nought like a guid spear, tell yore pa. Now give it a sidelong push wi’ me!”

As they pulled it sharply to one side, there was a rending crack. The wall split from top to bottom. Another two solid thwacks with the spear, and a big triangular piece of the structure fell away.

Rake pointed to the entrance he had made, bowing mockingly to Queen Dukwina. “After you, marm!”

As the column filed in, the captain kept Dukwina at spearpoint, in view of her army. He called out harshly to them, “Ah’d stay back if’n I were you, or ye’ll get yer queen back wi’ an awful hole through her, ye ken?”

The queen sneered. “You’re an officer and a creature of honour. You wouldn’t dare harm me!”

The captain jabbed her lightly with the spearpoint. “Marm, Ah’d dare anythin’ tae preserve the hares o’ mah platoon. Now, call yer beasties off!”

Dukwina squeaked hastily at her army, “Stay back, all of you—that is a command!”

The lizards and shrews were still hissing and wielding their weapons, but they made no move to charge.

Scutram picked up the large, triangular fragment of broken wall. It was surprisingly light. He blocked the aperture with it.

“Corporal Welkin, Bawdsley, hold this bloomin’ thing in place. It’ll give us some protection, wot!”

Trug Bawdsley placed his shoulder against the impromptu barrier. “Aye, sah, an’ ’twill save us havin’ to look at their flamin’ ugly mugs!”

The three haremaids were lying in a corner, sedated by the drugged wine. Scutram waggled his ears reflectively.

“That’s four of our lot out for the count now. Confound Drander, the big greedy lout. Well, what’s t’be done, eh?”

Sergeant Miggory lifted Drander’s limp paw, then dropped it. “H’I wonder ’ow long those knockout drops’ll last.”

The little empraking replied, “Dukwina’s special wine can lay a shrew or a lizard out for a full day. I know, ’cos I’ve seen her use it.”

The pygmy shrew queen snarled at him.

“You shut up, blabbymouth!”

The empraking poked his tongue out at her. “Shan’t, an’ you can’t make me, bossytail!”

She made as if to run at him but was halted by Captain Rake. The empraking scurried behind young Flutchers. “Keep her away from me—she’s vicious!”

Rake Nightfur silenced him with a glare. “Och, quit yer grievin’ now. But if what ye say is right, shrews an’ lizards are nought but wee beasties. That stuff shouldn’t work for long on anything as big as a hare, eh?”

Miggory nodded. “Yore right, sah. Let’s get ’em up on their paws an’ march ’em h’around a bit. That might bring’em round.”

The captain allowed a hint of a smile to play on his lips. “Aye, we’ll do that. Oh, an’ Sergeant Miggory, you take young Drander. An’ ye have mah permission tae box his ears a bit. Just tae speed his recovery, ye ken?”

Miggory’s craggy face broke into a big grin. “Aye, sah. Just to speed the pore young beast’s recovery, as ye say!”

Queen Dukwina plumped herself down on some rugs, looking quite smug. “Do what you like, you’re all still prisoners in here. There’s no way out, an’ sooner or later, my creatures will rescue me.”

Scutram and Rake were supporting Buff Redspore around the floor. Keeping his voice low, Scutram spoke to Rake. “She’s right, y’know, sah. Seems we’re in a bloomin’ fix, wot!”

The captain patted Buff’s cheeks as she began moaning softly. “Och, Ah wouldnae say that, friend. There’s nought tae stop us breakin’ through this place at the far wall. Ah trust there’ll be no foebeasts waitin’ for us there.”

Suddenly the entire structure seemed to echo with a rattling noise. Miggory’s ears stood up straight.

“Wot’n the name o’vinegar’s that?”

“It’s those flippin’ nuisances outside, sah!”

Young Trug Bawdsley pushed his back hard against the barricade. Corporal Welkin was spread-eagled flat on it, his body reverberating with the noise.

“Ain’t too much to fret over, Sarn’t. They’re beatin’ the outside o’ the wall with those long reed javelins. Hah, they won’t git past me’n’young Trug ’ere!”

Their captive, the stoat Crumdun, gnawed at a grimy pawnail. “I ’ope they don’t! By the sound o’ that racket, there must be enuff o’ them out there to eat us alive!”

Under the sergeant’s none-too-gentle ministrations, big Drander was beginning to come around, though he still sounded groggy. “Ooh, me head! What’s all the noise for . . . eat who alive? What’s goin’ on, chaps?”

Captain Rake tweaked the big young hare’s ear. “Aha, so ye’ve finally decided tae join us, Drander!”

“Och, yer in braw trouble, laddie buck. Allowin’ yersel’ tae be drugged by the enemy, sleepin’ whilst on duty an’ Ah don’t know what else!”

Drander groaned. “Beg pardon, sah, but it wasn’t my fault, really. I was thirsty, y’see—”

“Silence!” Miggory roared in fine parade-ground style.

“Yew lop-eared, lollop-faced h’excuse for a Long Patroller,’ow dare yew h’interrupt a h’officer! Yew was sayin’, Cap’n?”

Rake fixed the culprit with a gimlet eye. “Yer a sair disgrace tae the column, Drander, an’ as your captain, Ah’ll have tae consider your servin’ with us!”

Tears sprang to Drander’s eyes; his sturdy frame shook. “Cap’n, sah, don’t say that, I blinkin’ well beg ye! Put me on a fizzer, lock me in the guardhouse, feed me on weeds’n’water, anythin’ but chuckin’ me out o’ the Patrol.’Tis my whole life, sah!”

Rake Nightfur’s attitude took on an unexpected change. He winked at Drander and smote his back heartily.

“Och, yer a great gormless galoot, but ye have a guid heart, laddie. Now, how are ye at breakin’ doon walls?”

Drander sniffed, wiped his eyes and saluted smartly. “Sah! Just show me the flamin’ wall an’ I’ll break it, sah!”

Rake nodded toward the far section of wall. “Take Wilbee’s spear an’ let’s see ye do a wee bit o’ damage tae that. Smartly, now!”